September
by Miss Fenway
Summary: "So we take what comes and we keep on going, leaning on each other's shoulders.  Then we turn around and see we've come so far somehow." - 'Halfway There' by BTR.  Sequel to 'All These Lives'.  NO SLASH!
1. Lost and Found

**A/N. Hello, dear readers! I apologize for my absence but I promise that I haven't been neglecting my writing. Not at all. I've been writing this for nearly two weeks now. At first it was going to be another long one-shot but it ran away with me and is now almost 30,000 words and I still haven't wrapped it up. So I've decided to make it another multi-chapter. When it's complete, which should be soon, I will update 'Head On Collision' but please understand that I've never had a story consume me so much before. Anyway, a big thanks goes to my best friend and soul mate Lauren because I've been sending each finished scene to her and she's been reading them and encouraging me and staying up late to brainstorm with me. I couldn't have gotten this far without her. I LOVE YOU, LAUREN. Anyway, I'm done talking. I don't own anything. **

"_Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me, you found me." - 'You Found Me' by The Fray_

Police Chief Carlos Garcia Sr. approaches the house with caution. He can feel the breath of his partner, Detective Luke Adams, on the back of his neck and he finds the closeness of the other man reassuring. Luke is the best guy to have on his side when they're about to do something risky and dangerous.

They reach the front door and after counting silently in their heads, the two men and the rest of the Minnesota state police force, shove open the door and rush in. "Police!" Garcia shouts as enters with his team right behind him. "Come out with your hands up!"

A shadowy form appears from the other room. He's an average looking man, completely innocent in everything about his confused demeanor. But it's just an act and they all know it. Still, he keeps the act going for as long as possible. "Can I help you?" He pretends to be polite and oblivious but he can only do so much.

The house absolutely reeks of illegal substances like marijuana and pot. It burns the chief's nose and makes his eyes water but he glares at the man in front of him. "Gregory Hampton?"

"Yes." The man steps forward and extends a hand to shake. "That's me. What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Hampton, you're under arrest for possession of illegal substances-" He ignores the man's offer for a hand shake because he doesn't trust him and starts to read him the charges that are against him, intending to then go into reading him his rights. But he was right not to trust him.

Gregory leaps forward and grabs the police chief's elbow and begins to twist the arm around him, while with his other hand, he reaches into his shirt and starts to pull out his own gun. It's a desperate move because he's outnumbered. He might have succeeded if it wasn't for the detective whose reaction is lightening fast.

Detective Adams whips out his own gun and fires, not fatally, but the shot in the knee cripples the criminal and he falls to the ground, dropping his gun only to have it kicked away by the chief. Adams' quick actions are acknowledged by a short nod from his superior and then the privilege to search the rest of the house while the majority of the others take care of Hampton. "Basement?" The detective guesses, acknowledged by another nod.

The two of them take another pair and split up. Garcia finds himself with a new recruit and they look around the floor level of the house while Adams and another man go down into the basement. Garcia prefers working with Adams. Today is a perfect example. The rest of his squad had frozen when Hampton made his move and the chief wonders what would have happened if the detective wasn't right behind him. But then again, he's the chief and it's his job to teach the newer officers as much as possible.

"Be careful." He warns as they move slowly through the rooms. "We're still not sure if Hampton was working alone." He shakes his head in disgust as they navigate around the numerous marijuana plants. How did he get away with it for so long?

Gregory Hampton had moved to the neighborhood some six months back and kept to himself as much as possible. The neighbors had all assumed that he was simply antisocial because why would any of them think that such evil would be brought into their small town? Garcia can't blame them. He lives an hour outside the small town in a very similar neighborhood. Everyone likes to think the best but sometimes they're wrong.

"Chief!"

Garcia and the recruit jump at the unexpected sound of Adams' voice. The detective suddenly appears at the top of the stairs looking like he's seen a ghost. He's breathing heavily and his face is absolutely white. He grips the knob of the basement door with a trembling hand and opens his mouth to say more but he's silent.

"What is it?" Instantly Garcia is on the alarm. He's worked with Luke Adams for over ten years and he's never seen the other man so disturbed. On closer inspection there are tears in the usually hard and determined eyes. "Adams. . . Luke." He places a hand on Luke's shoulder to get his attention.

Luke swallows hard and finally manages to croak out a response. "Y-you better come down, Carlos."

The chief stiffens and ignores the way the recruit looks at them in confusion. Luke has _never _addressed him so informally while they're on the job. "Where's Richards?" He asks after the other officer that Luke was partnered with.

Instead of answering him verbally, Luke simply nods down the stairs. "He's fine." He finally says, quickly as if Richards is the last person on his mind. "But we found-" He cuts his explanation off and simply repeats his earlier words. "You better come down."

Garcia has always prided himself on having what other policemen call "nerves of steel". But seeing Luke so shaken has him rattled as well. "Okay, Luke." He says softly. He follows his partner down a rickety staircase and into a dimly lit cellar with a dirt floor. Right away he sees Richards crouched in the corner over- The chief stiffens. It's a body. From where he stands at the foot of the stairs, Garcia can't see if the person is alive or dead. He takes a deep breath and steps closer.

It's alive, he realizes right away. He can't make out any facial features but the small form is trembling badly. Richards looks up at his chief and waves him closer. Garcia moves again, catching the whispered words of Luke as he does. "Better prepare yourself."

The statement is confusing enough so that Garcia's steps falter and he almost turns to look back at Luke. But instead he nears Richards who looks hesitant to get closer to the unidentified person, afraid of adding to the obvious terror.

"Hey," He says quietly, putting himself between the person and Richards. "I'm Chief Carlos Garcia. I'm here to-" The rest of his words never make it past his lips. A shaft of light falls over the person's face and Garcia closes the remaining distance between them in two long strides. He sinks to his knees, trying to breath while the shock has robbed his lungs of the oxygen they need to function properly.

"Call the paramedics."

He hears Luke's voice instructing either Richards or the new recruit and a small part of him is rational enough to feel relieved that at least one of them has sense left. But that thought only flits through his mind and it's gone. All he can really focus on is the boy laying in front of him. "Logan," The name slips out in a tiny gasp of air and he wonders if anyone even heard him.

But then the familiar brown eyes lose some of their fear and a spark of recognition replaces that fear. One arm comes uncurled from the thin waist and a hand extends forward to touch the chief. Fingers brush against the material of the navy blue jacket and trail down a muscled arm, finding the bigger hand.

Before he can stop himself, Garcia closes his fingers and traps Logan's hand in his. But the boy doesn't pull away from the unexpected grip. Then he hears words and he nearly breaks inside.

"You found me." Logan uses the police chief's grip to pull himself closer. "I knew you would find me."

Then he's crying and Garcia instantly gathers him into his arms. "Logan," He whispers again in disbelief. Logan is shaking with sobs, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps. He frees his one hand and then clings with both, tightly to the front of Garcia's shirt. The "nerves of steel" shatter and Garcia begins to cry as well.

"Papa,"

The one word means absolutely everything to Garcia because he knows that Logan is not hallucinating and mistaking him for his own, biological father who died when he was fourteen. When he was little, Logan use to call him 'Papa' because he liked the way it sounded. It was a term of endearment from a seven-year-old and he used to call Garcia's wife 'Mama' just like the rest of his friends.

_His friends._ Garcia tries as hard as he possibly can to think of Kendall and James and his own son, Carlos. But all he can think of is how he never truly imagined, only hoped, that he'd ever see Logan again. "I've got you." He bends his head and drops a fatherly kiss on the dark hair. "I've got you, Logan. It's over."

"Don't let go." Logan's voice is dry and hoarse from being so unused. It's also muffled from his face being smashed into the chief's shirt. But the words are as clear as day. "Please don't let me go."

Garcia hears sirens in the distance and he knows what this means. "Logan, I'm not going to let you go." He says gently but firmly to get the boy's attention. "But I need to get you out of here okay?" He waits for Logan to nod and then he shifts him just slightly in his arms and stands up. "All right," He breaths. "Doing okay?" Another nod is his only response. "Let's go then."

He moves to go up the stairs again but Logan suddenly tenses. Not wanting to frighten him because he's already doing so remarkably well after all this time, Garcia stops short. "What is it, Logan?"

"W-what about h-him?"

Gregory Hampton. The name is suddenly like poison and Garcia can't bring himself to say it. He looks to Luke and receives a nod. Good. "He's gone, Logan." _When I get my hands on him-_ Garcia shakes his head and brings his attention back to the one person who needs it more than anything else. "He won't ever touch you again, I promise."

Logan squeezes his eyes shut tightly and nods. He takes a deep breath and nods. "Okay," He whispers. "I'm ready."

Garcia tightens his hold and makes his way slowly and carefully up the stairs as if he's holding something made of glass. He can see the ambulance ready and waiting for them just outside and once again he's incredibly thankful for Luke.

Even though his eyes are already closed Logan squints even more once they step outside. Garcia takes advantage of the bright sunlight to study him more closely. He's always been naturally pale but now he's a sickly gray color. His raven colored hair has grown long and shaggy and is matted to his head with mud and dirt and even a little blood. Marks cover his bare arms and in his face. There are bruises, cuts and burns. He's horribly thin and all too easy to carry. But he doesn't look like he's dying and Garcia hardly makes it to the waiting paramedics through his tear-blurred eyesight.

They have a stretcher set up and waiting but as Garcia moves to lay Logan down, he hears the boy whimper and then feels him tighten his grip. "No." He shakes his head and opens his eyes. The pupils are slightly dilated in fear and his breathing becomes shallow once more. "Please don't let me go."

"Shhh." Garcia sits on the back edge of the waiting ambulance and rocks Logan back and forth. "Logan, it's going to be okay. I'm going with you. We need to get you to a hospital though. I'll be right here with you the whole time, okay? I promise."

But this isn't good enough for Logan. "Please." He whispers, unable to say anything else.

Garcia glances up at the paramedics who nod to his silent request. "Okay." He soothes Logan. "You've got it, buddy." He eases up into the back of the ambulance and cradles Logan in his arms even more, desperate to get him to calm down.

As soon as he realizes that he's not about to be torn away from the first familiar face he's seen in months, Logan relaxes. His sobs slow and his breathing steadies but he never, for one instant, releases his hold on Mr. Garcia.

"Should I call?" Luke asks his chief before the paramedics can close the doors. He can't take his eyes off of Logan. He cannot believe what a routine drug bust has turned into. He sees the chief nod as tears continue to stream down his face and his own throat closes up tightly. Then he's shoved gently aside and the doors are slammed shut and he tries not to panic over the fact that he can no longer see Logan. Chief Garcia has him and Luke knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that there's nothing that's going to keep the older man from letting any harm get to Logan. He turns to leave when a paramedic catches his attention.

"He want you to just tell them to meet him at the hospital." The man has obviously recognized Logan as well and is just as shaken up but he manages to lean out of the window of the ambulance and rely the message.

Luke nods, relieved that his task is relatively simple because he has no idea how he's supposed to tell them that they've found Logan.

Inside the ambulance, Chief Garcia isn't completely oblivious to the stares that he and Logan are getting from the paramedics. They're all professionals but none of them can comprehend what's happening. He can't believe it himself.

It's been fifteen months, over a year since Logan disappeared. But that's not really the unbelievable part. The part that Garcia can't get past is the fact after being taken from the Palm Woods hotel in Los Angeles, California, Logan would turn up an hour outside of his home town. And has he really been right under their noses for six months ever since Gregory Hampton moved into town?

Garcia glances down at the boy in his arms and he feels the tiniest of smiles pull at the corners of his mouth. For now, none of that matters. Logan is back. He runs one hand carefully through the messy black hair, brushing it out of Logan's eyes so they can both see each other better. Logan meets his gaze and it's then that Garcia sees the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life.

Logan smiles at him. It's small and barely there. There is still a dark fear lurking in his eyes but it lightens a little. The chief ignores the fact that Logan can't possibly stay this well functioning and responsive after the hell that he's been through but he holds onto the bit of hope that Logan gives him with his smile. "I'm safe now, aren't I?" He says tiredly.

Garcia nods and holds Logan closer to him. "Yes you are, Logan. We won't let anything happen to you. I promise that you're safe."

"I believe you." Logan tells him before burying his face again into the shirt. "Thank you for saving me."

He can't wrap his mind around it but one thought becomes apparent. Garcia shakes his head slowly as he wonders at the inner strength that Logan has held onto: He's never given up hope that he would be found.

**A/N. Originally, I was just going to leave 'All These Lives' as it was and nothing else. But then I heard Daughtry's song, 'September' and thought it would work perfectly for a sequel either way. Then Lauren and I decided that we wanted our hearts to be whole again so I opted for the happier version and the song will come into play throughout the story so you should listen to it. It's a beautiful song and Daughtry is officially my muse. I have to warn you though that this is going to be really angsty for obvious reasons. Logan isn't going to get kidnapped for fifteen months and be magically okay. So. I have the first several chapters written so I'll update about once a day. How did you like chapter one? Review? **


	2. Four

**A/N. So good to be back. Thanks for all the reviews! Here is chapter two. I don't own anything.**

_"Keep holding on 'cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Just stay strong, 'cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you." - 'Keep Holding On' by Avril Lavigne._

Carlos Garcia flips aimlessly though the TV channels before settling on the movie _Miracle_. They've all seen it so many times that they could probably quote it from beginning to end. But they're not really paying attention anyway.

He wonders how much time will have to pass before they'll be able to go through their day without acting like zombies. It's been over a year since Logan was taken from them and the emptiness that he left behind has yet to be filled. Not that Carlos expects it to ever get easier. They don't have enough answers for that. But still. He wonders if they'll ever feel alive again.

The phone rings, interrupting his inner musings and Carlos sighs before he stands up and walks into the kitchen. He's reluctant to leave James and Kendall but when he hears two pairs of footsteps behind him, a ghost of a smile chases across his face before disappearing all together as if it has never existed in the first place.

"Hello?" He answers in the dull tone of voice that he's adopted since they moved back to Minnesota without Logan. The receiver is heavy in his hand and he leans against the counter, feeling two pairs of eyes on him.

"Carlos, it's Luke."

Instantly, Carlos tenses and stands upright. Luke Adams has been his dad's partner on the police force for over ten years. They were out today. . . something must have happened. Something bad because Luke sounds on the verge of tears and Carlos has never known him to cry. "Luke?" He asks, his voice cracking. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Luke takes a deep breath as if to steady himself. "Carlos, are you home alone?"

"Yes, I mean no. Kendall and James are with me." It's the only explanation Carlos can offer. He can't tell Luke that his mother took his little sisters to the aquarium. He can't think straight to say that much. "Luke-"

"Your dad wants you to meet him at the hospital."

Carlos gasps. "The hospital? What's he doing at the hospital? Is he okay?" He feels James and Kendall close in on him and he grips the receiver so tight that his knuckles turn white. The three of them wait in dread for Luke's answer.

"He's fine." Luke says quickly. "But Carlos, he wants you to come as soon as possible. I think that-" He pauses as if trying to figure out how to phrase his next statement. "I think he should tell you himself. Anyway, I'm on my way now to pick you up. I'll be there in five minutes."

The dial tone sounds and Carlos slams the phone back into its cradle, letting out a shaky breath. "That was Luke, my dad's partner. Something happened and my dad wants us to meet him at the hospital. Luke says that he's fine though. He's on his way to pick us up now. Luke, I mean. Luke is on his way to take us to the hospital to meet my dad." He's rambling because he's freaked out despite Luke's assurance.

Kendall and James nod and they leave the kitchen and return to the family room. James turns the TV off and the boys shove their shoes on and go outside to wait on the porch. It's a beautiful June day and the sun warms their chilled bones. They don't have to wait long before a police cruiser pulls up to the sidewalk. "That's Luke." Carlos tells his friends. He gives the driver a short wave and jumps down the stairs, rushing to Luke.

Inside Luke is even a bigger mess that Carlos originally guessed. His hands are shaking as they hold tightly to the steering wheel like he thinks its going to fall apart. He's _crying._ Or at least he has been crying. His eyes are red and swollen like he's been crying hard. "Luke, really. Did my dad get hurt?" Carlos' voice shakes like Luke's hands and he feels Kendall and James both place their hands on his shoulders.

"He's not hurt." Luke's voice cracks with emotion. "Just hang in there. We'll be at the hospital in fifteen minutes." He switches on the lights and siren and speeds down the roads.

Carlos finds it impossibly to believe Luke. He's not his usual calm, cool and collected self. He's far from it. He's using the lights and the sirens for crying out loud when he's always been a man to play by the rules. Carlos can't lose someone else close to him. He just can't. He'll die.

It usually takes thirty minutes to get to the hospital but just as Luke promised, they reach it in half the time. Carlos is relieved when Luke comes to a stop in front of the emergency room entrance and he jumps out of the car, followed by James and Kendall. They crash through the doors and before Carlos has time to panic he sees his father. "Dad!"

Father and son embrace each other until Carlos realizes that his father is even worse off than Luke. There's more shaking and more crying. Carlos pulls away. "Dad, what is it?" He pleads. "What's the matter?"

"Sit down, boys."

They sit as obediently as dogs and wait because it's all they can do. Mr. Garcia sits next to them and is silent as he tries to think of how he's going to tell them. "We were raiding a house. Drug charges. We got the guy." His sentences are choppy and broken up. "In the basement we-" His voice breaks and then he looks the three boys in the eye. "We found him. Alive."

He doesn't need to say the name. Somehow they all know who he is talking about. But they're all rendered speechless, mouths moving but no words coming out. "D-dad." Carlos finally chokes out and then collapses into tears.

"Can we see him?" Kendall begs. He starts to stand but his legs fail him and he falls back into the chair.

Regretfully, Mr. Garcia shakes his head. "Not yet. The doctors are still taking care of him."

A small cry escapes from Carlos and he gives into his tears, feeling his father move so that he can hold him. James and Kendall join in and they cry together because they're so close and yet so far from a dream come true.

Then they feel another presence with them and they all look up to see Luke watching and waiting. "How is he?" He asks quietly.

Carlos turns to his father, stunned that he's never even thought to ask how Logan, _Logan,_ is doing. He was too shocked by the news that Logan is found. Instantly, his mind grabs onto the worst possibilities. Logan beaten and bloodied and barely hanging onto his life. Logan dying just after they got him back. He looks to his father for an answer he's not sure he wants.

"He. . . he was upset when they took him from me." Mr. Garcia unconsciously clenches and unclenches his hands as he remembers how he had wanted to hold onto Logan just as much as Logan wanted him to keeping holding on. "They had to sedate him. But," He says quickly, longing to give them some bit of good news to cling to. "The doctors seemed to think that he'd be okay. Psychically."

"When-" Carlos' voice cuts off abruptly all on its own and he has to clear his throat before he tries again. "When can we see him?" He knows that his father doesn't have all the answers but he can't help asking. He takes another deep breath trying to remain calm when he's falling apart. Logan is probably right down the hall, just a few steps away really, and they can't see him.

"Soon I hope." Mr. Garcia replies. Now that he's finally regained some of his shattered composure, he looks carefully over his son and the other two boys.

Over the past fifteen months, his son has slowly retreated within himself, only coming out when his family members or Kendall and James could convince him otherwise. He's lost weight, they all have. Dark circles have taken up residence, dimming the eyes that were once full of life and laughter. With a shock, Mr. Garcia realizes that he can't remember the last time he heard Carlos laugh. He misses the sound but now he has hope that he might hear it once again. One of these days. On the whole though, Carlos has become an empty shell of himself, holding onto only one thing: hope.

Now, he keeps his gaze riveted on the doors that lead to a hallway where they can only assume that the doctors have taken Logan. He's not even blinking. Every once in a while, a slight tremor races through his entire body and there are constantly tears streaming down his paled face. But Carlos doesn't make a sound, as if he's afraid he's dreaming and any noise might wake him up.

Kendall is the oldest of the four friends and he's always felt responsible of the others. When Logan was taken, he fell apart. It took him the longest out of everyone to get over his state of denial. For a solid two weeks he alternated between saying that yes, Logan had been kidnapped, to no, Logan was just playing some sick joke on them. And yet, he got angry at everyone who suggested that Logan's disappearance was a prank. It was obvious that Kendall himself didn't know what to make of everything and that he had become lost. Usually, a sound sleeper, Kendall had struggled with insomnia for months and at one point had stayed overnight in the hospital because of the drastic toll the lack of sleep was taking on his body. But he was afraid of sleeping soundly because he was afraid of losing another loved one.

Mr. Garcia can now see a part of the old Kendall Knight returning to life. The teen is sitting upright, between James and Carlos, with an arm wrapped around each of them, holding them close to him. Every doctor that looks like they're coming toward the small group, receives a hopeful look from Kendall only to have the look lapse back into a deep disappointment. But he looks determined, like a shadow of his former self instead of the shadow he's become in the last year and three months.

James has always been the passionate one and when he falls, he falls hard. He was the first of the three boys to receive counseling after his parents discovered that he had resorted to cutting himself to deal with the loss of Logan. On the outside, the counseling seemed to work but Mr. Garcia has known him for nearly thirteen years and he, along with everyone else close to James, could tell that he was still suffering on the inside. No matter what anyone told him, James was convinced that Logan's kidnapping was his fault and he bore the guilt daily like a heavy weight that kept his shoulders weighted down.

The police chief watches James now. He has his long legs drawn up to his chest and is resting his head on his knees like it's too heavy for him to hold it up himself. It's been warm outside and he's wearing a short sleeved shirt and some of his scars are still visible. Tears threaten to fall but James refuses to let them fall just yet. His mouth is moving, forming a name that he never thought he'd speak again, but he's completely silent.

"Excuse me."

They all jump at the sound of the doctor's voice. Then they quickly recover and are demanding about Logan in one voice, with the exception of James who continues to observe in silence.

"Logan is fine, psychically." The doctor is kind enough to give them the good news first. "It's obvious that he's been. . . tortured in a variety of ways but none of the injuries are life-threatening. We're keeping him here for a few days because he's extremely dehydrated and malnourished as well as suffering from exhaustion. We also want to keep an eye out for infections. But he's remarkably well off for someone who's had to go through what he has. Our biggest concern for him is his mental state of health. We can't tell exactly what's happened to him but he's going to need therapy and-"

"Can we see him?" Kendall interrupts, slowing returning to the stubborn and determined young man that he used to be.

The doctor hesitates, looks at all of them, and then nods slowly. "Yes of course. Come with me."

Carlos stands, gripping onto his father for support. _This is it. _He realizes. They going to see Logan again. After all this time. . . He can hardly believe it even though it's all he's ever wanted. He wants to _run_ to Logan but there's no way that his legs are going to be able to stand the pressure. Besides, he doesn't know exactly where Logan is. So he walks.

They're led through the doors and down the hall, around a corner and before any of them know it, the doctor stops in front of a closed door. "This is his room." The man nods. "Logan is sleeping but he should be waking up in about ten minutes. I can't tell you what his reaction will be to seeing all of you so try to take it slow and be gentle with him all right?" He waits for them all to nod and then he opens the door. "Call for help if you need it."

Luke stops in the doorway. "Carlos," He says, speaking to the senior Garcia. "Should I call everyone else?"

"Yes. Thanks, Luke. Just tell them what you told the boys. Make sure they know that we're all okay." Mr. Garcia manages to give his partner a small smile and then he turns around and steps with the boys into the room.

It's all Carlos can do to keep from falling to the floor when he sees Logan. He's so much smaller and paler than the last time they saw him. But after fifteen months what did he expect? Still, Carlos can hardly recognize his friend.

He's sleeping peacefully thanks to the sedative the doctors have give him, but there's a small frown on his face as if he's in the beginnings of a nightmare and he can't escape. His hair is longer and slightly covers the closed eyes. But he's alive. He's breathing. And that's enough for Carlos.

"Logie," Carlos hears his own voice and then he's at Logan's side. A shaking hand reaches out of its own accord and tenderly brushes strands of hair off Logan's forehead. Carlos winces when he sees a bruise there and he draws back, afraid of hurting his friend.

Kendall soon joins him and sinks into one of the chairs, grasping Logan's hand in his. He bends his head to the bed sheets and cries unashamedly, repeating Logan's name over and over again in between sobs.

Against all odds they're complete once again. But at the same time they're not. Carlos tears his gaze away from Logan to the door. "James?" He says softly. He extends his free hand, the one that isn't on Logan's shoulder to his friend.

James stands frozen, staring at Logan. He never gave up hope but he also never imagined he would see Logan again. He wants to move forward and join all _three _of his friends but he has no control over his body. He hears Carlos say his name and flinches, hating himself for being so weak. His legs give out and he falls to his knees, trying to breath. The tears still stand in his eyes, refusing to fall even though he wants them to because it might help him move.

Carlos and Kendall are torn between their two friends. One, they haven't seen in over a year but the other seems separated from them somehow. Carlos relaxes when he sees his father move to help James and then he turns back to Logan and freezes once again.

Logan's eyes flutter heavily as if the lids weigh about five pounds each but then they open. Brown eyes stare back at Kendall and Carlos and then wander around the room in confusion and then back at the two boys who can do nothing but stare back. Finally, Logan breaks the silence. He reaches up slowly toward Kendall and then after hesitating a bit, he touches his older friend's tear stained face. His eyes widen slightly when Kendall hardly reacts and then he speaks. "Are. . . are you real?" He whispers hoarsely.

At first Kendall blinks. Then he reaches up and touches Logan's hand, almost as if Logan isn't the only one questioning the reality of their situation. "Yes." He struggles for words to say so that Logan will believe him but his brain refuses to operate past one thought. _Logan's alive._

Logan opens his mouth to say something else but starts coughing instead. Quickly, Kendall and Carlos move to help him. Carlos takes a paper cup filled with water off the table by Logan's bed while Kendall sits on the edge of the bed and takes Logan into his arms, propping him up so he can drink. Once Logan's thirst is quenched and Carlos turns to put the cup back in its place, Kendall still can't let go of Logan.

"Logan," At last he seems to believe that what they're all experiencing is really happening. He slumps forward slightly and pulls Logan into a hug. It feels like he's done nothing but cry in the past half hour but he realizes that these tears are different than what he's been crying for the past fifteen months. Tears of joy.

Logan's returning grasp is weak but after a split second of hesitation, it's sure and confident and Logan lets himself cry again. He can't remember the last day he felt so safe and the only reason he lets go of Kendall is so he can hug Carlos who's standing right next to them.

"Logie," Carlos says again. He doesn't try to stop the inevitable stream of tears from flowing as he holds onto his lost friend. At first he's afraid of hurting him but when Logan falls into his arms he forgets everything except the fact that he, they, have Logan back. All he wants now is the trembling that's shaking Logan's entire body, to stop and go away and never come back. But that will take time and Carlos is okay with that.

Logan pulls away slowly then and looks again from Kendall to Carlos. The relief is suddenly dimmed by a nervous fear. "James?" He asks uncertainty. "Where's James?"

From across the room, James hears Logan say his name and his body comes back under his control. He shoots to his feet and staggers over to where his _three _friends are waiting, barely making it to the bed before his legs give out on him again. It's when he finally has Logan in the gentlest hug possible that his tears finally come. He wants to say something, _anything_, to Logan because it's been so long. But he's crying too hard for speech right now.

Finally, when he can breath again, James very reluctantly releases Logan. But as he does he feels fingers trailing down his arms and he looks to see Logan staring with wide eyes at the fading scars. He wants to pull away and pretend that they're not actually there but Logan is still holding onto him and James can't bring himself to do that.

"James," Logan's voice is still rough both from tears and being unused, but at the same time it's soft and gentle and sad. His own horror is forgotten for the time being as he sees the suffering his friends have endured.

"I-I've stopped." James stammers weakly. "I haven't done it in a really long time." He wants to kick himself for seeing the the tears in Logan's eyes because he knows that this time it's his fault.

Logan nods very slowly and then pulls back to lean against his pillows. "I've missed you guys." He says. He stares up at the ceiling, tears running down the sides of his face. "I've missed you all so much." He shuts his eyes and then reopens them and looks at all of his friends.

"We're here, Logan." Kendall says, reading his mind like they were never apart. He takes a deep, shaky breath. "We've missed you too."

"You never stopped looking for me, have you?" Logan asks. The tears are finally beginning to slow now that he's surrounded by people who love him and he knows that he's safe. He feels the presence of Carlos' dad as the man, still dressed in his police uniform, nears the four boys and a small smile crosses his face.

"No." Carlos says right away. He sits at the foot of the bed, willing to let James and Kendall sit on either side of Logan. A silly part of him is convinced that Logan is even safer that way because James and Kendall are taller. Carlos is content to sit at Logan's feet, unconsciously keeping a firm grip on his ankles to keep him there. "No, Logan. We never have."

It's true because even when the police investigations stopped, they held onto hope and kept looking. Every time they walked down a street, they would peer down the corner _just in case_. Every time they went anywhere, they would look for Logan everywhere _just in case_. And after so much time they've finally found him. They have him back. He's not whole by any means. He's broken but not completely because he's still alive. Over time they'll put him back together. No matter what it takes.

Even if they can't get back to the way they were before, Carlos doesn't care. All he cares about is that Logan is right in front of him and he's not going anywhere. He's back with them. They're four again. They're completely complete. The hole in Carlos' heart has been filled as if there was never a hole in the first place. The ache is gone, replaced by a different, better ache. It's better because now he knows that their hope wasn't in vain and that they have even more hope now. Things will get better in time.

The door opens and they all try to ignore the way Logan flinches. A nurse pokes her head in and smiles kindly. "Logan," She says quietly. "You have some more visitors but I wanted to make sure you were up for them."

Logan nods before he even thinks. He's the only one in the room who doesn't know how long he's been missing but he knows it's been a very long time. Too long. He's craving everything he's been without during that long time. Love. Affection. Care. "Yes please." He says as firmly as he can make his voice sound.

"All right then." The nurse smiles again. "I'm going to send them in two at a time okay? I don't want you to get overwhelmed." She steps back and lets a woman and her daughter in the room.

"Mom." The name comes without hesitation like when he called Mr. Garcia "Papa". Logan can't help but smile when Kendall's mother and his adoptive mother rushes over to him and takes him into her arms. By now he's lost count of how many times he's been embraced and he's thrilled. "Hi." He whispers into her shoulder, enjoying the gentle hands running through his hair and down his back, the way only a mother could hug.

"Logan, my poor baby."

Logan isn't about to protest being called a baby because it's a thousand times better than what he used to be called. It used to bother him because he was always so intent on growing up and being mature but he's different now. The only thing he wants to protest is the little girl, who isn't so little anymore. "C'mere, Katie."

Katie stands in the doorway, almost like James just a moment ago, too afraid to move. But then her older brother comes over to her and taking her hand, leads her to the hospital bed. Her solemn eyes take in the person there and after she's sure that he's really there, she lets herself cry. Kendall's spot on the bed is still empty and she crawls into it and hugs the big brother that she's been missing for so long. Her mother is crying too but at the same time she's gently rubbing her daughter's back while keeping the other on Logan's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Logan." Mrs. Knight whispers tearfully. "I wish I never let you out of my sight." She presses a kiss to his forehead and holds him close to her again.

"It's not your fault." Logan shakes his head and then pulls away so that he can see everyone. "It's _no one's _fault." He insists. "Except-" He cuts himself off and swallows hard, never to finish the sentence. "I'm just glad to be back with everyone, okay? Please don't blame yourselves."

They all nod right away and promise that they won't blame themselves. But they're lying because each one of them continues to blame themselves for everything that Logan's been through. If it makes Logan happy though, they'll lie.


	3. Breaking the Silence

**A/N. Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter. Nothing keeps my inspiration and motivation going better than loyal reviewers who let me know that they enjoyed each and every chapter. You're all the best. I don't own anything.**

"_The silence is broken now, it's over now. The words have been spoken and with every word you say, you blow away the tears of another time." - 'The Silence is Broken Now' by Damn Yankees._

The boys sit in Logan's hospital room. They've all been there for three days now and Kendall and James and Carlos haven't left once. They absolutely refuse to leave Logan's side all at once and are with him constantly. Logan doesn't have enough strength left to argue. He's glad that they're with him. He wouldn't have it any other way.

There's a knock at the door and out of habit Kendall and James and Carlos look away when Logan jumps, allowing him a shred of dignity. "Who is it?" Kendall's voice is protective and he stands up, shielding Logan from any possible harm. But the door opens and they all relax. "Mr. Garcia." Kendall says in relief as he returns to his chair.

"Sorry, boys." Mr. Garcia apologizes. "I didn't want to surprise you. Mind if I come in?" He hates it when Logan smiles and nods and walks in slowly. "I'm afraid I'm not here for a social visit." He begins. He watches Logan's smile fade when he takes in the police uniform he's wearing and sees Luke Adams walk in behind him.

"Dad?" Carlos doesn't want to sound harsh but he can't help himself.

The two men walk in and stand by Logan's bed. "Logan, we need to ask you some questions." Mr. Garcia says slowly.

Logan is silent and he can't meet their eyes at first. But then he nods, still without looking up. "Okay." He says quietly. "S-sit down." He gestures limply with one hand at a pair of empty chairs.

Mr. Garcia and Luke sink into the chairs and take up relaxed positions trying not to appear intimidating. "Now, you can stop whenever you want." Mr. Garcia addresses Logan quietly. "Okay. Don't feel like you have to get all of this done in one day. It may take some time. Are you ready?"

Kendall touches Logan gently on the shoulder, his heart aching painfully when he sees that the brown eyes have filled with tears. "We're right here, Logan." He whispers a reminder to his best friend.

Logan takes a deep, shaky breath and nods. "I'm ready." The words are little more than a whisper but he looks determined enough.

"What do you remember about the night. . . it happened?" In all his years on the police force, Mr. Garcia has seen so much. He's been through the questioning process countless and although it's never been easy, he's sure it's also never been so hard before.

"Um, I was sleeping." Logan offers weakly. "Then I woke up because I heard glass breaking. It was my window. At first I thought something like a tree branch hit it because it was windy that night. B-but then I saw h-him coming in." He pulls his legs up to his chest and wraps his arms around himself, forcing himself to keep going. But by now his eyes are shut tight as if temporary blindness might make the memory less terrifying.

"I wanted to scream or try to run away but I couldn't. I was just so. . . scared. I couldn't move or scream. I froze. Then he grabbed me and I felt him cut my arm with something. He told me that if I screamed or tried to get away then he would kill me and everyone else in the apartment. But then I realized that all he had was a pocketknife a-and I thought that if I could get away then we would all be s-safe. So I tried." Logan opens his eyes for a brief moment as if he's wondering how everyone is absorbing his retelling of the night he was kidnapped. "I got a few steps away but he grabbed me again and then. . ." He trails off and shakes his head. "The next thing I remember is waking up with a headache. I think he had a rag with chloroform on it because I didn't have any lumps on my head."

Luke nods looking a little impressed that Logan would know about chloroform rags. But then he shakes his head in disgust and wonders how long Logan's rationality will last before they have to leave and give him a break. "Do you know where he took you?" He asks when he's done taking Logan's account in and writing down notes.

At this, Logan simply shakes his head. "It was dark." He says, still in a whisper. "Really dark. I couldn't see my hand in front of my own face. At first I thought I was blind but then. . . he came in. It was through a trap door in the ceiling because there weren't any windows or normal doors anywhere. Aside from the trap door, which I couldn't reach, there was no way out."

"Did he tie you up at all?" The detective continues to ask, taking pauses in between each question so Logan has some time to recover.

"N-no." Logan shakes his head again. "I couldn't reach the trap door because it was high and only opened from the other side. A-and when I woke up the first time, he came down and b-broke my ankle j-just in case."

James inhales sharply at this and shifts even closer to Logan. His hazel eyes silently beg for the police, even Carlos' dad, to leave. He knows that they're just doing their job but he doesn't want to hear what Logan has been through and he doesn't want Logan to have to talk about it either.

But for the moment, the questioning is dropped and Carlos' father stands up, moving slowly to Logan. "Which ankle?" He asks, only in concern.

Logan points wordlessly to his left ankle. "It's okay now." He tells him. "I didn't do much walking when I was down. . . there and I made a splint for it out of some cloth and sticks I found."

"What were the cloth and sticks for, do you know?" Despite Logan's answer, Mr. Garcia wants to see for himself that the ankle is healed. He's no doctor but after looking and feeling the area gently, he's a little more at ease.

His next question brings Logan to a halt and he drops his gaze to the sheets. "He made m-masks." He finally says. "All sorts of masks. Some were horror movie villains and others were just. . ." He shrugs. "I guess the others were his own creations. But they were all. . . monsters." Logan pauses and rubs his arms, trying to chase away the goosebumps. "It was like his workshop down there. Sometimes when he. . . did things to me he would wear the masks. But mostly he just let them hang on the walls. Once I saw them when it was light, I. . . I always saw them even when it was too dark. I could feel their empty eyes staring at me. Watching me."

"We can stop." Mr. Garcia suggests. Part of him thinks that they should stop for the benefit of the other boys and well and Logan because they're all looking sick with horror.

But Logan shakes his head. "No." He says in a weak but determined voice. "Please. I just want to get it over with."

Luke exchanges a glance with his chief and receives a nod to take over. "Logan, this might be the hardest question for you to answer." He warns. "Take all the time you need." He watches Logan nod and takes a deep breath. "What did he do to you?"

The room is silent for a full two minutes. Logan has gathered up the sheets in his fists and is clenching them tightly when Mr. Garcia starts to speak. "Logan, why don't we-"

"No." Logan's voice cracks. "I can do this." He lets go of the sheets and drops his hands limply in his lap. Instantly they're both taken by Carlos and James. Kendall's hand still rests on his shoulder and Logan smiles briefly. "Well," He begins. "He beat me a lot. Sort of like a school bully only worse. He called me names. He _never _called me Logan. Mostly, he called me his. . . his toy. He always said that he liked to. . . to play with his favorite toy."

Kendall feels like he's going to be sick and he just _knows_ that they haven't even heard the worst. He clenches his jaw firmly and tries to steady the shaking in his hand. It's all he can do to keep quiet when all he wants to do is tell Logan to stop talking because he doesn't _need_ to relive his horror. But Kendall is wrong. He hates being wrong. He shakes his head slightly and forces himself to keep listening.

"S-sometimes he cut me." Except for when he stammers and shakes, Logan's voice is toneless, almost

robotic like he's doing everything he possibly can to just say and not think. He holds out an arm next to James' and sorrowfully compares their scars. "Mine are worse." He sighs in relief at this and then keeps going at a steady pace. "He used different things like glass. He once told me that the glass he cut me with was from my bedroom window. I-I don't know if he was lying or not."

"What did you use to-"

"More cloth." Logan says right away. "He got mad at me for "wasting" his materials and then he would beat me as punishment but. . . I didn't want to die." Logan suddenly stares at the two policemen, determination battling with fear. "I'm too young to die. I always thought that. . . that someone would find me. . . even after he moved me."

"How did he move you?" Mr. Garcia asks him. This is the part in Logan's case that he's been unable to get past. He spent the last six months in the basement of a house in Minnesota, only an hour away from the police station and his best friends.

Logan bits his lip. "I don't know why," He begins. "I just know that one night he came down and told me that we were leaving and if I tried screaming for help or running away he would kill me. So I didn't. Then he. . . he made me get in the trunk of his car and I don't remember anything else except finally getting out only to go in some other basement." He shakes his head in confusion. "Wh-where am I anyway?"

"Minnesota." Luke tells him faintly when he realizes that everyone is too shocked to answer. "You're about a half hour away from your own home."

Logan's eyes widen in shock. "What?" He asks in disbelief. "He took me to Minnesota? But why?"

"We don't know. . . yet." Luke reassures him. "It's possible that Gre-" He sees Logan flinch at the name and begins again. "It's possible that he had a motive but it's most likely that he thought a small town. . . maybe one right under our noses, would be the best place to hide you and do his other work with the drugs."

"Oh." Logan nods. "Now it makes sense." He says to Mr. Garcia and Luke. "You finding me and them," He points to his friends. "Getting here so quickly." Then he sighs and leans back again the pillows that are propping him up. "I guess it really doesn't matter. I'm just glad to see everyone again. What else do you need to know?" Logan's voice is weary but he's determined to get everything over with.

"We're proud of you, Logan." James murmurs, giving Logan's hand a light squeeze. He blinks against the tears that threaten to fall, stubbornly determined to stay strong for Logan. He almost lost it a minute ago when Logan compared their scars but he's slowly regaining a sense of control.

"He burnt you too, didn't he?" Luke asks, nodding to the strange marks that aren't cuts or bruises on Logan's arms.

Logan looks down at his arms and nods in answer. "He smoked cigars a lot. Sometimes he burnt my legs and my chest and my back too."

"Logan," Mr. Garcia says slowly, as if it's paining him to talk now. "What else did he do to you? Did he. . . did he rape you?"

Carlos bites his lip and tastes blood. He doesn't know how much more he can handle but he does know that if Logan says yes that he will be unable to stay together. He'll fall apart and break when Logan needs him. He doesn't want Logan's innocence to be taken away and abused more than it already has been.

But Logan shakes his head and they all breath a sigh of relief. "He didn't rape me." He says, voice wobbling more than it was in the beginning. "But he. . . he-" Then Logan breaks and he starts to cry hard. As soon as the tears begin to fall, he's surrounded by his friends but Logan only feels a little comforted. "He didn't rape me." He sobs out again. "But he. . . he did other things to me."

"Logan, just take a break." Mr. Garcia says soothingly, when inside he's torn between wanting to comfort the shattered teen and running over to the prison and beating Gregory Hampton to death.

"No!" Logan suddenly shouts and it startles them all. He's stopped crying but his eyes are open wide and are still bright with unshed tears. His chest is heaving up and down and his whole body is shaking with anxiety.

"Logan," Carlos calls out to get his friend's attention. "It's okay. You're okay now. Just. . . just calm down, okay? Take some deep breaths."

Carlos' words make it through to Logan and he obeys until his breathing has returned to normal and the heart monitor he's hooked up too has settled back into a steady rhythm. "S-sorry." He stammers weakly.

"Don't be." Carlos still has his attention more than anyone else. "Don't ever be sorry, Logan."

Logan nods. "Okay. I'm okay now." But nobody believes him so rather than wait for the go-ahead, Logan simply picks up where he left off. "He never raped me." He says for the third time. "He did other things though. He. . . touched me and then he made me do the same to him. If I didn't then he would beat me more." It's suddenly like a curtain has fallen in front of his eyes and he starts to withdrawal from them. "Can I be done now?"

"Yes, Logan. You did a great job." Mr. Garcia leans over and sighs in relief when Logan allows an embrace. "You're very brave for telling us all of this. I know it wasn't easy."

"How long?" Logan asks then, ignoring the praise that means absolutely nothing to him.

"How-" Luke starts to repeat in confusion when everyone else is too puzzled to speak.

"How long was I. . . missing?"

"Fifteen months, one week, and two days." Carlos recites unexpectedly. He gazes at Logan, losing the battle with his tears. "Fifteen months, one week, and two days too long." He wants to stay strong so badly but he just can't. He hears Logan plead with him not to cry and ironically, that's what breaks him in the end. "I'm sorry." He whispers as he tugs Logan into another hug.

"Okay," Logan says quietly. "You can cry."

Carlos can feel Logan's tears soaking through the shoulder of his thin cotton T-shirt and he feels a little comforted. "I'm sorry for everything." He says before he can stop himself. "I'm sorry for everything you had to go through, Logie. You're the last person who deserves any of that and it makes me so sad. I wish I could make you better, Logan. I wish I could make your pain go away." He feels Logan start to pull away and stiffens, but lets him go anyway.

"Carlos," Logan gives him a tired smile and he would look like the old Logan if it weren't for the haunted look in his eyes that won't go away. "You _are_ making my pain go away. You're all here with me again and that's all I need."

Luke stands up then and is followed by his chief. "We'll leave you four alone now." He says quietly. "Thank you for telling us all of this, Logan." He sees Logan nod and then he turns and leaves the room not even looking back to see if the chief is still following him.

"Luke, calm down before you go back to the station." Mr. Garcia watches the younger man walk stiffly down the hall and hurries to catch up to him. He feels ridiculous for telling Logan this when he's in no better shape himself.

He's shaking with rage. He can't comprehend how someone could be so twisted and sick. What other ways could Gregory Hampton have tortured Logan? Psychically? Check. Emotionally? Check. Psychologically? Check? Sexually? Check. It's hard to remember his place as a police chief and not go over to the jail and kill Hampton what then and there for what he's done.

"Well," Luke says finally when they're outside and both of them have managed to restrain from putting their fist through a wall. "At least we got him." He's not sure if he's talking about Hampton in jail or Logan in the hospital but it works both ways. Everyone is right where they belong.

**A/N. I probably should have put an angst warning at the beginning of this chapter. I'll just go ahead and give you an angst warning for all the chapters ahead because it's not going to get better anytime soon. The Angst Monster has written more than I have. Review so I feel like I did a good job with this? Thanks for the support!**


	4. Love Heals Old Scars

**A/N. Reviews make me happy so thanks to everyone who takes the time to give me some feedback. It means a ton. Oh, and random FYI, I'm reading the 'Harry Potter' books. I just started the fifth book. Don't give me any hints but my favorite characters are Snape and the Weasleys. lol. Don't judge. Anyway, I don't own anything.**

_"Together again, it would feel so good to be in your arms where all my journeys end. If you can make a promise, if it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you, if you wait for me and say you'll hold a place for me in your heart." - 'The Promise' by Tracy Chapman._

James stares at the pages of the book he's holding. He doesn't exactly know what the book is about because he's not really reading it. His eyes stray from the words on the pages to Logan who is sound asleep right next to him on the living room sofa. A contended smile crosses his face and he lays the book aside.

Logan, in his sleep, catches the slight movement and stirs. He opens his eyes and looks at James. "What time is it?" He asks, after a yawn.

"Almost noon." James replies. "How does it feel to be home?"

Logan smiles at the question. "Awesome." He sits up and then leans against James, still tired. "Where are Kendall and Carlos?" He asks, looking around.

"They went to the airport to pick up Jo and Camille." James grins at the good news. The two girls, especially Logan's old girlfriend back in LA, were thrilled to hear of Logan's return and as soon as Logan was sent home from the hospital the previous day, they made plans to visit. James' grin widens when he thinks of how glad he is that Kendall and Carlos are doing the driving while he gets to stay back with Logan.

As if reading his mind, Logan raises his eyebrows. "How did you guys decide who would pick them up?"

"We drew straws." James answers. "I won."

Another tiny smile crosses Logan's face. "I should have guessed you guys would do something like to to figure things out. When will they be back? And where's. . . my mom and Katie?"

James drops an arm around Logan and pulls him closer. "She loves it when you call her that you know." He whispers absentmindedly.

"Well, she is my mom." Logan closes his eyes and sighs, feeling perfectly safe with James right by his side and the others only a phone call away. "And even though it's official with Kendall, I've always considered all of you guys my brothers."

"Same here, Logie." James says fondly. "Anyway, your _mom_ and Katie are out at the grocery store. They just left. Everyone should be back in about an hour. Wanna do something?"

"Were you _reading_?" Logan sits up and looks at the book that's next to James.

"Oh that." James remembers the book and picks it up. It's an old hockey book that Kendall's read before but no one else has touched. He shrugs. "No, not really. Just looking." He glances at Logan when he didn't receive any teasing like he expected. "Is something wrong, Logan?"

To his dismay, Logan's eyes have filled with tears. "What _isn't _wrong, James?" He asks bitterly. "I'm a mess. I'm covered in gross scars and bruises and I slept with the light on last night because I was scared and you guys all slept on the floor in my room, and my hair. . ." He pauses to run his hand through the longish black strands. "It's disgusting, just like me. What's Camille going to think when she sees me? Probably the same thing you guys thought when you saw me. I look like a freak."

"Logan," Not wanting to upset his friend further, James puts just enough force into his voice to get Logan's attention. "Look at me." He sits sideways on the couch so he can face Logan and then places one hand gently on a small shoulder. "You're right about one thing. Camille is going to think the same thing that we did when we first saw you. You know what that is?"

Unable to speak, Logan simply shakes his head, tears slowly rolling down his pale face.

At the sight of Logan's tears, James has to pause before he can go on. He swallows and then slowly reaches up to brush the tears away. "She going to look at you," He says shakily. "And think of how today is without a doubt the best day in her life. Because you have always been one of the most important people in her life and losing you was the worst pain she's ever had to feel. But that doesn't matter now because you're back and even though things will never be the same, she's happy for the first time in fifteen long months." He tugs Logan closer to him and hugs him. "Okay?" He asks, voice muffled against Logan's shoulder. He smiles when Logan nods and then he pulls back. "So let's do something about your hair."

Logan is puzzled but stands up and follows close behind James as the older boy leads him from the family room, up the stairs and into Mrs. Knight's bathroom. "What are we doing here?" He asks, almost nervously.

"I'm going to cut your hair." James informs him as if it's the most natural thing in the world. "Mrs. Knight has the perfect sink." He points to the salon style sink and grins. "She won't mind. Wait, before we start, let's get a few things."

Logan continues to follow James around the upstairs rooms like a puppy dog. He doesn't ask when James drags Kendall's computer desk chair into the bathroom along with a handful of men's haircare products from Kendall's bathroom. But when James sits him down and lowers the chair to the proper height, Logan speaks again. "Are you sure about this?" He asks hesitantly.

"Sure I'm sure." James nods. "Are you okay?"

"Well, I'm fine but. . ." Logan bites his lip.

"Logan, you can tell me anything. You know that right?"

Logan nods and then spits out his question. "Are you okay with the scissors? Because. . ." He casts his gaze down to look at James' scarred arms. "They're sharp."

"Oh." James whispers. For an instant, the happy look in his eyes dies and he looks hurt. But it's only for an instant and he smiles. "Logan, I _promise_ I'll be okay. I haven't. . . cut myself in a very long time and there's no reason for me to start again. Trust me?"

"I do trust you, James." Logan relaxes then. "Okay."

"Lean back." James instructs, pushing Logan down gently. Then he turns the water on making sure it's at a comfortable, warm temperature before he takes the hose faucet and sprays it on Logan's hair. He grimaces at the dirt that quickly fills the sink. "Let me know if I hurt you, okay?"

Instead of answering him right away, Logan seems to be deep in thought about something else. "I probably should have showered yesterday when we came home but I was tired. The closest I ever got to being clean was when. . . he threw a bucket of cold water on me because he said I smelled." He glances up at James, sees the tension, and quickly changes the subject. "I'll let you know."

James simply nods and continues to carefully scrub away the dirt. It's not too horrible. The ice water bucket showers did more good than Logan thought but James isn't about to tell him that. "So how do you want it?" He asks, conversationally.

"Just like it used to be." Logan says instantly. "I want to look like the old Logan for Camille."

The stream of water stops and James helps Logan sit up. He drapes a towel over Logan's shoulders and then gently dries his hair with another towel. "The old Logan." He muses. "Logie, she'll love you no matter what."

"I know." A faint blush brings a hint of color to Logan's pale complexion. "I just want things to be as normal as possible."

James simply nods and then reaches for a comb. "You know I've never actually cut hair before." He admits, hoping to distract Logan who has started to eye the scissors nervously. "But how hard can it be? Besides, I'm an expert with my own hair. I'm sure it's similar with another person's hair." He picks up the scissors and glances at Logan. "I'm going to start trimming now, okay?"

"Okay." Logan shuts his eyes and tries not to flinch when he hears the scissors snip. "Sorry I'm tense." He apologizes. "He sometimes used scissors to cut me." Before James can reply, he reaches out and traces the scars on his friend's arm. "Why did _you_ do it?"

A sigh escapes James and he evens out a line of hair before he sets the comb and scissors aside. He's known that Logan's question was inevitable but it's not easy to answer. Logan had to suffer some monster cutting him and it makes James' stupid actions look only more stupid and selfish. "The first time I did it. . . I don't even remember doing it. I was home alone and all the sudden I felt this stinging in my arm and I looked down and I was bleeding. I was holding a razor blade in my hand. But Logan, I have no memory of actually walking from my room to the bathroom and cutting myself."

"After that I did it because. . . because losing you was the worst, Logan. It hurt to breath and it hurt to move and it hurt to do everything. To live. Every day I would wake up and wait for you to come home and every night I would go to bed thinking that maybe the next day you would come back. I was afraid, Logan. I was afraid of forgetting anything about you." James can barely look at Logan because he's ashamed and he doesn't want to see the tears he knows he's causing with every word.

"The first time it happened, I didn't think about any of that for a full five minutes. I was too distracted by the pain in my arm and then getting the bleeding to stop. I. . . I liked that, Logan. It was still pain but it was a different kind of pain. An easier kind of pain. And it felt good in a way because it was something I thought I had control of."

"But I was wrong. I didn't have control of it. Maybe I did in the beginning but it wasn't long before, like everything else, I lost control. I told myself that I could stop whenever I wanted to but I never did. It wasn't until I cut myself a little too deep and it bled through the band-aid and onto my shirt that I had no choice but to stop.. My parents noticed then and immediately set me up with a counselor."

James sighs and picks up the scissors again. "I stopped cutting myself almost right after everyone found out. The counselor helped me stop. But that's all he helped me do. He didn't help me accept what had happened to you and he didn't bring you back and that was the worst. All I wanted was for you to come back. All I-"

Logan cuts James off by taking the scissors from his hands and setting them back on the sink. Then he stands up and wraps both arms around his taller friend. He's shaking but it's not because he's crying or because he's afraid for himself. He's terrified for James even though he should be fine. The knowledge that one of his best friends was hurting that much chills Logan deep down and he can't shake the feeling off. "I'm right here." He whispers comfortingly with his face buried in James' shirt. "I'm back."

A tiny part of James feels guilty for being comforted by Logan. He's supposed to be taking care of Logan not the other way around. But he allows the comfort and rests his chin on top of Logan's head. "I know. I'm really happy now."

"Me too." Logan looks up to study him and seems to relax a little bit. Then he drops his arms and sits back down.

James takes the cue and picks the scissors up. He works in silence for the rest of the time, trimming and combing until he smiles. "How do you like it?"

Logan stares at his reflection in the mirror. His hair is short again and James even used hair gel and spiked it in the front just like it used to be like. "I love it." He says softly. "I don't look like a freak anymore. Thanks, James."

"You never did look like a freak." James shakes his head. "But you're welcome." He pulls Logan to his feet and then starts putting everything back where it belongs. He keeps an eye on Logan, afraid to let him out of his sight for even a minute.

Reluctant to let James do all the work of cleaning up, Logan retrieves the dust pan and brush from under the sink and sweeps up the remains of his hair. When the two boys are done, they glance at the clock on the wall and go back to wait for everyone to return.

They only wait for ten minutes before the front door opens and Mrs. Knight and Katie walk in with bags of groceries. They smile and compliment the boys over Logan's haircut and then forbid them from helping with the groceries, leaving them to wait.

Only five minutes later, the door opens again and Kendall and Carlos walk in followed by Jo and Camille. It's obvious right away that both girls have been crying and at first Logan isn't sure what to do. "Hi." He says quietly, while staring at Camille. She's just as beautiful as he remembered her but he doesn't like to see her cry.

Kendall and Carlos notice the haircut and give James a thumbs up before gently shoving the two girls in front of them. Then they're all seated in the family room, searching for a topic of conversation.

Then Camille stands up and moving slowly, sits beside Logan on the couch. She takes one of his hands in her's and gives him a wobbly smile. "Hi, Logan." When Logan puts his arms around her and holds her like he used to, her strength comes undone and Camille begins to cry again. "I'm sorry." She whispers against him. She closes her eyes as she feels Logan's fingers running gently through her hair. The familiarity between them between them despite their time apart is comforting. "It's just. . . I was so scared and I missed you so much and now. . . now you're here again." She wipes her face and tries to explain herself. "I'm not sad. . . I'm so happy right now, Logan. But at the same times. . . I don't even know." She feels completely helpless as she tries and fails to describe her emotions.

"I know." Logan says solemnly. "I feel the same way." He leans forward and then pulls back, hesitating. "Hold still. I. . . I want to try something." Then he closes his eyes and leans forward again, this time not stopping until his lips touch Camille's in a gentle kiss. "Just like I remember." He says softly. Then he brushes her tears away and gives her another quick kiss before pulling away. "I missed you too. More than you'll ever know."

"I think I do know." Camille says tearfully. But Logan's smile and kiss has lightened her heart a little bit and she returns his smile.

Still hesitant, Logan wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her close to him. Then he looks up, aware of everyone else in the room. "Hi, Jo. Thanks for coming."

"I wouldn't have missed it." Jo is eager to hug Logan but the last thing she wants to do is interrupt the interaction between him and Camille. When Logan motions her forward with his free hand, she moves to sit on his other side. "I'm so glad to see you again, Logan." She glances at Camille who is happier than she's been in a long time. "Can I. . . can I hug you?" She asks, uncertainly.

But Logan is quick to nod and he removes his arm from around Camille long enough to embrace Jo. When she starts to cry just like Camille did, he looks at Kendall from over her shoulder and then gently rub her back, soothingly. "It's really good to see both of you, believe me." He murmurs.

Jo senses the sudden tension in Logan's posture and pulls back. She smiles at both Logan and Camille as they return to their previous position and then she goes to sit next to Kendall, laying her head on his shoulder.

James glances at Carlos' somewhat forlorn face and then mimics Kendall's and Logan's positions with an arm around the smaller boy's shoulders

"Hey, I'm not you girlfriend." Carlos teases and tries to pull away.

"No, but you're my little brother." James keeps his grip firm and pulls Carlos even closer when he sees Logan watching them with a smile. "Nothing wrong with that, right?"

Carlos follows James' eyes and instantly stops struggling. "Nope. I like being brothers with you guys."

Kendall laughs at them and then drops a kiss on Jo's head. It almost feels like the six of them were never apart. He watches as Logan and Camille intertwine their fingers and then look at each other with the love-sick expressions on their faces that their friends used to tease them about. He was a little reluctant to have the girls come visit so soon because he was afraid of rushing things for Logan. Now he sees that Camille did more good for Logan than any of them could have imagined.

But now Kendall's worried about something else. He pastes a smile on his face when he sees James and Carlos continue to goof around to make Logan smile more. Inside however, he's deeply troubled. His gaze switches back to Camille and Logan. Logan looks so content and peaceful, even some of his old confidence has been restored with his old girlfriend in his arms. What, Kendall wonders, is going to happen when Camille has to go back to LA and leave Logan behind?

**A/N. This is when the angst offically starts. The next chapter is Kendall's birthday. If you know me at all then you know that my track record with giving the boys happy birthdays is absolutely horrible. Haha. Review?**


	5. It's Not That Easy

**A/N. This chapter is dedicated to EpicInTheLibrary because she's one of my best friends and she loves KENDALLANGST. Ha-ha. Um. . . I'm almost done 'Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix'. I started it yesterday. When I don't have school I can literally read all day long. I'm starting school again on Friday. Kill me. No don't. Anyway. I don't own anything.**

"_But the tigers come at night with their voices soft as thunder, as they tear your hope apart, as they tear your dream to shame." - 'I Dreamed a Dream' by the Les Miserables Cast. _

Logan stares out the car window as he and Kendall drive to the hospital for his first check-up. The day is warm and sunny but Logan is dressed in a long-sleeve shirt, hiding the marks on his arms from the people around them. A sudden thought occurs to him and he turns to Kendall. "Kendall?"

Kendall keeps his gaze on the road but he's glad that they stop at a red light so he can give his full attention to Logan. "What is it, buddy?" He asks quietly.

"When we go in there and they call my name. . . will you come with me?"

Before Logan is even finished speaking, Kendall nods. "Absolutely." He says firmly. "I won't let you out of my sight."

The promise makes Logan turn red with humiliation. He can't hide how vulnerable he has become. "Thank you."

They ride the rest of the way in silence and then Kendall finds a parking spot and they just sit in the car for a few minutes. "Ready?" Kendall asks, reluctant to push Logan.

Logan nods. "Okay." He looks out the window and seeing none of the reporters that he's been dreading, gets out of the car, immediately feeling like he's in the middle of a war zone with no shelter for protection. But then Kendall appears and wraps an arm around his shoulders and Logan feels better.

It's impossible to hide from the wide-eyed stares they get once they walk into the waiting room. Logan hasn't been out in public at all since his incredible return but everyone knows what happened. His story is all over the country as a top news story. But Logan is thankful when all he gets is the stares and even a few sympathetic smiles sent his way. The people of Minnesota seem to be sensitive enough to leave the two boys alone. Keeping his gaze straight in front of him, Logan signs in and then he and Kendall sit down to wait.

He wants them to stop staring. He knows that they mean him no harm and that they can't really help themselves. But the longer he sits and waits, the more uncomfortable he becomes. When the receptionist finally calls his name, he's relieved and even more distressed at the same time. Logan stands with Kendall and the two of them walk past the desk and start down the hallway.

"Excuse me," The receptionist stops them.

"Is something wrong?" Kendall asks politely since Logan is incapable of speaking.

The woman looks flustered by Kendall's bluntness and then points to a sign. "Only the patient is allowed back with the doctor." She tells them.

Logan freezes. His face loses what little color it has and he starts to tremble. "Wh-what?" He stammers in fear.

Kendall quickly wraps an arm around Logan's shoulders and pulls him closer. "There's no way that I'm leaving Logan alone." He says firmly. "You'll have to make an exception."

Obviously the receptionist is not used to being bossed around by a teenager. "I'm sorry, young man." She begins. "But I simply cannot allow you to-" She stops when Logan seems to crumble before her eyes.

"K-Kendall," He pleads. His legs wobble so that Kendall has to tighten his grip to keep him from falling to the floor. "Please don't leave me." He's crying now, only vaguely embarrassed by the scene he's causing.

"Logan," Kendall turns away from the woman who is watching them in shock and takes hold of Logan's shoulders. "I'm not going to leave you, I promise."

"It'll only be for a short while." Her voice is softer now as if it'll make the situation better.

Kendall stiffens and turns to glare at the receptionist. "It's not going to happen." He snaps, done with being polite. "I'm not leaving Logan for a second. He needs me. Can't you see that? He's my little brother and he needs me to take care of him right now. You're getting in the way."

"Samantha?" A middle-aged doctor appears seemingly out of nowhere, startling Logan even more. "What is the problem?"

Samantha's cheeks are flushed. "Dr. Harvey," She begins to explain. "This boy wants to go with his friend but-"

"There's no 'but' about this." Kendall interrupts harshly. "Either I'm going with Logan or we're finding another doctor. What's it going to be?"

But Dr. Harvey's eyes soften when they take in the two boys, one extremely distraught and the other refusing to back down. "Come with me." He says quietly. "Both of you."

"Thank you." Kendall nods and without looking at Samantha, leads Logan down the hall, following the doctor into a smaller, more private room. He reluctantly lets go of Logan and helps the smaller boy sit on the examination table while he takes a plastic chair and watches uneasily.

"I apologize for my receptionist." Dr. Harvey muses as he scans a pile of papers in a folder. "She's new here and was just following the set rules here. She meant no harm."

Since the doctor has been nothing but kind to them, Kendall simply bites back the cruel words he's thinking and simply acknowledges the doctor with another nod.

"All right, Logan." Dr. Harvey closes his folder and stands up. "Can you take your shirt off for me?"

Abruptly, Logan's arms go protectively around himself. "Do I have to?" He whispers, with wide eyes.

Sensing his patient's fear, the doctor doesn't move from where he's standing in the corner. "It'll help me examine you more thoroughly." He tries to explain. "Your brother is right here."

Despite his fear, Logan can't help but smile when the doctor refers to Kendall as his brother. Then he loosens his arms and grips the hem of his shirt and slowly lifts it up over his head, hissing softly in pain as the motion pulls at his sore body. He's trapped in darkness for an instance when the shirt is blocking his view of the room and he hears Kendall gasp. He cringes and then hurriedly finishes the action, balling up his shirt and setting it aside.

It's like a car accident. Kendall doesn't want to see it but he can't look away. Logan has grown horribly thin in the months of his captivity. Bones are visible under the pale skin and Kendall can count every one of his ribs. But that's not the worst part. Bruises, cuts and burns cover Logan's body. His chest is decorated with a wide array of differently healing injuries from fading scars to swollen, puffy lines where Logan was recently, and deeply, cut. Logan's flesh is red and blackened in some places in perfect little burnt circles from a cigar. He looks like a war refugee, Kendall realizes.

"Kendall?"

Logan's voice sounds far away and then Kendall feels a hand pressing gently on his back.

"Put you head between your knees." Dr. Harvey advises softly.

Kendall complies, wanting the overwhelming dizziness to stop but feeling silly that Logan's doctor is helping him instead. He shuts his eyes tightly and takes several deep breaths until the images fade from his mind for the time being. Then he slowly lifts his his to see Logan watching him with a mixed look of horror and pity on his face. "I'm sorry." He says regretfully.

"Are you okay?" Logan asks. He's grabbed his shirt once again and is holding it up against his chest shielding Kendall from most of the worst scars.

"I didn't know it was that bad." Kendall answers him shakily. He stands up and takes Logan's shirt from his hand and views his friend up close. "Logan," He whispers, shaking his head.

"It. . . It's fine." Logan whispers the lie. "It's not as bad as it looks."

The doctor steps forward then and starts his examination, forcing Kendall to retake his seat. The teen slumps over in the chair and watches. He watches as Dr. Harvey inspects each and every bruise, cut, and burn mark for infection. He listens as the doctor asks Logan questions and then as Logan answers. None of it makes that much sense to him but he's helpless to do anything else.

Finally they're finished and Kendall sighs in relief when Logan pulls his shirt back on. He can't forget what he's seen today though. He'll always remember. But he's not going to let Logan know how bothered he is and merely thanks the doctor and walks with Logan back out into the lobby, stopping to glare at Samantha once again.

On the drive home, Kendall is worried. Logan is quiet. He's always been quiet, even more so since he came back. But this quiet is different and has Kendall unnerved. He barely responds to Kendall's attempts at conversation, keeping his eyes on the floor of the car, back flat against his seat, as if hiding. "Logie, are you okay?" Kendall asks when at last he can bear Logan's silence no more.

Logan glances up at him and shrugs, returning his gaze to the floor without saying a word. Then when he feels Kendall's eyes on him he whispers, "I just want to go home."

Kendall stops at a red light and uses the opportunity to reach over and pat Logan's knee. "Almost there, buddy." He promises.

They arrive back at the Knight home and Logan waits until Kendall gets out and comes over to his side before he ventures from the safety of the vehicle. He feels Kendall's worried gaze even more than he feels the arm that wraps protectively around him but he can't say anything to put Kendall's mind at ease. He's ready to head upstairs to his room and lay down but as soon as they walk through the front door, Logan realizes he has to make new plans.

"Surprise!"

Kendall blinks at the birthday decorations that are strewn all over the house and then looks at everyone in the room. The Garcias, the Diamonds, Jo and Camille, his mother and sister, and even his father, looking slightly uncomfortable. Then he remembers. "Oh." He pastes a smile on his face. "Thanks."

Logan is completely mortified. It's Kendall's eighteenth birthday and he's completely forgotten it. He feels horribly guilty as he watches Kendall move around the room and gracefully thank each person individually. There are a stack of presents in the corner of the room and Logan shoves his hands in his pockets, thinking of how he has nothing to give Kendall.

"Who's ready for cake?"

Kendall steps away from hugging his father and can't help but grin when he sees Jo walking in with a cake lit by eighteen candle, leading the chorus of _Happy Birthday_. His back is turned to Logan when the song cuts off abruptly and he hears James' voice.

"Logan? Logan!"

Kendall spins around to see that Logan is clear across the room, back pressed against the wall, eyes wide with unspeakable terror. In the next instant he's right next to his friend and trying to get his attention. "Logan, can you hear me?"

He's afraid of touching Logan because he doesn't want to scare him. But Kendall reaches out slowly to put his hand on Logan's shoulder. As soon as he makes contact, Logan jerks away so violently that he loses his balance and nearly falls over.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, staring past Kendall, straight ahead at the cake. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Tears leak out of his eyes and slide slowly down his colorless face. Logan is in the living room with everyone else but at the same time he's in a completely different place. "Please don't hurt me."

"Logan, we're not going to hurt you." Kendall tries to keep his voice steady but fails miserably. "What. . . what's wrong?"

"Please," Logan whispers against, oblivious to Kendall. "Not the fire." His legs give out and before Kendall can catch him, he falls to the floor, shaking from head to toe. "Not the fire, please."

At last, someone seems to know what's going on. Kendall catches a movement across the room and glances over to see Carlos' father snatch the cake with the _burning candles_ from Jo and place it out of sight. "Logie," He whispers, using the nickname that always works. "Logie, it's okay. You're not going to get hurt. We're not going to hurt you. You're safe."

But for the first time ever, the nickname _fails_. It doesn't just fail to comfort Logan. It fails to get a response from him at all. He only continues to shake with sobs until he's barely breathing.

"Logan, look at me!" Kendall's eyes have blurred with tears by now and he tried to take Logan's shoulders again only to have the smaller boy shake his head violently and slide away into the corner of the room. "What-" Helpless, he turns to the others for answers.

Mr. Garcia steps forward and catches Logan in a firm but gentle grip. "Logan, breathe." He instructs the panicking teenager. "You have to breathe."

_Breathe_. Kendall pleads silently. _Breath, Logan! _He watches as Logan's face pale impossibly more and then as his lips turn a frightening shade of blue. He's really not breathing at all.

Just when Kendall feels like he's about to lose it, he hears Logan take in a choked gasp of air. Then he coughs and sputters hard as his neglected lungs fill with air again. He coughs and chokes until Kendall is afraid that he might pass out anyway. But then his breathing eases at last and the color begins to return to his face. "Logan," Kendall whispers, moving closer.

But Mr. Garcia stops everyone from advancing with a hand held up traffic-cop style. "Don't." He says quietly. "Not yet." He drops his hand and looks in Logan's eyes. "Logan, are you all right? Can you hear me?"

Kendall holds his breath and closes his eyes, waiting for Logan's answer, preparing himself for anything. But he hears nothing. He opens his eyes to see Logan staring back at Carlos' father with a blank expression on his face. "What's the matter with him?" He asks in a whisper.

"Squeeze my hand if you can hear me, Logan." Mr. Garcia continues to try in vain to get Logan to respond. When another attempt is met with the same failure, he looks up. "Someone call 911."

_No._ Just when Kendall has started to rebuild his life, the police chief's words bring it down once again, crumbling it to tiny pieces. He can't even think straight as he listens to the sounds around him. His own father is the one who obeys Mr. Garcia and is quickly relaying information via the one person who seems to have a clue of what's happening. Kendall catches snatches of the conversation between the two men.

_Panic attack._

_Flashback._

_Unresponsive._

_PTSD._

The last phrase catches Kendall's attention and he looks up. PTSD. He's heard that before but he's too scared to remember when or where he heard it or even what it means. His dad hangs up and Mr. Garcia goes back to talking to Logan.

Logan continues to stare without reacting to the numerous voices that are calling his name. Even when Camille drops to her knees just behind Mr. Garcia and tearfully begs for him to say something. It's almost as if his body alone is in the room and his mind is somewhere far away.

The wail of an ambulance siren drowns out the frightened voices and Kendall jumps up and runs to the door to let the paramedics in. "Please help him!" He begs. He falls back to the floor, unable to stand. "Help him. Help my little brother." Arms go around him and Kendall turns to cry against his father's chest. He's not even aware of where James and Carlos or anyone else is but he can't function properly.

"No!"

The cry of alarm breaks through Kendall's fear and he jerks away from his father to see Logan suddenly come to life. "Logan," He starts to say in relief before he realizes that Logan is still not with them.

"D-don't hurt me!" Logan begs of the strange men who have surrounded him. "Please! I'll. . . I'll try to be better. I'll be a good boy. . . Please just-" He's sobbing hard again and the singular comfort is that he's not crying hard enough to impair his breathing. "Just stop hurting me."

"We're not going to hurt you, kid." One of the paramedics tells him soothingly. "We're going to help you. Just relax, okay?"

But Logan doesn't listen. He doesn't even hear him. "Please." He begs over and over again. "Please stop."

Finally, the strongest of the men takes hold of Logan's arms and holds them to his side while another holds his legs to keep him from kicking out. Together they lift Logan and lay him on the stretcher and then strap him to the thin mattress.

Held down by his restraints, Logan can no longer thrash out. He seems to collapse within himself and cries. "Please. Somebody save me." He cries as he's wheeled out of the room.

Like a robot, Kendall is on his feet and following them out to the curb. "Can I come with you?" He begs as he continues to watch Logan.

"Sorry," The paramedic who first tried to get Logan's attention shakes his head and he lifts Logan into the back of the ambulance and closes the door. "No room. You'll have to follow."

Kendall wants to argue but he has no strength left. He stares as the vehicle turns on its siren and lights and then speeds away getting farther and father until it's out of his sight. Still he continues to watch almost like he's expecting them to come back and for Logan to climb out of the back, perfectly fine.

"Come on, Kendall." His father is there again and James and Carlos are with him. "We'll follow in my car."

At first Kendall almost suggests that Carlos' dad take them instead so they can speed. But then he remembers that Mr. Garcia doesn't have his police car with him. So he follows the others and climbs in the back of the car, squeezing together with Carlos and James who are both shaking.

They arrive at the hospital and Kendall's dad lets them out at the emergency room entrance. Kendall immediately rushes in and up to the desk. "Samantha!" He uses the receptionist's first name to pull her attention away from the computer.

"You're back?" She's understandably confused. "Where is-"

"They brought Logan." Kendall doesn't have the energy to be angry with her again. He just wants to know that Logan is okay. "He. . . I don't know."

Samantha seems to want to make up for her earlier insensitivity and is already typing away on her computer. "His last name in Mitchell, right? There's no record of him being brought in today. I mean, I have on here that he came for his check-up but that's it. Did he just come in?" She watches as Kendall nods rapidly. "Okay then." She says softly. "That explains it then. If he just came in then I won't have any record. You'll probably know how he is before I can tell you anything."

"Thank you." Kendall's father says politely. He leads the boys over to a corner of chairs and sits them down. "Okay. Now we wait."

Eventually everyone shows up until they all take up an entire corner of the large room. Despite the large group, it's completely silent as they wait. Even Carlos' younger sisters, the youngest only three, seem to sense the gravity of the situation.

After what seems like hours to Kendall, a doctor approaches them. "Logan Mitchell?" He says quietly.

"Yes." They all say and stand in unison.

"Have a seat." He gestures to their chairs and sits himself. When they don't move, he rushes to reassure them. "Logan is resting comfortably right now."

Resting comfortably. That could mean anything. But Kendall sits and waits, hands gripping the edges of his chair.

"I'm Doctor John Williams." The doctor begins. "I'm afraid that Logan suffered from a rather extreme panic attack earlier today. It was probably as a result of his trauma. In fact. . ." He glances down for a moment. "It may be too early to tell but Logan is showing all the symptoms of PTSD which stands for post-traumatic stress disorder."

"What exactly is that?" Mrs. Knight asks, glancing at Carlos' father who nods with the doctor's statement.

"Most people in their lives will suffer what is considered to be a traumatic event in their lives." Doctor Williams begins. "But a small group of these people, mostly war veterans, develop PTSD. To be perfectly honest, given Logan's circumstances, I'm not surprised."

"What's going to happen to him?" Kendall asks, unable to stay silent.

"Well, he's going to need therapy." The doctor is suddenly scribbling something down on his clipboard. "As well as medications for his anxiety and to ward off more attacks and help him with the depression he's likely to suffer from. After that it's a waiting game. Different people react differently to treatment."

Kendall can stand it no longer. "Can we see him?" He asks hopefully.

But Doctor Williams hesitates. "I don't know." He says slowly. "He's sleeping from the sedative we gave him but I can't tell what condition he'll be in when he wakes up. Do you mind if we take it slow? One at a time?"

Kendall feels himself being shoved forward and hears someone say that he should go first. He nods when James and Carlos tell him to tell Logan that they said hi and that they love him and some other things, and then he follows the doctor without a backward glance.

"Call if there's a problem." Doctor Williams tells him. "I'm going to explain a few more things to your mother and then I'll bring someone else in if Logan is able to handle it."

"Thanks." Kendall mutters dully. He collapses into a chair besides Logan's bed and gives into his tears. "Logan, I'm so sorry." He whispers. "I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. I'm sorry I didn't guess. I should have known. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you."

A hand grips Kendall's and the blonde lifts his head to see Logan staring back at him. "Don't cry."

Relief floods through Kendall at the words. It's so strong that he can't even be upset that Logan is crying a little. He reaches up and wipes his own tears away. "Logan," He whispers. "It's okay, buddy. Don't cry."

"But you're crying." Logan returns miserably. "I'm sorry, Kendall. I'm sorry I ruined your birthday."

Instantly, Kendall sits up and gathers Logan into his arms. "Shhh." He murmurs gently. "Don't say that. You didn't ruin my birthday." He rubs Logan's back with one hand while the other is still clutched tightly in both of Logan's hands.

Logan nods against Kendall. "Yes I did." He says sadly. "I freaked out. I'm sorry, Kendall. I. . . I don't remember any of it. But I know I probably scared everyone and I didn't even get you a present because I forgot and this was probably the worst birthday ever for you because-"

"Hey," Kendall takes Logan by the shoulders and looks at him carefully. "Logan, last year was the worst birthday ever. My mom made a cake and I did something I haven't done for ten years. I made a wish before I blew out the candles. I wished that you would come back. Then you didn't and I sat in my room with James and Carlos and I swear Logan, the three of us cried like babies for the rest of the day. We were miserable."

"Now this birthday," Kendall smiles when he sees the guilt in Logan's eyes ease a little bit with every word. "This is the best birthday I've ever had. You're here and everyone else is right down the hall. As long as I have my family and all _three _of my brothers, I couldn't be happier."

Logan glances down. "Even when I'm a screwed up mess?"

Kendall nods. "Even when you're a screwed up mess. You'll be okay, Logan. You just need a little help. And I promise, I _swear_ that I'll be with you every single step of the way. You'll never be alone again."

Logan bites his lip and then nods, a small smile gracing his face. "Okay." He whispers. "I have to stay here overnight just in case. I don't want to be by myself."

You won't." Kendall wraps his arms around Logan again and pulls him close. The door opens and Carlos and James cautiously poke their heads in. Kendall smiles and motions them in. "We'll all stay with you, Logie. We promised you that we would never leave you again and we're keeping that promise no matter what."

**A/N. Well, Rieley, m'dear, I hope you had your fill of KENDALLANGS because you won't get more until. . . -consults notes- chapter seven. Did everyone else like it? Review? Pretty please and thanks!**


	6. Moving On

**A/N. Okay, so this is actually an angsty chapter but compared to C7 it's not bad. I finished Harry Potter 5 in three days. It's 870 pages. I clearly need a life. I don't own anything.**

"_Here goes nothing. Here goes everything. Gotta reach for something or you'll fall for anything. So take a breath, take a step. What comes next, God only knows. But here goes." - 'Here Goes' by Bebo Norman._

Carlos sits at the kitchen table in the Knight's home, staring at the large clock on the wall. Usually time seems to crawl by for the energetic boy but today is different. The thin second hand seems to be going twice its normal speed as he waits for 2:00. He doesn't want 2:00 to come at all.

1:48.

He turns his gaze to look out the back window where he can just see Camille and Logan sitting together on the back porch swing. They look so peaceful and happy right now. Logan looks peaceful and happy even though he's had nightmares almost every single night since he came home from the hospital the first time. His arm is wrapped around Camille's shoulders and he's resting his head on top of her's as they talk quietly.

Logan hasn't had another panic attack. They've all been extremely cautious to avoid triggering any unwelcome memories but Carlos suspects that Camille has done a good job of keeping Logan at ease in a way that no one else can mimic.

1:54.

Carlos is scared. He's terrified that Logan is going to have another panic attack. He can never forget the way Logan cried and begged them not to hurt him and then totally froze everyone out, deaf to the care and love in their voices. Carlos has known that Logan isn't completely whole. But it wasn't until Kendall's birthday that they all realized just how broken he is now.

With a start, Carlos looks up at the clock and his shoulders slump. 2:01. He wishes that he was a super hero so he could freeze time and keep Logan in the state of bliss that Camille keeps him in just with her presence. But he's not a super hero. He's just an ordinary seventeen-year-old guy who is determined to do everything in his human powers to keep his best friend safe. Even though what he needs to do now is maybe break Logan's heart.

He stands up and walks over to the screen door, pausing to take in the serenity of the couple on the other side. It's obvious that they've both forgotten what today is going to bring for them. He slowly slides the screen door open, wincing when Logan jumps slightly at the unexpected sound. "Sorry," he apologizes for so much more than scaring him.

Instantly, Logan's face changes from content to a poorly hidden grief. "It's time isn't it?" He asks quietly.

Carlos can only nod at first, frightened by how quickly Logan has already changed. "Yeah. It's time."

Logan stands up and pulls Camille to her feet, keeping their hands locked together. "All right then." He says in a defeated tone. "Let's go."

Carlos turns and walks ahead of the other two, giving them some last minute privacy.

Logan stops by the front door and takes both of Camille's hands. "I'm sorry I can't come with you." He tells her, lowering his head in shame. He hates himself for being such a coward that he can't bring himself to go to the airport while they drop off Camille and Jo. He's too scared to go out in public unless he has to for a doctor's appointment.

Camille frees one of her hands and touches Logan gently on the chin so that he looks back up at her. "I understand, Logan. You don't have to be ashamed. I don't blame you at all." She sees Logan's beautiful brown eyes fill with tears and her own eyes fill at the sight. "Please don't cry." She steps into his embrace and rests her head against his chest, taking pleasure in feeling the heartbeat that tells her he's alive.

"I'll miss you." Logan buries his head in her brunette curls and inhales the scent of the shampoo she uses, determined to remember everything about her. The way she looks, the way her voice sounds, and the way her hair smells.

"I'll miss you too, Logan. I promise I'll visit as much as possible." By now Camille's tears are flowing freely but when she pulls away she sees that Logan is struggling to stay strong for her. She closes her eyes as he reaches up with both hands, placing them of either side of her face, and wipes the tears away.

Logan leans forward and kisses Camille, hoping that the intimate contact will provide him with the strength he needs to hold himself together until she leaves and he can fall apart. "I'll be looking forward to your visits then." He says with a shaky smile. Then he glances at his watch and the smile slips. "You'd better get going." He whispers.

Camille doesn't want to leave him. She knows that he's perfectly safe with his friends and their families who will never ever let anything happen to him again. But as she nods and steps away she can't help but feel like she's losing him all over again. The increased distance between them only lasts for a heartbeat and she finds herself back in his arms again. She hates how thin he is and how he winces slightly when she hugs him just a little too hard but he's _here_ and soon she's going to be _there_ and she's not sure she can handle it. Then she hears him.

"I love you." Logan whispers. He steps out of her embrace so he can kiss her again. Her lips are soft and sweet and he's realizes just how perfect the two of them are together. _Meant to be. _He ignores the tiny voice in his head that asks why she's leaving if they're so perfect. Sometimes things needed to happen for. . . He can't come up with a good explanation so he just rambles aloud to her, drowning out the voice in his head.

"I love you so much, Camille. I always have and I always will. I can't even begin to thank you for what you've done for me. You and Carlos and James and Kendall and everyone else. You saved my life and you're still saving my life right now." He takes her small hand and lays it on his chest above his heart. "Feel that?" He asks softly. "The only reason that's happening is because all those months I was locked away and everything. . . I had something to keeping living for."

"But I'm leaving you." Camille sniffs back more tears, not ever wanting to move from the very spot she's standing. She wants to hear Logan's heartbeat for the rest of her life.

"I know." Logan's face is pained but he smiles anyway. "But only for a little bit until you visit again. It's temporary, Cam. We _know_ it's coming to an end." He glances outside. Kendall and James and Jo are in the car waiting and Carlos is nowhere to be seen. "I have something for you." His grief at losing Camille again eases and is replaced by nerves. He slips one hand inside his pocket and pulls out a small jewelery box. "We're a little young and I'm still too messed to be thinking about getting engaged, but. . ."

"Logan," Camille gasps as Logan suddenly drops slowly to one knee.

Logan swallows and grips her hand tightly even though he knows that she isn't going anywhere. "This isn't an engagement ring." He explains as he opens the box to reveal a silver ring. "But it's a promise ring. Camille, I love you. I can't say that enough. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I know it won't happen for a long time but. . . I promise that as long as you want me I'm yours."

Camille is crying again but the tears have switched from tears of sadness to an overwhelming joy. "Logan," She whispers again. She drops to both of her knees in front of him and kisses him, laying her arms over his shoulders and around his neck in a loose hug. "I love you too and I promise I'll always be yours."

A smile lights up Logan's face. "Are you sure?" He asks. "You don't have to. I know I'm not perfect or anything but-"

Quickly, Camille silences him by placing her fingertips over his lips. "You're perfect to me." She tells him. "Yes, I'm sure."

Logan's hands shake but he manages to slide the ring on Camille's right ring finger. "We'll save your left ring finger." He smiles again and kisses her on the hand. Then he takes both of her hands in his again and stands up, pulling her up with him. "I love you so much." He says again. He lifts her hand up and kisses the ring. "Now you'll always have a part of me even when we're apart."

One last time, Camille finds herself in his arms but this time it doesn't feel like her heart is breaking. "I love you too. I promise I'll write you every day and call every night. I'll visit as much as I can and one day. . ." She glances down at the ring on her finger and smiles. "One day I'll be Mrs. Camille Mitchell and we'll never be apart again."

They step apart and their linked hands eventually, regretfully break. Logan watches from the doorway as Camille walks down the steps and to the car, glancing over her shoulder every few steps. He continues to watch as she gets in the car and closes the door. Even when he can't see her through the tinted window and Kendall pulls out of the driveway he watches. Then the car disappears around the corner and he heads up to his room, his strength giving out at last. He's not sure if his heart or his feet are heavier as he drags himself slowly up the stairs, trying to see past the blinding tears.

Carlos is already waiting for him in the upstairs hallway. He wraps an arm around his shaking friend and leads him to the bedroom. "Lay down for a little bit, Logan." He says gently.

Unable to stand, Logan willingly obeys. He tries to hold back his tears for Carlos' sake but when he feels his younger friend start to rub his back comfortingly, he loses his control and sobs into his pillow, shaking with the effort. "I'm s-sorry." He stammers out in between gasps of air.

"It's okay to cry, Logan." Carlos feels his own eyes burn with tears but he blinks them away. "You've been too brave anyway."

"I just. . . didn't expect it to hurt so much." Logan turns on his side so he can see Carlos. "I miss her already."

"Logie," Carlos squeezes his friend's shoulders gently. "I'm sorry."

His apology catches Logan off guard and the tears cease almost instantly. "Why are you sorry?" He asks in confusion.

Carlos shrugs and looks down. "Because," He says, his voice catching. "You're so sad and I can't make you feel better." He looks back at Logan. "I _hate _seeing you like this."

"Don't be sorry." Logan sits up slowly, wincing in pain. "It's not your fault. Carlos." He reaches over and grabs the box of tissues near his bed and dries his face. "I'm sorry for falling apart. I just. . . I love her and I don't want to be apart from here. That was the worst part, you know."

"What do you mean?" Carlos frowns, sensing that he has an idea of what Logan is talking about.

For a minute, Logan doesn't answer him. Then, "When you weren't with me." He whispers. "I'm glad that you weren't with me of course. But I missed you so much. Everything he did to me was nothing compared to how much I missed everyone. I was so lonely. That's the worst feeling in the world, Carlos. I hate being alone."

"But you're not alone anymore." Carlos points out in hopes of cheering Logan up.

It works a little. Logan flashes him one of the tiny grins that they've all come to treasure because they're so rare. "Believe me, I know. I'm really glad about that. But I hate being so messed up like this. Carlos, I don't remember anything about my panic attack and everyone else is terrified that it'll happen again. I hate being such a burden on everyone."

Carlos starts shaking his head before Logan is done speaking. "Logan," He says as firmly as he dares. "You're not a burden at all. You don't know what it was like when we lost you. I thought I was going to die. We never knew anything. Having you back with us. . . it's a miracle. We couldn't be happier."

"I know that." Logan says with the tiniest trace of doubt. "Thank you, But I just want to stop messing things up. Like Kendall's birthday last week. And it's James' birthday tomorrow. What am I going to do then? I didn't get Kendall a present and I have no idea what I can possibly give to James."

A small laugh escapes Carlos. "You're kidding, right? _You're_ our present, Logan. There's nothing any of us want."

"But I want to give you something." Logan insists. "I just. . . don't know."

"Then you and I will think about it while we wait for Kendall and James to get back." Carlos promises cheerfully. "It'll take your mind off Camille until she calls you tonight." He grins suddenly. "By the way, you rocked earlier today. Congrat-"

"Shhh." Logan turns bright red. "We didn't get engaged or anything."

"Oh no?" Carlos can't help but tease him a little. "What's the difference?"

Logan sighs and shrugs. "Actually," He admits. "I don't really know. I didn't exactly ask her to marry me but we promised each other so. . ."

"So you're practically engaged." Carlos gives him a hug. It starts out as an innocent hug to congratulate Logan. But Carlos finds it hard to let him go. For some childish reason he believes he can hold Logan together if they just stay like that. He's afraid to let go but when he feels Logan go from relaxed to tense, he reluctantly pulls away.

Instead of answering him, Logan ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck. "So," He begins conversationally. "What's this about you helping me find presents for James and Kendall?"

"Oh right." Carlos fakes a laugh and tries to shake off the feeling that Logan is falling apart even though he seems to be okay. He tries to ignore the fact that there's nothing he can do to stop it. "Sure, I'll help you." He stands up and then helps Logan to his feet as well. "Let's brainstorm."

As Carlos leads him slowly out of the room, Logan casts one last glance at the picture he has sitting on his desk. He and Camille. Back in LA. Everything was so normal. Exactly who was he anymore?

When Kendall and James return the house is fairly quiet. Kendall's mother is reading one of her magazines while Katie seems content with a movie. "Where-" Kendall starts to ask right away.

"In Logan's room." Mrs. Knight smiles at the two of them. "Logan's okay for the most part. He was upset when you first left but I think Carlos took good care of him."

_Carlos._ Kendall has to work to keep the smile on his face. He used to be the sunshine of the four boys. He always made everyone feel better so Kendall isn't surprised by his mother's words. Kendall is proud of Carlos for how much he has matured but he just wishes that the situation wasn't so heartbreaking. He wants Carlos to be goofy again and he wants James to be self-absorbed again and he wants Logan to be Logan again. _Maybe one of these days. _He tells himself as he follows James' quick steps up the stairs.

"Hey."

Carlos and Logan are sitting in the middle of the floor in Logan's room. They look up when the other boys walk in. Carlos grins widely while Logan merely gives them a tired smile. "Did the girls get on their plane without a problem?"

"Yup." Kendall nods to ease Logan's fears. "Camille said she'll call you when she gets in tonight." He and James join their friends on the floor. "We saw the ring you gave her." When Logan blushes, Kendall can't help but smirk a little. But tears fill his eyes anyway and he hugs Logan gently, only letting him go so James can hug him too. "We're really happy for you two."

When Logan smiles again, Kendall wishes he had a camera so he could caption the rare moment. "Thanks." He says shyly. "Do you think we'll be okay?"

"Don't think so." James says with a shake of his head. "_Know _so."

"Hey," Logan sits up and changes the subject. "I have presents for you guys."

"Presents?" Kendall and James repeat in unison. "Logie," Kendall shakes his head. "We don't want anything."

Logan glares at him. "Yeah well I want to give you something so get over it." He stands up and takes a wrapped package from the bed. "James first because it's easier." He hands James the gift and watches him nervously. "I didn't actually buy anything. Carlos and I just made a few trips here and there. I mean, one trip." He stammers awkwardly as he stares at his friend.

"It's fine, Logan." James says quickly. He struggles with the ribbon while trying to watch Logan at the same time. Finally, when Logan looks frustrated, he puts all of his focus on the stubborn wrapping and manages to undo it rather quickly. "Aha!" He exclaims proudly.

"It's amazing what you can do when you actually pay attention." Logan says, rolling his eyes.

James laughs at Logan's teasing and starts to pull off the wrapping paper. He lets Kendall take the trash away and then he looks at Logan's gift. "Wow, Logan." It's all he can say at first.

"The trip we made was to your house." Logan admits somewhat sheepishly. "Your mom had the album already. I know that they're yours and I hope you don't mind but I thought that. . . what you told me earlier. . . I thought it might be perfect."

James blinks away tears so he can see better. Logan has given him a simple black photo album but it's not empty. What caught his attention in the first place is _the _picture. The picture that means everything to him. The last picture taken before everything changed decorates the cover of the book and it's some time before James can bring himself to turn the first page. On the inside cover, Logan's neat handwriting stands out and James pulls the book closer to him so he can read the note by himself.

_Dear James, _

_Happy Birthday, Jay! I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to celebrate this birthday with you. You're one of my three best friends and like Kendall and Carlos, your birth is definitely something to celebrate. I hope you know that, bro._

_I'm sorry I wasn't there last year when you needed me. I'm sorry you were in so much pain. I know it wasn't my fault but I'm still sorry. Knowing that you suffered so much to the point where you turned to self-harm is the worst, James. Please don't ever do that again. I know you haven't done it in a long time and I'm incredibly proud of you. You're stronger than you think, James. Always remember that. And always remember that you'll always have friends and family who care about you. We love you and we don't want to see you get hurt. _

_I told Camille this earlier today and I told Carlos too. I'll tell Kendall too, don't worry. James, it's the most obvious thing in the world but the last fifteen months in my life have been the most terrifying, most painful months in my life. Everything. But the worst part was going for so long without being with you guys. I missed you so much every day that I thought I might die just from that. When you know someone for as long as we've known each other, it's like you become literally attached. I'm sure you know what I mean. See James, the only reason I'm alive today is because I wanted to see everyone, including you, again. I wanted to hang out and talk and play hockey and sing with you again. When I felt like I couldn't hang on another day, all I needed to do was think of my best friends and it gave me just enough strength to hold on just a little bit longer. You saved me._

_You know something else that means a lot to me? The fact that none of you ever gave up on finding me. That blows my mind that you never lost hope. See? You're strong, James. But even if this miracle didn't happen I know you would have been okay. Because that's how amazing you all are. You have each other and you held tight to each other instead of falling apart. Just the same I'm glad to be back. _

_James buddy, it's not going to be easy. Both of us know that. If there was some way I could spare you that pain then I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't want you to see me so weak. But you know what I think? I think this whole messy experience is going to bring us all closer to each other. That makes it somewhat better right? Is it worth it? I hope so. What I do know is that whatever happens, you guys are going to stay with me. That means more to me than I could ever put into words, James. The fact, the knowledge, that you're more than willing to go through more pain to help me._

_Anyway, the whole point of this note is to say thank you for never giving up on me and always being there for me. I don't know what is going to happen in the year ahead but I do know that I'm going to be with you again and that makes all the bad stuff go away. Thank you, James. If there's anyway I can ever return the favor let me know okay? _

_You're one of the three best brothers and friends in the entire world, James. I love you._

_-Your little brother, Logie._

James lowers the book and pulls Logan close to him, letting his tears fall.

"Do you like it?" Logan's voice is muffled against his shirt. "You don't mind me using your pictures right? Especially that one." He points to the front cover. "Carlos said that's your favorite and I thought it was kind of perfect. Do you like it?"

"Logan, I love it." James says in a trembling whisper. "It's the second best present I've ever gotten. Getting you back is the first obviously." He smiles. "But Logan, this is perfect. Thank you." He cracks open the cover again and runs his fingers over the note in the beginning. "Perfect." He repeats.

"I'm glad." Logan says softly. "Carlos helped me."

"Only a little." Carlos shakes his head. "You know me. I'm too disorganized."

"So that's what you two have been up to." Kendall grins. "Well you spent your time well."

Logan perks up at his words. "That's not all." He says. "I have a present for you too, Kendall."

"Logan-"

"Yes you do need a present." Logan interrupts. "Come one, Kendall."

Before Kendall can reply he catches Carlos' stare. The younger boy gives him a sort of glare and then nods fiercely and Kendall catches his meaning. _Logan needs this more than you do. This isn't about you, it's about Logan. _"Okay then." He says, earning a smile from Carlos. "Where are we going?" He asks the question because both Logan and Carlos have stood up by now.

"Surprise." Logan replies. "Let's go."

Kendall glances back to see James place his photo album down on Logan's desk in an almost reverent manner and then the two older boys follow Logan and Carlos. "Logan? Carlos?" Kendall asks as they lead him outside and to the car.

"Get in." Logan climb in the back, keeping the door open for Kendall. "Carlos is driving."

"But where?" Kendall protests as he obeys Logan. Logan hasn't been anywhere in public that he hasn't needed to be.

"Kendall!" Carlos gives him another glare. "Just be quiet okay? You'll see in fifteen minutes."

And Kendall does see in fifteen minutes. "The rink?" His eyes are open wide as he turns to look at Logan. "Are you sure?"

Logan looks around the empty parking lot with a frown. "I hope they're not closed." He says, too distracted to answer Kendall. "It looks like no one is here."

"Well, let's go see!" Carlos says optimistically. He hops out of the driver's side and when Kendall gets out he pulls him aside, shooting James a look that screams _Distract Logan_. "He wanted to give you this. He wants to skate with all of us again. But don't worry. When he was looking at James' pictures with Mrs. Diamond I called the rink and asked them to give it to us for a couple of hours. Try not to worry right now, Kendall. Logan really wanted to do this for you. He's already upset that he "couldn't do more" as he says."

Kendall studies Logan who seems to be telling James the purpose of speed bumps and nods. "Okay. But watch him carefully. Sorry." He adds the last bit when Carlos gives him a glare and a small shove. "You did great with him today, Carlos."

"So," Logan walks up to them with James in tow. "What should we do?"

"There's one car here!" Carlos points out the old Ford near the back. "Whoever is here works here. I guess we have the whole rink to ourselves. Cool!"

Logan's face brightens considerably at the thought and the four boys walk into the quiet building. "We _are _the only ones here." He breathes.

There is one worker there, an older man who is probably in his sixties. When Carlos lets it "accidentally" slip that they're there for Kendall's birthday, the man lets them rent skates for free and doesn't even charge them to skate. "Happy birthday." He says with a smile.

"Come on." Logan grabs Kendall's wrist and wobbles on his skates out onto the ice. James and Carlos are right behind them. "It's been a while." He slips on the unfamiliar surface but Kendall steadies him. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Logan." Kendall says with a light laugh. "This means so much to me." He can't help but notice with some regret that Logan is holding onto both of his hands. It reminds him of how weak Logan still is and how he still tires easily. Kendall skates backwards, holding tightly to his friend, thinking of how he learned to skate with his father the same exact way.

"You like it then?" Logan asks hopefully. "I feel bad because I didn't spend any money on you or James."

"Money." Kendall scoffs. "Money isn't everything, Logan. You know that."

Logan nods. "I do. But-"

"But nothing. "Like James said earlier, this is the second best present I've ever gotten. Money can't buy happiness, Logan, but I'm happy because I'm with my three best friends."

"Okay." Logan looks up at him. "Happy birthday, Kendall."

Kendall laughs as James and Carlos stop by them and Carlos insists that they all join hands.

"We used to to do this all the time when we were little, remember?" The younger boy says eagerly as Kendall and James take the ends while he and Logan are in the middle.

Kendall grins as James and Carlos joke with each other about the pranks they used to pull when they were little. But out of the corner of his eye, he keeps a constant watch on Logan. He seems to be doing okay, distracted from missing Camille. But Logan just wants one more thing for his birthday because he can't remember the last time it happened.

He wants Logan to laugh.

James lays in the dark of Logan's room. He shifts slightly underneath his sleeping bag, trying not to make any noise. Kendall and Carlos are fast asleep after the busy day but he's not sure about Logan. As soon as the thought crosses his mind, James hears a sound and freezes.

Logan is crying softly in his sleep. He's whispering words that James can't make out but he sounds like he's begging someone to stop doing something.

In a flash, James rises to his knees beside the bed and touches Logan gently on the shoulder. "Logan, wake up, buddy." His eyes are adjusted to the dark because he's never gone to sleep and he sighs in relief when Logan's eyes flutter open right away. "Logie, it's me. James. You're okay."

"James?" Logan breaths in a tiny voice.

James swallows and nods hard. "Yeah. You're in your room. I'm here. Kendall and Carlos are too." He stands up and then lays down on the bed, gathering a shaking Logan in his arms. "You're okay, Logan. I've got you." When Logan doesn't answer, James shifts his position. "Kendall!" He calls quietly.

Kendall is awake right away. "What's the matter? Logan?"

"I've got him." James says before Kendall can go into full panic mode. "I've got him right here. He had another nightmare. Go turn the light on." He hears Kendall get up and then lays a hand over Logan's eyes, shielding him from the bright light that floods the room.

"Logan?" Carlos is awake now. He sits up and nearly trips Kendall as the older boy tries to return to James and Logan.

"M'here." Logan replies faintly. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Logan. I was awake anyway." James tells him honestly.

Logan doesn't move from where he's pressed tightly against James but he continues to talk. "I woke up Kendall and Carlos then. Again. I'm sorry. You're all probably exhausted."

The mattress dips as Kendall and Carlos crawl over James and Logan and sit up on the bed with their backs resting against the wall. "You're worth it, Logan." Carlos says sleepily.

"See? We're all here." James rubs Logan's back, relaxing when he feels Logan relax. Are you going to be okay?"

Logan looks up at James. He has his friends surrounding him once again and he feels mostly safe. But he shrugs. "I don't know if I can go back to sleep right now." He admits.

"That's fine." James lets go of Logan with one hand and reaches over to Logan's desk. He finds the object and pulls it over to him, sitting up as he does so. "Let's look at these pictures."

"Pictures!" Carlos exclaims as he and Kendall both lean in closer for a better look.

It's the perfect distraction. It's past 3:00 in the morning but since Logan can't sleep, James and Carlos and Kendall aren't going to sleep either. They take their time looking at every picture, recalling the memories that come to them even in their half-awake states. They're only halfway through when Logan falls asleep with his head on James' chest. Kendall and Carlos nod off at almost exactly the same time and somehow manage to both lay down in what little bed space is left to them.

James smiles when he sees his friends all asleep. He flips back to the beginning of the photo album and reads Logan's note again. He reads it so many times that he loses count. But he reads it over and over again, committing it to memory so he doesn't forget.

Then again, he doesn't really need pictures and words to help him remember his friends. They're right there in the same room with him and right now James can't imagine forgetting anything about them. Still, it can't hurt. So he reads the note several more times until his eyes grow heavy with sleep and he sets the book aside. He rests his head on top of Logan's and closes his eyes.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. They have no idea what's coming but they'll face it and get through it. Together.

**A/N. I'm tired. I wrote a little bit of C10 because I have everything else written but I need sleep. We're talking horrible insomnia ever since 2011 started. Anyway, we'll see if I have any luck tonight. Review?**


	7. Drown

**A/N. I finished Harry Potter and my heart is broken forever. Thanks to those who review. I don't own anything.**

_"There's no way out of this dark place. No hope, no future. I know I can't be free. But I can't see another way. And I can't face another day" - 'No Way Out' by Phil Collins_

Logan holds the phone close to his ear, listening to each ring. The third ring is interrupted and he hears Camille's voice.

"Hi, Logan."

He can breathe so much easily now. "Hey," He tries to sound casually and not let her know that he's slipping off the edges of his remaining sanity. "How are you?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too." Logan presses the phone even closer to his ear as if it will bring her closer to him. "How was your day?"

Camille sighs. "Long." She admits. "I had a few auditions and then some interviews. Jo and I had lunch together so that was nice." She pauses. "Everyone here says 'hi'. Buddha Bob, Tyler, even Mr. Bitters. They all keep asking me and Jo how all of you are."

Logan doesn't know how to respond. He clears his throat awkwardly. "Yeah? How. . . how are they?"

"Everyone is good. Happy about you of course. Kelly and Gustavo still want to visit soon but they've been horribly busy and they don't want to come before you're ready. I can tell that _both_ of them miss you though. They miss all of you."

She's smiling as she speaks and Logan closes his eyes, trying to picture her face. It's been eleven days since she left and with each passing day he feels like he's losing part of himself. He's told no one, not even his therapist because he doesn't know how to describe it. He doesn't want them to know how weak he really is. He doesn't want them to worry more than they already are. He wants them to live as normally as possibly and that includes Camille being able to focus on her work as an actress rather than thinking about him all day.

"Logan, are you okay?"

He swallows past the lump in his throat and wills the tears away. "I'm okay." He answers. "Just tired." He glances at his alarm clock. "It's almost 11:00 here."

"It's almost 9:00 here." Camille whispers. "This time difference is making things a little more difficult than I thought it would."

"It's okay." Logan rushes to reassure her. It really isn't the two hour time difference that's causing the trouble. The fact that it's 11:00pm isn't really a big deal. It's not why he's so tired. He hasn't been sleeping well at all. Nightmares plague him almost every single night to the point where he's afraid of sleeping. But he's not about to tell her that. "I'm sorry." He adds around a yawn.

"Logan, you should probably get some sleep." Camille tells him sadly. "I have some things to do tomorrow morning but we can talk in the afternoon. That will make things easier for you, right?"

Logan shrugs at first and then realizes that she can't see him. "I have a doctor's appointment at 1:00 and then I have therapy right after. I don't know what time I'll be done."

"Oh," Camille is silent as she thinks of a solution. "Just. . . just call me when you're done then, okay? I might not be doing anything."

"Okay," Logan holds onto the phone so tightly that his knuckles turn white. "I. . . I love you."

"I love you too."

They never say goodbye exactly. They always end with their 'I love you's'. It seems less real that way. Better. Still, even after Camille hangs up, Logan holds onto his cell phone, not wanting to accidentally miss anything. Then he feels foolish and drops the phone on his desk. He sighs and lays down on his bed.

"Logan," Carlos walks in followed by Kendall and James. "How're you doing?"

Logan can't speak because he feels like he'll cry again if he opens his mouth. So he shrugs. He can sense his three friends watching him with extreme concern but he's too tired to try and make them feel better. He can't even think of anything to say. So he closes his eyes and tries to sleep.

"Do you want to talk about anything?" Kendall asks gently. He sees Logan shake his head and then turn so they can't see his face. Fear clenches his heart and squeezes tightly but he tries to push it away. He tries to tell himself that Logan is just missing Camille and that he'll be okay eventually. It's all part of the healing process. "Okay," He says reluctantly. "But if you ever need to talk, Logan. We're right here." His words are met with silence and he sighs and lays down on Logan's floor, in his sleeping bag, ready for another night of keeping watch over Logan.

* * *

As soon as Carlos wakes up, his eyes move automatically to the bed. He sighs to see Logan still there and when he sees that his friend is awake, he sits up and puts a smile on his face. "Hey, Logan."

"Morning." Logan responds despondently. He looks a lot more rested than he's been in a long time but the shadows still darken his eyes. "Kendall and James are downstairs. They said something about making breakfast." He stands up. "Since you're awake, we should probably get going."

Carlos stands up to and before Logan can say anything else, the younger boy hugs his friend tightly to him. He and James practically live at the Knights' home now, only going home to visit. Much to their relief, neither of their families protest this arrangement at all.

Logan squirms uncomfortably in Carlos' grip and Carlos knows he should let go. He doesn't want to trigger a panic attack. But he's finding it hard to let go. He hugs Logan every morning because after a full night of not seeing him, the relief is always so overwhelming and powerful. Carlos wonders if he's losing some of his own sanity because every day he hugs Logan harder and longer. Finally he lets go and steps back. "Okay," He says, trying to keep his voice steady. "Let's go."

The two of them walk slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen. James and Kendall both greet them with wide smiles and then nod to the table that's already set for the four of them. "We made pancakes!" James says cheerfully. He nods to the breakfast food that's already been cut up so that the knives could be hidden from view.

"I'm not really hungry." Logan slumps tiredly over in his chair and props himself up with his elbows.

"You didn't have any nightmares last night did you?" Kendall asks suddenly. "I didn't-"

"It's fine. I'm fine." Logan waves his concern away. "I'm just tired and not very hungry."

James is frowning. "Logan, you need to eat something." He pushes gently, carefully. He eyes Logan's thin frame that is still too bony even after all this time.

Logan cringes away from James' stare. _These are my friends_. He tells himself, fighting down a wave of panic that's surprised him out of nowhere. _They're not going to hurt me._ But he hates the way they're all staring at him so intently. It reminds him of the sightless eyes in the basement, always, always staring at him. "Please."

Kendall reaches out to touch Logan on the shoulder, snatching his hand away when Logan flinches. "Logan?" He whispers.

Logan tries to focus on Kendall's voice but his thinking has become blurred and fuzzy and it's hard to concentrate. He wants to tell them to stop staring at him because it's freaking him out even though they mean him no harm. But he can't speak.

"Logan, can you hear me?" Kendall pleads. But he's recognizing something he hoped he would never see again. His mind races as he tries to think of what is triggering the attack so they can get rid of it. But it's suddenly hard to think because Logan has slid off of his chair and onto the floor, crying.

"Please stop." He whispers. But then they crowd around him and he shrinks away. He's trying to tell himself that the people in front of him are Kendall and James and Carlos, three people who _care _about him. It's not working. Their faces have become blurred and distorted, whether from tears or something else, Logan isn't sure. Their voices sound different too. They don't sound like his best friends. Deep down he knows that they're just trying to help but they're only scaring him as they move closer and closer.

"Logan!" James feels like he's trying to get the attention of someone who is far away even though Logan is a few feet away from him. "Come on, buddy. Look at me."

But by now, Logan is far away from them. He pulls his legs tightly to his chest and then wraps his arms around his legs and lays his head down on his knees, trying to hide from the world. "Stop." He begs.

Carlos can't stand it any longer. He closes the remaining distance between himself and Logan and starts to put his arms around his friend. Logan tries to move away but his back hits against the chair and he can't move. "Logie, it's okay. I've got you."

The arms around him terrify Logan. They don't loosen their hold even a little bit when he tries to shake himself free. It's a tight, endless embrace and the only other thing he knows is that he wants it to stop. He remembers the strong arms that started out gentle in the beginning but only turned out to be a tease. He remembers the way the false gentleness faded away and how he came out of the experience with new bruises. He remembers the large, rough hands roaming around his body, exploring and touching him. That's not happening now but Logan is too far gone to know that.

"Just relax, Logan." Carlos tells him as Logan's body only shakes harder.

_Just relax. _Carlos' comforting voice is replaced by the other voice, the one that haunts Logan every single night. _Just relax. I just want to play with my favorite toy. It'll all be over soon._ "Let me go." He pleads tearfully.

"I can't let go!" Carlos breaks then and he begins to cry too. "I have to put you back together!" It happened again. Logan has fallen apart right in front of them. They can't help him and that's the worst part.

"What?"

Carlos' tears dry instantly when he hears Logan's faint question. Then he nearly slaps himself when he remembers what they've all forgotten. He remembers the advice the doctors gave them in case Logan suffered another panic attack. Hoping it's not too late, Carlos tries.

"Logie, listen to me. Today is July 15th, 2011. You're in the kitchen at your home. I'm Carlos, you're best friend. James and Kendall are right here too." Replacing Logan's hallucinations with basic reality. It seemed like a pointless concept at the time but now Carlos is willing to try anything. "You're _home, _Logan"

"C-Carlos?" The arms around Logan feel different. The gentleness is real, genuine. He still can't look up though, afraid that he's dreaming and he'll wake up for the nightmare to begin all over again.

"I'm right here." Carlos hold his breath, hardly daring to hope that Logan is coming back to them. "You're _home._" He says again because the word seems to have a positive effect.

"Home." Logan repeats. Slowly, he looks up, bracing himself for the pain that's sure to come when he wakes up. But he doesn't wake up. Or maybe he's already awake and the scene in front of him is real after all. It seems too good to be true.

"Yes, _home._" Kendall finally finds his voice. He tries again to put a hand on Logan's shoulder and sighs in relief when Logan doesn't pull away but leans into the touch. "Logan,"

"It h-happened again, didn't it?" Logan whispers, watching them all nod. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." James hesitantly slides closer. We're sorry. We didn't know. . ." His voice trails off into a whisper.

Logan sighs and rests his head on James' shoulder. "It was all the staring I think." He tells them, reluctant for them to know that their concern is what had him so upset. "I stopped seeing your faces and hearing your voices. I saw and heard other things."

"Oh, Logan." Kendall whispers, completely horrified. "We're so sorry."

"You didn't do it on purpose." Logan says weakly.

Kendall nods. "I know. . . but still. Can. . . do you need anything?"

"I'm tired." Logan answers, suddenly feeling drained. He starts to rise to his feet only to have three pairs of hands help him up. Immediately, his shaking legs refuse to hold him and he sinks back into his chair. At least it's better than the floor.

"Do you want to sleep?"

Logan shakes his head to answer Kendall's question. "I don't think I will." He says. "I just want to lay down for a little while."

"How about the couch?" Kendall suggests then. When Logan nods he asks another question. "Do you want help?" He's terrified of crossing an invisible barrier and scaring Logan again.

But Logan nods and lets Kendall pick him up and carry him into the living room. His pale cheeks burn with a tinge of color but he's really too exhausted to care very much. "Thanks," He mutters sheepishly when Kendall sets him with the utmost care on the couch.

"Sure thing, Logie." Kendall can barely think straight right now because he's just so relieved that Logan is responding so well to them. Maybe they can do this after all. "Just relax now. We're right here."

* * *

Logan doesn't remember falling asleep but he does because suddenly he's waking up. He's stretched out on the couch and the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is the back of Kendall's head because his friend is sitting on the floor right in front of him.

Kendall seems to have developed a sixth sense because he turns around. "Hey, there." He says softly, green eyes full of nothing but intense concern. "How are you feeling?"

Logan frowns as he tries to remember how many times he's heard that lately. "Better." He responds, adding a smile to make Kendall feel better. "Thanks. Where are James and Carlos?"

A worried frown crosses Kendall's face. "Their families wanted them home tonight." He says carefully. "Do you-"

"No." Logan interrupts. "I'm glad they're spending some time with their families." He frowns then. "I feel bad that I'm taking up so much of everyone's time."

"Trust me," Kendall tells him. "It's worth it for all of us. You're worth it, Logan."

Logan nods slowly. "Thank you." He says again. He sits up and pats the empty spot on the couch for Kendall to join him. "So," He looks around the room. There are no books or magazines near Kendall and the television isn't even on. "How long have I been sleeping and what have you been doing?"

Kendall pulls his phone out of his pocket and textes as Logan talks. "I'm just letting the guys know that you're awake and okay." He explains. When he finishes, he sets his phone aside and wraps an arm around Logan. "You've been out for three hours. I called and canceled both of your appointments. Dr. Williams and your therapist both said it was probably a good idea for you to just rest today. After that," He shrugs. "I just sat here and waited for you to wake up."

"Weren't you bored?" Logan tries to imagine Kendall Knight sitting still and doing nothing for a full three hours but it's something he could never picture in his mind.

Despite Logan's misgivings, Kendall shakes his head. "Not really. Just worried about you. I was texting Jo for about ten minutes but she had to go."

"Ah." Logan says in acknowledgment. "Do you want to do something now? Maybe Katie and um, Mom, want to play a board game or something. Like a. . . family night or day or whatever."

Kendall's grin is huge when Logan mentions 'family'. "Sounds like a great idea." He says. "Be right back."

But Logan gets up and follows him anyway as they find first Mrs. Knight who leaves her bills and paperwork right away and then Katie who turns off her music and leaves her room to join.

"Let's play _Scrabble_." Katie suggests, already retrieving the box from its place on the bottom of the book shelf. She smiles when Kendall gives her a thumbs up. _Scrabble _is Logan's favorite game. She takes it upon herself to set up the board and then distribute the pieces to each player. "Youngest to oldest?" She asks, as everyone nods.

The game is played mostly in silence but it's peaceful and not awkward at all. It turns out to be a genius distraction for Logan who immediately takes the lead and never relinquishes it. Mrs. Knight, Kendall and Katie quickly settle for fighting for second place which is just fine with them.

Kendall shoots a quick glance at Logan to see how he's doing. At the moment, he's staring at his letters and the game board while Katie takes her turn. Kendall watches the tiny frown of concentration appear on Logan's face and can't help but smile. Logan is totally absorbed in what's happening without a single thought of James or Carlos or Camille or what happened earlier. Kendall wishes the moment could last forever.

But all too soon the game ends with Logan of course claiming victory and Katie coming in a distant second while Kendall and his mother argue that they let the other win. They never really decide who came in third and fourth and it's quiet for a few seconds until Logan shyly suggests watching a movie.

"Have any preferences?" Mrs. Knight asks as they clean up the game and move from the kitchen table to the family room.

Tired, because it seems like he never has very much strength, Logan sits on the couch and thinks. "Not really." He finally says in a quiet voice. "Katie?" He reaches over and messes with her hair. "What do you think, little sis?"

Katie blushes with pleasure at the nickname and curls up against Logan on one side. "Um, can I pick any movie?" She ventures, already trying to think of a perfectly harmless movie that won't scare Logan into another attack. She hated the first one and is incredibly relieved that she wasn't there to witness the second. She can only hope that a third one doesn't happen.

Kendall quickly claims the spot on Logan's other side. "Careful, Logie." He warns. "She might have us watching a chick flick."

Logan simply shrugs. "Whatever is fine with me." He promises Katie. "Go ahead and pick one."

Katie forces a smile but she's coming empty in her mental search for a harmless movie. Even Disney movies can be frightening with all the villains. "Um. . ." _Toy Story _is a passing thought before she remembers with horror, Sid, the kid who tortures his toys. Yeah. Logan wouldn't mind that at all. "I don't know."

"Don't you guys have old family videos?" Logan asks suddenly. "Can we. . . watch them maybe?" His face turns a little red at how bold he's suddenly being but he's curious to watch something from his best friend's past life.

Mrs. Knight smiles broadly. She isn't about to protest since home videos and pictures are two of her favorite things. "We have plenty." She says as she begins to dig through a box of old VHS tapes and then picks out a DVD. "Here. I think you'll like this one." She joins her family on the couch, sitting next to Katie, but draping an arm over her daughter's shoulder so be close to Logan as well. When she feels Logan take her hand, her eyes fill with tears. However broken they are, her family is complete once again.

At first Logan is confused. He expected to see Kendall as a toddler or maybe the four of them when they were really little and had just met. But the video is far more recent than he thought it would be. It's from only three, almost four years ago. _He's _there and not just as a friend. He's there because he's legitimately part of the Knight family. His last name is still Mitchell because he decided to keep it when he was adopted but the video. . .

Suddenly, Kendall and Katie aren't there anymore but Logan doesn't panic because he's being held in his mother's arms. He's crying and she's crying and somewhere in another room where they've disappeared to give the others some privacy, Kendall and Katie are probably crying. "Thank you." He whispers tearfully. "I. . . I didn't even realize and it means so much."

"Logan," Mrs. Knight brushes his tears away while her own continue to fall. "Sweetheart, you're my son just as much as Kendall is. You always have been. I'm so grateful that you wanted to become a part of our family."

"Of course I wanted to." Logan sniffed. "It was either you or the Diamonds or the Garcias. But you. . . it just seemed right. I still miss my parents but you're my mother now and you're just as amazing as my birth mother was."

Mrs. Knight draws him into another hug and holds him close. "I love you, Logan." She says, running her fingers through his hair in the way that he finds comforting. "I wish with all my heart that we never lost you and that you never had to go through what you did. But I am so grateful that we got you back. You're so brave for holding on like you did."

"I don't feel brave." Logan admits. "I don't feel brave at all. I'm scared of everything and everyone and-" He cuts himself off as he struggles to hold back more tears. "I keep scaring everyone and I'm scaring myself. I don't know what's happening to me. I don't want to be like this forever."

"You won't." She says firmly. "You're strong, Logan. Much stronger than you know. You'll get through this and you won't be alone. I promise."

Logan is grateful for her kind words but still reluctant to believe her. "Do you really think I'll be okay? Will I be okay enough to. . . marry Camille and have a family with her?"

Kendall and Katie have wandered back in and rejoin their mother and brother on the couch. They sit quietly and wait for their mother to answer since Logan asked her.

"Yes, Logan. You and Camille will be happy and have a beautiful family together. You deserve all the happiness in the world." She looks at his troubled brown eyes and wishes that she could take away the pain and the fear that's constantly clouding them.

Finally Logan nods and smiles a little bit. "Okay," He says. "I believe you."

"Good." Kendall smiles to see Logan finally relaxing. "Because she is your mother after all. Moms know everything just like little sisters can be awesome and annoying all at the same time." He grins when Katie rolls her eyes at him.

"_And_," Logan adds as he leans against Kendall. "Just like big brothers are heroes to their younger brothers."

The words mean absolutely everything to Kendall but there's no way he can speak. Instead he simply draws Logan closer to him as they go back to watching the clips of birthdays, Thanksgivings, and Christmases with Logan a part of his family. Kendall smiles as he watches the two of them as fourteen-year-olds open a brand new pair of hockey skates each and immediately begin begging to go try them out on the frozen pond. He can't wait for Christmas this year. He feels Logan lean heavily on him and looks to see that he's fallen asleep again.

Actually, as far as he's concerned, Christmas came in June this year.

* * *

The next morning starts out optimistically enough. It's warm and sunny and Logan wakes up from his second nightmare-less night in a row. He talks on the phone with Camille for a half an hour before they both have to go. When he hangs up after promising to call her later, he only feels a slight twinge of sorrow. Maybe he really is getting better.

Even when Kendall reminds him that they have to go to therapy because he skipped it the day before, Logan is okay. He's a little disappointed when James and Carlos say they can't come but they'll see each other later. Kendall is with him. That makes everything else okay.

But then things take a dramatic, horrible turn for the worst. Logan doesn't really know how it happens but the instant he steps out of Kendall's car, he's surrounded by _strangers_.

"Logan Mitchell!" Someone shouts close to his ear. "What was it like to be trapped in a psycho's basement for fifteen months?"

"Logan, over here! What was it like to be rescued by the father of one of your best friends?"

"K-Kendall," Logan can barely stammer out his friend's name as he finds himself backed against the car door. "Help me. M-make them stop." He can barely breathe because he's completely terrified and the strangers are pressing closer and closer to him in a suffocating way.

Horrified. Kendall jumps out of the car and runs over to the scene. He has no idea where they all came from. There's at least a dozen news reporters and they're surrounding Logan like the predator surrounds its prey. They're all shouting at him and flashing bright camera lights in front of him. Kendall is frantic as he tries to squeeze in between them to get to his friend. "Stop it!" He yells. "Leave him alone!" But his voice is a mere whisper amidst the din. He can still here Logan though and he wonders if he's the only one because the terrified calls are heartbreaking to hear.

"N-no. L-leave me alone. S-stop it." Logan pleads with the strangers. He tries to shied his face with his arms but one of the reporters actually has the nerve to reach over and grab his arm, pulling it away so he can get a picture. The contact is where Logan breaks and everything goes black.

Kendall still can't see but suddenly everything goes horribly silent. It's like someone flipped a switch. He only barely realizes this when the crowd of reporters parts like the Red Sea. He takes a step forward, sees Logan, and nearly passes out from the sheer terror of the sight that greets him.

Logan is laying unconscious on the pavement, his face pale and sweaty from fear. His breathing, which is the only sign of life, is harsh and ragged. Kendall falls to his knees and when he takes Logan's hand in his to find it cold and clammy and like death, he falls apart.

"Logan. Logan, no. No, no, no, no! Logan!" Tears blur his eyesight and stream down his face. "Logan, don't do this. Buddy, we just got you back. I can't lose you again. Come on, Logan. Wake up! You have to wake up."

Kendall turns around to tell someone to call for an ambulance only to discover that the press vultures are fleeing the scene. He's alone with Logan. _Calm down! _His inner voice screams. He tries because panicking is not going to help Logan. _Call 911 yourself._

Still holding Logan's hand, Kendall uses his free hand to pull out his cell phone and hastily dials the awful number. He blubbers out a panicked message, heedless to the operator's repeated attempts to calm him down. Then he throws the phone away and pulls Logan into his lap and cries like a baby.

"I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't see them. I should have been looking out for you better. I'm sorry. I promise it'll never happen again. Just please please please wake up, Logan. Please. I need you, Logan."

The Minnesota summer suddenly seems cold and bitter and Kendall pulls Logan closer to him, nearly crying more when he hears the sirens. "It's okay, Logan. You're going to be okay. Help is coming." But he doesn't know if he's trying to reassure the still unconscious Logan or himself.

James and Carlos are the first to show up and can barely extract any information from Kendall who is extremely distraught. "It's my fault." He's started crying again as soon as his best friends ran up to him but this time he's trapped between them in a hug. There's comfort this time. He's just not sure he deserves it. "I should have been watching for them better."

The other two open their mouths to argue but at the sight of a worried looking Dr. Williams coming toward them makes them forget everything except Logan. "Logan." It's all they can say.

"Kendall, is your mother here?"

Kendall's anxiety deepens. "She's on her way but she won't be here for another twenty minutes at least. Traffic is bad." He doesn't bother to question how James and Carlos arrived so quickly. It's obviously that they broke a few speed records but it doesn't matter. "Is he alive?" As soon as the words leave him, Kendall claps a hand over his mouth. He did _not _mean to say that. "I mean, is he okay? He's okay isn't he?"

Doctor Williams hesitates as if he doesn't want to tell the three boys something. "He's alive." He says quietly.

"W-what's that supposed to mean?" James demands.

The doctor sighs and sits down. "Logan suffered a great shock today." He says. "It. . . it may have been too much for fragile mental state to handle." When the boys are speechless with fear, he goes on. "Boys, he's not. . . he's conscious but he's not responsive at all. He's in a catatonic stupor. Now, he may come out of it all right. But you need to be prepared."

Kendall feels lightheaded. "For what?" He asks faintly.

"When your mother gets here I'm going to give her some numbers for. . . institutions."

"No!" Carlos is shaking his head. "Logan isn't crazy. He's going to be okay! He has to be. He just. . ." He stands up. "He needs to see us. We're his best friends."

The doctor doesn't argue. "Okay. But be careful." He leads them away and to Logan.

They walk in slowly, not sure what to expect. Kendall is immensely relieved to see Logan awake but the relief lasts only a few seconds. "Logan?" He calls tentatively.

Logan doesn't even blink. He doesn't acknowledge their presence at all. He stares blankly at the wall in front of him like a zombie.

"Logie?" Carlos pleads next. "Can you hear me? I'm here with Kendall and James." He swallows when Logan doesn't turn his head to look at them. "Logan, can you talk to us please?"

"Where is he?" James asks as he sinks into the nearest chair.

Kendall and Carlos can't answer him. Kendall can think of only one thing. "I'll be right back." He says right when the door opens and his mother and Katie rush in.

"Where-" Carlos starts to ask.

"I need to make a phone call." Kendall walks backwards, keeping his eyes on Logan, expecting to see any kind of reaction. It doesn't come and he ducks out into the hallway and quickly dials a familiar number.

"Kendall, what's wrong?" Camille's voice on the other line interrupts the first ring and sounds panicked.

"Camille," Kendall breaks inside. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

"Kendall, what happened? Where's Logan?" Camille is practically yelling but not _at _Kendall. She's yelling to get his attention because Kendall is a complete mess.

"I should have called you sooner." Kendall realizes this as soon as he says it. "Logan has been getting worse and worse ever since you left. He's been having nightmares almost every single night except for the past two nights but that's not important right now. Camille, Logan needs you. He needs you now."

A door bangs loudly and then Camille talks again. "I'm in my apartment with Jo right now." She explains. "Jo's looking for tickets to Minnesota. Kendall, please talk to me. What happened?"

"I. . . I can't tell you everything right now." Kendall says shakily. "It's too much. But Camille, he had a really bad panic attack today and he passed out and we're at the hospital now. Camille, he's. . . he's not better. The doctor said he's catatonic or something like that. He's just sitting in his hospital bed, staring. He won't talk to us at all. I don't think he even knows we're there. The doctor wants to talk to my mom about putting him in an institution."

"No," Camille's voice breaks but she stays strong. "That's not going to happen to Logan. Kendall, don't let them do anything to him, okay? I'm headed to the airport now. Jo found a ticket for me. I'll be there tonight okay? Don't leave him. Any of you. I'll get a taxi or something. Just. . . just stay there. Take care of him."

"I will." Kendall promises in a whisper. But as they hang up he can't help but feel as though he's failed in his job of protecting Logan and it's too late. He can only hope that Camille will provide them with a second chance at keeping Logan.

**A/N. Reviews make me feel better. **


	8. Safe for Now

**A/N. Well now I know that all I need to do to get reviews is make Logan have a panic attack! Oh wow, that was a terrible thing to say. I'm sorry. Um, here is C8. I don't own anything lol.**

"_All that I'm after is a life full of laughter as long as I'm laughing with you. I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life we've been through 'cause I know there's no life after you." 'Life After You' by Daughtry._

Camille glances at her ticket one last time and then turns to hug her best friend. She's having trouble holding back tears as she listens to Jo's comforting words.

"He'll be okay. Logan's strong and so are you."

"I'm scared." Camille feels Jo's embrace tighten and she lets some of her tears fall. "Kendall. . . he sounded so bad on the phone."

At the mention of her own boyfriend, Jo has to work to hold herself together for Camille. She was only able to find one plane ticket from LA to Minnesota that left that same day. She wants to be there too but she can't. Not yet anyway. "Camille, it's going to be okay." She says, wishing that she knew she was speaking the truth. "Hang in there. You'll be back with Logan tonight."

"Thank you." Camille says, drawing away. "For everything." She sighs and hurriedly wipes her tears away. "I'll call you when I can, okay? You're going to call Kendall and let him know when my flight takes off, right?" At Jo's nod, she manages a small smile. Then, hearing her flight number being called, she shoulders her carry-on bag and hurries off toward the gates.

Once inside the plane she can do nothing but wait. She's relieved that the weather is perfectly clear otherwise she really would be going crazy. She sighs and stares out the window, paying no attention to the passengers nearby or the in-flight movie. All she can think of is Logan.

_Camille hurries across the lobby and over to the elevator with Jo close behind her. She jams the button a few times and when it takes too long, she turns around and runs toward the stairs, ignoring Mr. Bitters as he reminds them of the Palm Woods rule of no running._

_The two girls don't say a word to each other as they run up the stairs to the second floor. They reach Apartment 2J, breathless and scared. The police are at the hotel and there is a rumor going around that something had happened to the boys of Big Time Rush. Camille swallows her fear and knocks at the door._

_She's barely knocked when the door is flung open and Carlos appears, looking hopeful. When he sees Jo and Camille, disappointment clouds his usually bright and happy features. "Hi," He whispers._

"_Carlos?" Kendall and James appear then, followed by Mrs. Knight, Katie and a couple police officers. Their reactions to seeing the girls is the same as Carlos': Crushing disappointment._

_Camille can only stare at each face. It's some time before she can collect all of her scattered thoughts and realize who is missing. "Where's Logan?" She asks in a shaky voice._

_The question seems to undo everyone and Carlos starts to cry. Kendall wraps an arm around his shoulders and looks at Jo and Camille. "Come in." He says in a choked voice. Then he nods to the police officers. "This is my girlfriend, Jo Taylor, and. . . and Logan's girlfriend, Camille Sanders."_

_Jo follows instantly but Camille can't move. She feels James take her hand and lead her into the apartment and then he sits her down on the couch. "James," She turns to him since he's the only one who seems to be still aware of her presence. The others are in a dazed state of shock. "Where-" She has to cut herself off and take a deep breath. The panic is making is hard for her to breathe._

_James takes the opportunity to speak. "We don't know." He whispers. "We. . . we woke up and he was gone."_

_Gone. Already a numbness has started to steal over Camille as she tries to process the news. Somehow she knows that the word means a whole lot more than Logan just going somewhere without telling anyone. But she still has to ask. "What do you mean gone?"_

"_Just that." James shakes his head and she can see him withdrawing like everyone else. "He's gone. His. . . his window was broken."_

_Camille feels dizzy and leans against James for support. But his normally strong frame shudders with a sob and she has no one to lean on. "Why?" She looks at the police chief for an answer even though in her heart, she already knows the horrible answer._

_The police chief seems reluctant to tell her. He's already torn down so many hopes today. "We believe someone took him." He says eventually._

_Took him. Camille literally feels her heart break then. "You mean kidnapped him." Already her voice is dull with disbelief and at the same time, grief. She doesn't know why she feels the need to confirm everything but she can't help herself. She's still clinging to one last shred of hope that she's either dreaming or that someone is pulling a sick joke on all of them._

_But then the chief nods. "Yes." He says, shattering that last bit of hope into a million tiny pieces._

She should have never left him. That's the dominant thought in Camille's mind as the plane flies through the darkening night sky. She should have stayed with him. Forever. She should have found an apartment in Minnesota and stayed there until. . .

Camille glances down at the ring on her finger. She twists it with her other hand, twirling it carefully around so that she can see the initials. CS and LM. She traces the LM with a fingertip until tears blur her eyesight to much for her to see. Then she simply brings the ring to her lips and kisses it.

"_Now you'll always have a part of me even when we're apart."_

Logan's words replay themselves in her mind and it's all Camille can do to keep from falling apart in the plane. She should have never left him. She may have a part of him with her right now but how much of him will be left when she finally gets to Minnesota?

What seems like days is only hours when the plane finally lands. Camille rushes over the the baggage claim area, finds her luggage and then hastily convinces a taxi cab driver to take it the the hotel where she's already reserved a room. Then she finds another taxi and gives him the address to the hospital.

"That's almost an hour's drive." The man tells her. "It's gonna cost you."

Camille restrains herself from slapping him and shoves a fistful of twenty dollar bills into his hand. "That should be enough thanks very much." It's more than enough and both of them know it. But she doesn't care. She just has to get to Logan.

Finally, she's there and she flings a thanks over her shoulder as she climbs out of the taxi. It's much cooler here in Minnesota than it was in LA, even though it's summer. She shivers slightly in her tank top and shorts but continues on her mad dash into the hospital.

Instantly, her searching eyes find James. The tall boy is pacing around in the waiting room. As she nears him, he pulls out his cell phone and starts to dial. "Where is he?" She demands.

James nearly drops his phone. "Camille, I was just about to call and see if you were almost here." Before she can ask why, he's holding her in a tight embrace, crying.

A small part of Camille wants to comfort one of Logan's best friends and but she's too scared herself. "James? Did something happen?"

James eases her fears a bit when he shakes his head. "No." He says drawing away. "He's. . . he's still the same."

Still the same. Camille's heart thuds painfully in her chest. It's been hours and there's been no change. "I want to see him." She says, her eyes beginning to burn once again with tears. She sees James nod and feels him take her hand. She can barely see where they're going as she stumbles clumsily along but then she's in a room.

Kendall and Carlos and Mrs. Knight and Katie are all there. They all greet her, while keeping their worried eyes on Logan. Camille simply acknowledges them with a nod and then turns to the bed. "Logan?" She whispers. "Can you hear me? It's Camille?" She swallows when there's no answer. "I came back."

Logan is awake and sitting up in his bed. He's breathing normally. At first glance he seems perfectly fine. But the illusion last only for an instant. His beautiful brown eyes are clouded over in a haze as he stares without blinking at the wall directly in front of him. The sound of her voice has absolutely no effect on him at all. She can't even tell if he heard her. He's alive but at the same time he's completely lifeless.

"Logan, please." Camille's voice breaks and she reaches out and takes Logan's hand in her's. "Talk to me. Look at me. Anything."

Her pleas fall on deaf ears. Logan doesn't even react to the contact. He continues to stare at the wall, locked, trapped in some other world far away.

In a desperate attempt to get any sort of reaction out of him, Camille leans forward and kisses Logan. Nothing. She lets herself cry then. "Logan, please." She begs as she holds his hand close to her face and lets the tears fall. "Come back, Logan."

* * *

In time, Logan falls asleep. It gave them hope at first when he moved for the first time in hours. But he only laid down and closed his eyes and that was all. Camille lays down next to him and laces their fingers together, holding tightly to his hand. Her tears have run dry but she continues to cry strange, tearless sobs until she too, drifts off into an uneasy slumber.

When Camille wakes up she has no idea what time it is. She lays her hand over Logan's chest and sighs in relief at the feel of his heart beating steadily against her palm. Then she feels Logan stir and she lifts her gaze up just slightly to see him open his eyes.

He blinks in sleepy confusion but there's an expression on his face and it gives her hope. Then he sees her and a number of emotions cross his face. Recognition. Joy. Love. Hope. Confusion. Disbelief. "Camille," He whispers her name and in the dark of the room, the sound is a beautiful light.

Camille hears the others around them gasp at the sound of Logan's voice and they all lean forward as she sits up just slightly. "Logan," She breathes. "Can you hear me, Logan?"

Logan doesn't answer her right away. He stares into her eyes, the dead expression gone as if it never existed. Then he _smiles_ and every trace of doubt is gone from the room. "You came back."

For an instant, her sight of him is blurred but Camille blinks back the tears of relief and joy. She tilts her head and their lips meet for a second in a gentle kiss. Then she reaches up and brushes the lone tear that's tracking its way down Logan's face. "So did you."

"Logie,"

Carlos' voice comes from behind Camille and she reluctantly moves from the bed so the others can see him too. Then she observes a sweet reunion.

"What happened?" Logan sounds tired but he sits up to greet his worried friends and family. Carlos' hug is tentative at first but when he doesn't protest, it tightens just slightly.

"Logan, we were so worried." Carlos tries to explain but he has too many emotions flooding through him to speak in a way that Logan will understand. "You. . . we. . ."

"It was my fault." Kendall whispers as he watches Logan with haunted green eyes. "I should have been protecting you better. I should have been watching for the reporters. But they were all around you and I couldn't get through them. And then something happened and you fainted and they left. After you woke up we couldn't get you to respond at all. You just stared at the wall for hours, even when Camille first got here. Doctor Williams said you were. . . catatonic."

Logan grimaces at the familiar word but when everyone else but Kendall has hugged him, he frowns for a different reason. "Kendall, it wasn't your fault." He says softly. "You can't protect me from everything. You should know that. But you have done everything you can."

Kendall nears the bed but still doesn't hug Logan. "I'm supposed to be your hero." He whispers so that only Logan can hear. "I didn't save you earlier today."

"That's because you're not a super hero." Logan tells him. He reaches up and tugs on of Kendall's arms, pulling him down until he's sitting on the edge of the bed. "You're my hero, Kendall but you're not a super hero. You know why? Because you're _real_."

Finally, Kendall wraps his arms around Logan and holds him close. Tears redden his eyes and wet his face, making him look like a mess but he doesn't care. All he cares about is the fact that he thinks they got their second chance and now maybe they can do better. "Thanks, Logan." He's thanking Logan for so much. For being alive. For reassuring him. For coming back.

"You called Camille." Logan says softly as they pull apart.

Kendall nods and then stands up, nodding to Camille who eagerly takes his place. "I had to." He whispers.

Logan looks back at Camille. "Thank you," He says. "For coming back."

Camille leans forward and they kiss again, this time a little bit longer. "I'm never leaving you again." She promises.

Logan's face lights up for a second but then he shakes his head. "Camille, I can't ask you to quit your acting and live in Minnesota with me. There's no opportunities here."

"That doesn't matter." Camille tells him firmly. "You're much more important to me. To all of us. Nothing else even matters. I have a hotel room and as soon as I find an apartment I'll look for a job." She shakes her head when he opens his mouth to protest again. "My place is wherever you are."

"I love you." Logan says then, looking eternally grateful.

It's all she needs to hear. Camille smiles and kisses him again. "I love you too." She whispers. "I always have and I always will." She holds his hand and lifts them so that he can see the ring. "I promise."

* * *

Dr. Williams sends Logan home the next day because there's really nothing he can do and home is the best place for him anyway. Mrs. Knight has refused to listen to any talk about institutionalizing him much to everyone's relief. He's exhausted though and the instant they get home he heads up to his room for sleep.

"Camille, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Camille watches as James and Kendall and Carlos head upstairs to watch over Logan and then nods. "Yeah, sure." She sits down at the kitchen table with Mrs. Knight and Katie and then waits.

"I'm assuming you didn't find a place to stay." Mrs. Knight begins. "Frankly, I don't like the idea of a young woman your age staying alone at a hotel."

Camille shrugs. "Neither do my parents." She admits. "But I can't go back to LA. Not after what happened to Logan. Minnesota is my home now."

Mrs. Knight nods. "I understand, Camille and I'm so grateful that Logan has someone like you. Which is why I want you to stay with us until you find a good apartment."

"Really?" Camille stares at her in disbelief.

"Absolutely." Mrs. Knight nods firmly. "I want you to be as safe as possible. You can stay with Katie in her room if that's okay."

"Of course." Camille stands up and throws her arms around Logan's adoptive mother. "I don't know how to thank you." She whispers tearfully. "This means so much to me."

"Camille," Mrs. Knight says gently. "It's the least we can do. You're bringing Logan back to life in a way that no one else can."

Camille shakes her head, refusing to take all the credit. "It's not just me." She insists.

Mrs. Knight smiles. "I know. But he has love from friends and family. He needs a romantic love and only you can give him that. He's completely in love with you, Camille and I can tell you feel the same way. That's something else for him to live for."

Katie hops up from her chair. "And you can stay in my room and be my big sister. I've always wanted a big sister." For just an instant, she's a little girl again as she smiles shyly at Camille.

Camille hugs her tightly. "And I've always wanted a little sister." She says with a real smile. "Since Logan is sleeping do you want to go get my stuff with me?"

"Sure!" Katie's face brightens at the thought of already hanging out with her "big sister" and the two girls say goodbye to Mrs. Knight and are quickly on their way.

Upstairs, Kendall and James and Carlos are watching Logan like hawks. He fell asleep almost instantly and he looks more peaceful than they've seen him in a long time. Still, they can't shake the terror of his last panic attack from their minds.

"What if it happens again?" James whispers. "What if he doesn't come back the next time? Do. . . do you guys think he's getting worse?"

Kendall can only shrug. "Honestly? I don't know. Only part of me thinks that he is getting worse but I think that the rest of me might be in denial." He rakes a hand roughly though his blonde hair. "I just can't believe this is happening to Logan. He didn't deserve any of this crap."

Carlos watches Logan solemnly. He wants to wake his friend up just to make sure that he's really back. "I'm scared." He says before he can stop himself. Then he cringes, hating himself for being weak.

But James and Kendall both put an arm around their younger friend to comfort him. "It's okay to be scared, Carlitos." Kendall says gently. "I know I'm terrified."

"We're scared because we care about Logan." James reminds him then. "We're his best friends." He sighs and looks back at Logan who hasn't stirred once. "We won't let him go." He promises softly.

Carlos buries his head in his hands. "What if he keeps getting worse and we can't do anything for him? What if he has to go. . . away?"

Kendall shakes his head firmly at this idea. "No way. Carlos, there's no way we're letting him get that bad."

"Don't say that." A tear slides down Carlos' cheek and he brushes it roughly away. "It's out of our control, Kendall. Don't you realize that? We can only do so much to help Logan. He's messed up, Kendall. He was with that freak for fifteen months. There's no way he can be normal after that."

"Then we'll get him back to normal." Kendall says. But his false optimism fades when he sees Carlos so upset by the reality.

Carlos is frowning. "You don't know that." He whispers. "You say all this stuff about Logan getting better but you don't know everything. You don't know what's going to happen."

"Guys, stop." James pleads. He shoots a quick glance at Logan who thankfully, is still sound asleep. "Can we not argue? Especially now? Let's just focus on what's happening right now. Right now, Logan is sleeping in his bed in his room in his home and that's what matters."

Kendall opens his mouth to apologize but Carlos beats him to it.

"I'm sorry, Kendall and James. I don't want to be so pessimistic. And like I said, we don't know everything. So that might mean that Logan is going to be okay."

"You're right, Carlos." Kendall nods. "I think we can help Logan better if we're prepared for anything instead of pretending that he's not as bad as he actually is. But James is right too. Let's just take it one day at a time."

**A/N. This was actually a happy-ish chapter lol. I hope it wasn't too rushed. Stick around and there might be a surprise later tonight. Anyone care to guess what it is? Review?**


	9. Free

**A/N. This chapter is an emotional roller coaster. It's also the last chapter that I have complete so the next update might take a while. I don't own anything.**

_"Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you. Let it shine until you feel it all around you. And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to. We'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end." - 'Little Wonders' by Rob Thomas._

Kendall parks the car as close as he can to the building and looks around outside carefully. "I think we're okay." He says cautiously. "Do you want to try?" He glances over to Logan and waits for a response.

Logan is hunched back against his seat with his eyes shut. At the sound of Kendall's voice he opens his eyes and meets the worried gaze of his friend. "I don't know." He whispers in a trembling voice. "What is they're hiding out there?" He realizes how paranoid he sounds but he could easily be right.

"We're all here, Logie." James says from the backseat where he's sitting with Carlos. "No one is going to come near you." He opens his door and gets out, letting Carlos climb out before he shuts the door again.

Kendall gets out and walks around to the passenger side and waits with his other friends. It's not long at all before Logan opens the door and joins them. As he wraps an arm around his friend and James and Carlos hover around them, Kendall can't help but wonder at the faith Logan still has in him after the last incident. He doesn't dwell on this thought though and they walk quickly to the door and into the office building.

It's quiet in the front room and Logan relaxes enough to return the friendly receptionist's greeting before going over to the nearest chair and sitting down. "I should be more used to this." He says to his friends, disgusted that he's still shaking in nervous anticipation.

"You'll be fine, Logan." Kendall comforts him. "We'll be right there with you."

Logan glances at him uncertainly. "Are you guys going to be okay?" He asks quietly. "I know it must be hard to hear everything."

Kendall's face is grim as he nods firmly. "Absolutely, Logan."

Just then Logan's therapist, Justin Maris, a young man in his late twenties, walks out to where the boys are sitting. "Hi, Logan. Boys. Ready?" His smile is gentle, blue eyes full of concern as he looks over his most recent patient.

At Logan's small nod, the other boys stand up with him and they all follow Justin into a back room. Accustomed to the presence of Kendall, James and Carlos, Justin has three extra chairs set up. He sits in his own leather chair while Logan sits stiffly on the couch.

Kendall glances at Justin and instantly wishes he didn't. The therapist is frowning as he watches Logan and studies his tense posture.

"Logan, do you want to lay down?" Justin asks softly. He doesn't want to think of how Logan's most recent panic attack may have sent them back to square one but it's looking more apparent with each passing second. Logan has been seeing him since he got out of the hospital for the first time. At first he was understandably wary of the man he didn't know but Justin was gradually able to build a relationship of trust. Now, he wonders if that might be gone.

Logan shakes his head in answer to Justin's offer. He's not comfortable enough to lay down. He remains sitting in such a stiff position that it's like there's a rod in his back. This way he feels like he might be able to make an escape if he needs to.

"Okay," Justin doesn't push him but his heart sinks. The setback is worse than he originally thought it would be. Logan is a complete mess. The therapist glances from his patient to his three friends that won't look away from him even for a second, almost as if they're afraid he could disappear again. Justin frowns thinking of how they could probably all use their own therapist but they'd most likely refuse to be separated.

That's not his job though so he focuses on Logan. He thinks for a while, trying to come up with a way to get the boy's attention. Then a crooked grin crosses his face. It couldn't hurt. "How are you feeling, Logan?"

Instantly, Justin knows that his idea has worked. Logan snaps his head up and stares at him with wide eyes. "How am I doing?" He repeats incredulously. "How do you think I'm doing?"

"Tell me about it." Justin says patiently., still feigning ignorance.

"Tell you about what exactly?" Logan asks bitterly. "Should I tell you about all of my nightmares that I have almost every single night even if the light is on and my friends are in the same room with me? Should I tell you how I'm exhausted all the time because I don't sleep? What about the way I scare the crap out of everyone with my stupid panic attacks? Or the fact that I'm scared of practically everything and everyone?"

He's literally shaking but when the other boys move to comfort him, Justin stops them with a small shake of his head. Logan needs to finish before they can intervene.

"What about-" Logan's voice cracks and tears fill his eyes but he rushes on. "What about how I feel like a huge inconvenience to everyone because of all my issues? My friends are all tired because I wake them up every night with my nightmares. They don't have a life outside me, which trust me, I don't mind at all. I'm incredibly grateful. But I feel guilty for taking up so much of their time. And of course there's these stupid attacks that I have. I don't remember anything but they remember everything and it. . . it's not fair that they have to deal with so much crap because of me."

"I want to get better but every time I make any progress, something happens and I'm right back where I started and everyone has to adjust to it. My girlfriend dropped everything she had and moved from LA to be with me after my last attack." At last the tears come and roll down Logan's face and his shoulders begin to shake. "I'm just so tired of dealing with everything."

Justin doesn't stop Logan's friends this time and he diplomatically averts his eyes as they surround him. He makes some notes on a pad of paper and then waits for Logan to recover.

"I'm sorry." Logan apologizes, sniffing. "I hate all this crying too. I feel like such a cry baby. I'm almost eighteen and I cry all the time."

"Stop beating yourself up." Justin tells him. He bumps James' shoulder gently with the box of tissues for Logan and continues speaking. "Logan, I'm glad that you're being so open with your emotions."

Logan looks confused. "Why?" He says in a wavering tone. "Why do you want me to cry so much? Why are you glad?"

"Because it means you're healing." Justin tells him. "I'd be more worried if you kept everything locked up inside of you because that's extremely unhealthy."

"Meaning I can do that right?" Logan rolls his eyes in self-disgust. "I still screw everything else up."

Carlos shakes his head. "Logan, don't say that." He begs. "Stop blaming yourself. None of this is your fault."

But Logan's frown deepens when he sees James and Kendall nod in agreement with Carlos. "But isn't that what you're doing? Blaming yourselves for what happened to me?" When they're all silent he keeps going. "See, that's another thing that upsets me. The fact that no matter what I say, you still think you're responsible for. . . for my kidnapping."

"Kendall, I've told you before. You can't keep us safe all the time. You're only human. Carlos, sure our rooms were right next to each other but that doesn't mean you should have heard my window breaking. It was really windy that night and you've always been a sound sleeper. James, I know you blame yourself the most but-"

"Logan, it _was_ my fault." James interrupts. "How can you possibly think otherwise? None of this would have ever happened if I wasn't so obsessed with my stupid and shallow and selfish dream about being a pop star."

"If you're going to be that ridiculous than why don't I blame myself because I _drove _you to the audition." Logan crosses his arms and folds them across his chest.

"It was my idea to have you drive." Kendall reminds him glumly.

Justin frowns now sensing that none of this is helping Logan. He opens his mouth to say something but Logan beats him to it.

"Shut up!" Logan shouts. He stands up and backs away from his friends who all look stunned. "Do you have any idea what it's like for me to hear you blame yourselves like this? I. . . I don't need this, guys, I don't. I need you to stop hating yourselves. Maybe I'm not the only one who needs help. Kendall, you stopped sleeping completely at one point and that's not healthy. Carlos, you don't _laugh_ anymore because you're worried sick about me. James. . . "

As Logan trails off, James self-consciously tugs the short sleeves of his shirt as if make them grow longer and cover his scarred arms.

But instead of finishing, Logan sits back down and puts his head in his hands. His fingers tug at his black hair in frustration. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "See? All I do is mess up."

The sudden changes in his demeanor are classic signs for depression. Fear. Anger. Irrationality. But more than anything, the black cloud of overwhelming sadness that no one can understand unless they experience it for themselves. "Boys, I'm going to have to ask you to leave me alone with Logan for a bit." Justin says quietly.

The unexpected order is enough to wrench Kendall's eyes off of his friend. "What?" He says in disbelief. "You have to be kidding."

"Just go." Logan whispers, his face burning in shame. "Please."

His words do what Justin's couldn't and without another word the three boys get up and leave. Justin doesn't need to have X-Ray vision to know that they're waiting right outside the closed door though. He moved from his chair and lays his hand on Logan's shoulder.

"I hate this." Logan whispers. "I can't do anything right anymore. They've been absolutely everything for me and I just hurt them."

"Logan, I know that they're your best friends but from what I've seen they're hurting you as much as they're helping you. Of course, they're not intentionally hurting you but it's obvious that the fact that they all blame themselves is adding to your stress."

"But they're stressed too!" Logan sighs heavily. "We're all stressed and it's all because of me."

"It's not because of you or anyone else except Gregory Hampton." Justin hesitates when he sees Logan flinch at the name but he doesn't stop completely. "You all need to realize that what happened to you was out of your control and what's happening to you now is out of control a little bit."

"A little bit?" Logan looks up at him. "I feel completely out of control."

Justin shakes his head. "Not at all. You're getting help and you're trying to move on with your life. You're courageous, Logan. It's not easy to move on. It's a lot easier to lock yourself away from the rest of the world and ignore everyone around you."

"I could never shut everyone out." Logan whispers. "I'd be dead without them." Tears hover but he blinks them away. "Can they come back?"

"In a minute." Justin says smoothly. "I want to tell you something first without them here. Because this is up to you and they can't be putting any pressure on you."

Logan nods slowly. "Okay. What is it?" He's ready to promise anything because he's suddenly realized that his friends are on the other side of a closed door and he doesn't like that at all.

"I need you to be more open and honest with everyone. Don't be ashamed of your weaknesses because you still have so many strengths. Focus on those strengths."

"I. . . I don't know what those strengths are anymore though." Logan admits weakly. "I don't know who I am anymore. I'm not the same person."

Justin doesn't look surprised. "Do you really think you could ever go back to the person you were before?"

Logan considers his question for a while. "No. Not really. I just wish that I could. Denial, I guess." He watches Justin nod and sighs. "I'm not sure I like the new me."

"It's not really the new you." Justin runs his fingers through his hair as he thinks of how to explain himself because Logan looks lost. "You've changed forever, Logan. But deep down where everyone who's known you your whole life, you're still the same person. You have different needs, that's all. You just need to accept that. Your friends know most of this but you need to let them know the rest. I've only know you for a few weeks and I can tell that there's a lot on your mind that you're holding back."

"I thought you said that I wasn't holding anything back." Logan frowns at the accusation.

But Justin is as patient as ever. "No one is a perfect therapy patient. Not even you." He stands up and opens the door, raising his eyebrows when James and Kendall and Carlos literally tumble into the room.

A faint smile crosses Logan's face but he still looks troubled. "I'm really sorry." He whispers as he stands up to meet his friends. "I didn't really want you to leave it's just. . ." He shrugs helplessly. "I don't really know anything right now. I'm confused."

Kendall grabs hold of his friend and pulls him into a hug. "It's fine, Logan. We realized while we were waiting out there that what we're doing to ourselves is hurting you too. We're sorry for that. But Logie, we also hate watching you beat yourself up because of everything that's happening. So we decided to make a deal with you. If you try to stop hating yourself for all of. . . this, then we promise to try and stop blaming ourselves."

Logan rests his forehead on Kendall's shoulder and nods. "Okay." He says feeling the burden on his shoulders beginning to lift with the knowledge that his friends might stop blaming themselves. "I'll try. And I promise that I'll be more honest with you guys from now on. So I want to tell you something right now."

James takes Logan's arm and leads him back to the couch. "You can tell us anything." He promises as Carlos nods quickly and Kendall looks worried.

"It's something that's been bothering me for a little while now." Logan sighs and looks down at his hands. "You know how I've always wanted to be a doctor? I. . . I don't think I can do that anymore."

There's a stunned silence as Kendall, James and Carlos can only stare at Logan, completely caught off guard by his confession. Then at last, Carlos breaks the silence. "But Logan, why?" He asks, his voice cracking with emotion. "You've always wanted to be a doctor. Ever since we met you."

"I know." Logan sighs. "It's all I've ever wanted to be. But now. . . guys, I freak out over butter knives. How am I supposed to be okay with sharp medical tools? How would I deal with all the pressure and responsibility? What if I see someone who goes through what I've been through? I'd probably have another horrible panic attack. I can't risk someone's life by being unstable like I am."

Kendall wants to tell Logan that he's totally wrong. But the realistic part of him is agreeing with his best friend. Still, he hates to see Logan so defeated. "Logan, you can't just give up on your dream." He argues gently. "You don't like what things are going to be like years from now."

To his relief Logan doesn't look bothered but simply nods. "I know. Trust me, I haven't. But I'm being more realistic. I need to at least look at other options just in case being a doctor doesn't work out. Because for the first time in my life I don't think it will. Too much happened. I'm not okay with that but I think I will be eventually."

"Well, whatever you do I know you'll be great at it and we'll support you, Logan." James says firmly. Inside it's killing him that Logan's lifelong dream might have been destroyed but he smiles for his friend because he knows it's what Logan needs.

He's rewarded when Logan returns his smile. "I know. Thank you. I can't begin to tell you guys how much that means to me. That's why as awful as things are right now, I'm still okay. I have you guys and that makes all the difference in the world because I know things will get better in time."

"Is there anything else bothering you, Logan?" Justin asks, reluctant to break up the moment of peace.

Predictably, Logan's smile fades and his shoulders slump. "The trial." He whispers before he can stop himself. "I don't. . ." He looks down at his hands, unable to speak around the choking lump of fear in his throat. "I don't want to ever see him again."

Kendall's breath catches and he stares at Logan. Up until now he's never actually thought of the impending trial. It seems ridiculous now because obviously it's been something Logan has thought about constantly. But Kendall had been so overwhelmed just by the fact that Logan was back that he hadn't given it much thought. "Logan," He chokes out in disbelief. "You won't actually have to. . . see him will you? I mean-" He stops talking when Logan nods.

"Yes." Logan confirms the dread. "And it's the last thing I want to do. I don't think I _can_ do it."

That's exactly what Kendall is terrified of. If Logan is scared by mere memories than what will an actual face-to-face meeting with Gregory Hampton do to him? As proud of Logan as Kendall is, Kendall can't imagine that his best friend will be able to handle to experience. He wants to reassure Logan but he can't.

"It's fine too be scared, Logan." Justin tells him. "That's to be expected. But don't worry about how you'll manage it now. The trial is several months from now. You have plenty of time to heal."

"But what if I don't heal?" Logan asks almost irritably. "What if I just get worse? I probably will have a complete mental breakdown and wind up locked in a padded room."

Carlos shakes his head. "Don't say that." He pleads.

"I'm sorry, Carlos." Logan sighs. "I didn't really mean that. . . I don't think. I'm just. . . there's just so much going on that I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. I just wish it would all stop and I could try to be normal again."

Justin glances at the clock on the wall to see that their time is almost up. "Logan, before you go I have a few more questions for you if you don't mind."

Normally, Logan would mind. But he appreciates that Justin never pushes him into talking so he nods. "Okay."

"How are you medications working?"

Logan blinks in surprise. He wasn't expecting that sort of question. Then again, it does make sense. "I don't know." He answers vaguely. "I don't think they're working too well honestly. I mean, I'm still a complete mess."

"What about your depression?"

This time, Logan flinches at the question. He hates talking about his depression around his friends. He knows it upsets them. "It. . . it could be worse. I mean it's actually never really bad unless something happens. Like if I have a panic attack then I feel horrible for scaring everyone and my emotions just kind of snowball from there. But if everything is more. . ." Logan pauses to search for a word. "If everything is calmer I guess then it's not so bad."

"Have you. . ." Now Justin is struggling to find the right words and the boys all tense up. "Have you ever wanted to kill yourself, Logan?"

The question is so honest and blunt that Logan can't answer right away. It makes perfect sense though and he's actually surprised that Justin hasn't asked him before. Then again, maybe he was just letting Logan get comfortable with him before he asked any really personal questions. "Well," He begins cautiously. "When I was still in. . . the basements. . . he used to leave some things down there. Like knives or a rope. I don't know why because I could have done something to him when he came down sometimes. But maybe he knew that I wouldn't because I could never kill someone."

Logan's voice shakes but he keeps talking, careful to avoid looking at his friends in case their faces might make him lose what control he has left. "I think the real reason he left them there was to make me kill myself if I really wanted to. He wouldn't kill me because. . . he had fun with me. But I think he wanted me to go crazy or something. I'm not sure. I. . . I don't think he was completely sane."

"Sometimes. . . sometimes I wanted to die." Logan admits. "I just got so tired of everything. It was so hard to want to keep living when every day he would hurt me. But then I thought about what might happen if I did kill myself and then someone found me. The police would probably just think that I ran away and committed suicide and no one would ever know the truth. I didn't want to hurt anyone like that and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of me giving up. There were times I wanted to die yeah, but I never wanted to kill myself."

James lets out the breath he wasn't even aware he was holding. He can't help but think about all those times that he wanted to die and the only thing that kept him from killing himself was his friends and family. That's how strong their bond is, he realizes. When they were on the verge of giving up they held on for each other.

"You're fortunate to have such a strong friendship." Justin says softly. He reaches into his desk and scribbles something down on a pad of paper before giving the sheet to Logan. "Next time you go to the doctor I want you to give him this. It's a recommendation for a new medication to help you cope better. It's stronger and I know you already hate depending on medication. But at least give it a try."

Logan takes the paper in resignation. "Thanks." He says quietly. "For everything."

Justin smiles then and nods. "I'm just doing my job, Logan. I care about you and I want you to get better and move on."

"I know." Logan says gratefully. "And that really means a lot." He moves to stand up and is immediately helped by his friends. He gives them a small eye roll but doesn't complain. "I guess we'll see you next week then."

The boys say their goodbyes and then they leave the small room and head to the front of the building. After looking around outside to make sure that no reporters were waiting for them, they hurry to the car.

Logan slams to door shut and then leans back with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "I didn't want you to have to hear all that and I didn't want to hurt you like I did."

Kendall shakes his head as he starts the car. "It's okay, Logan. We understand." His hands shake slightly as he tries to push thoughts of Logan being suicidal out of his mind so he can drive them home.

Logan doesn't say anything after that. There is nothing for him to say. Just knowing that his friends truly did understand him is enough. He leans his forehead on the window of the car and watches the world go by as they drive home. It's a relief knowing that when they get back to the house they can all just relax.

But Logan isn't able to relax very long at all. As soon as they round the corner onto their street, they all take notice of the police car cruiser sitting at the curb. Logan bites back a groan and simply sighs in resignation. "I wonder what they want with me now." He remarks quietly.

"Maybe they're here for another reason." Kendall says unconvincingly.

"Yeah well, I'd rather they be here for me. At least then we have an idea of what to expect." Logan returns with a note of anxiety in his voice. He can feel three worried pairs of eyes on him and he takes a deep breath to calm himself. His fingers tremble so badly that Kendall has to reach over and undo his seat belt for him. "Thanks." He mutters.

"It'll be okay, Logan." Carlos says softly. "That's my dad's car."

Logan nods and visibly relaxes once he realizes that he doesn't need to worry about strangers. He climbs out of the car and walks with his friends into the house. Inside, Mrs. Knight, Katie and Camille are sitting with Carlos' father and Luke, both dressed in full police uniform. It's obvious that they're here on official business. They all turn and look at the boys in concern. To ease their worries a little bit, Logan forces a tiny smile and lifts his hand in a wave. "Hi." He says in a tired voice that he can't mask.

Camille stands up crosses the room to where the boys are standing. She hugs Logan tightly and then leads him back to the couch where they sit together. James sits on Logan's other side while Carlos and Kendall stand behind the couch and wait.

"How are you, Logan?" Mr. Garcia asks in concern. All four boys look completely exhausted but while James and Kendall and Carlos have all tensed, Logan seems to have gone limp as he waits for an explanation.

Logan starts to lie and say that he's just fine. But he catches himself and remembers his earlier promise to be more honest. "I've been better." He says as his smile fades.

"Are you up to talking with us for a short while?" Luke asks gently. The detective has been the one to handle all the main details of Logan's case because the chief is too personally involved considering his relationship with Logan. He knows just as much as the older man how vulnerable Logan is and he's determined to take it slow. "It's important but it can also wait if you need to rest."

"No, it's okay." Logan shakes his head. "What is it?"

Garcia knows Logan better and Luke glances at him and waits for a nod before he goes on. "I'm sure you know that the trial was scheduled to take place a few months from today."

"Was?" Logan repeats. He can feel his heart beat a little faster and he takes a deep breath. "What do you mean by that?" What if they tell him that the date has been moved up? He's already doubting that he can handle it months from now. He _knows_ he can't handle it anytime soon.

"The defense attorney went to see. . . his client earlier this afternoon." Luke continues almost as if he never heard Logan but the careful way he avoids saying the name of Logan's tormentor remindsthe others that he cared. "He. . . um. .. he killed himself. He's dead, Logan."

Instantly, Logan stiffens. His eyes grow wide in disbelief as he looks from Mr. Garcia to Luke. "What?" He whispers.

"He hung himself ." Luke adds hoping to make more sense when he is still confused and at a loss for words. "It's a common enough occurrence among prisoners if they get the opportunity. In his case, the situation was perfect. He tied one end of his bed sheets to the piping overhead and-" Luke cuts himself off when he sees how little color is left in Logan's face. "He's gone for good, Logan."

"Gone." Logan repeats still in a whisper. "Are you sure?"

Luke nods, struggling to keep his emotions in check. The professionalism in him dies slowly as he sees the pressing darkness in Logan's eyes begin to lift. He can't find it anywhere in his heart to feel anything for Gregory Hampton. The man. . . the monster tortured Logan in a mind numbing variety of ways and he deserved death and nothing else. "This means-"

"That there can't be a trial." Logan finishes. "Right? I mean, he's. . . dead so how can there be a trial? It's. . . it's over." He says in a daze.

Mr. Garcia nods then and leans over to lay a hand on Logan's shoulder. "It's all over, Logan."

Logan leans forward to and he buries his face in his hands. "Over." He says again. The tears that come then are of a pure and blissful relief. His shoulders shake just slightly and when he feels another hand on his shoulder, he turns into James' embrace.

James wraps both arms around his friend and lets his own tears fall. "Logan," He whispers so quietly that no one can even hear him.

Camille sits on Logan's other side and rubs her hand up and down his back in a soothing manner. "It's okay, Logan." She tells him because even though she knows he's not upset, she still hates to see Logan cry.

"I-I know." Logan stammers as his sobs begin to slow. "I know I'm okay. I know that." He pulls himself away from James and accepts the tissues that Mrs. Knight hands to him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall apart. It's just that. . ." He rolls his eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to ward off any more tears. "It's just that I was so worried about the trial and now I don't even need to think about it. And I don't have to worry about. . . about him escaping from jail and coming back for me."

"You never needed to worry about that, Logie." Kendall whispers softly. "We never would have let him near you ever again."

"I know." Logan says, feeling like he's stuck on repeat. "But still. That was what my nightmares were about more than anything else. But. . . it's all over."

Luke glances over at the chief to see him embracing his son and answers Logan. "Yes." He says, his voice cracking slightly. "It's all over, Logan. You don't need to be afraid anymore."

"Thank you." Logan says gratefully. He stands up and crosses the room, holding out his hand to the two policemen. But then he takes another step forward and throws his arms around his best friend's father, whispering his thanks over and over again.

Mr. Garcia holds onto Logan tightly, thinking of how he held him in his arms back in June for the first time in over a year. It's impossible for him to forget how horrifically thin and breakable Logan felt to him that day. Now it's so much better. There's more of him to hold. He's grown stronger in more ways than one.

Luke is caught a bit off guard when Logan releases the chief and then hugs him. But he reacts quickly and returns the gesture. It's moments like this one that convinces him that he has the best job in the entire world.

**A/N. So. I weaseled my way out of writing another trial. What do you all think about that? Review? **


	10. September

**A/N. I'm sorry it took me so long to update. On Saturday, I received an anonymous review that kind of took away all of my inspiration for several days. Needless to say, I deleted the review and disabled anonymous reviews altogether. I've found that they can be a way for people to be nasty to others and I'm not looking to get hurt again. I also encourage my fellow writers to do the same thing because it's totally not worth it. Thanks to my friends, Lauren and Alex and Rieley for making me feel so much better and helping me out this week. You guys are the absolute best and I'm so blessed to know you all. Also, thanks to Oddbeliever for your sweet review that also made me feel a whole lot better. I love you all! I don't own anything.**

"_Of all the things I still remember  
Summer's never looked the same  
The years go by and time just seems to fly  
But the memories remain_

_In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain  
Nothing to lose but everything to gain  
Reflecting now on how things could've been  
It was worth it in the end"_

_'September' by Daughtry._

_

* * *

_

Kendall shivers a little when he first wakes up. It's mid-September in Minnesota and the temperature has been dropping at a steady rate every day for a while now. He doesn't want to move from underneath his sleeping bag to take a look at the outdoor thermometer by the window though so he's content to remain oblivious. He tilts his head to look up at the clock and sees that it's almost 7:30 in the morning. Still early.

A quick glance to his left shows Kendall that James and Carlos are both still fast asleep on the floor and he grins thinking of how today is a school day but none of them are going. Not that he and Logan would be going anyway. Logan had braved one trip back to school and ended up going home before lunch. He didn't bother trying again and insisted that he could home school himself. He had also tried to convince the parents that he could home school his friends but so far, Kendall's mother was the only one to give in. Today, none of that matters though.

Kendall yawns sleepily and stretches out the kinks in his back that have become a part of his daily morning routine from sleeping on Logan's bedroom floor. He could care less though. It's all worth it as long as Logan is with them. With a small frown, Kendall can't help but remember the nights he spent laying in Logan's room when Logan was still missing.

"Morning."

The voice interrupts Kendall's bad memories and he looks up to see Logan watching him from the bed. The frown is exchanged for another huge grin. "Hey, Logie." Kendall inches out of his sleeping bag, careful not to disturb James and Carlos, and then joins Logan on the bed. He wraps an arm around the smaller boy's shoulder and pulls him close in a one armed hug. "Happy Birthday, Logan." He whispers.

Still sleepy, Logan simply shuts his eyes and rests his head on Kendall's shoulder. "Thanks." He finally says. "It sure is."

Kendall laughs in appreciation. "Now you know how James and I felt."

"He and Carlos really shouldn't be skipping school already." Logan shakes his head but he's smiling at the same time.

At that, Kendall snorts. "You really expected them to go today? On your birthday?"

Logan pretends to consider Kendall's question and then shrugs. "Nope. Not really. I'm glad too. I miss them when they're not here."

Kendall nods in agreement and then impulsively grabs Logan's pillow and bounces it off of Carlos' head. "Wake up, sleepy heads!"

As one, Carlos and James bolt upright, startled by Kendall's voice. Carlos catches on first and bounds to his feet and over to the bed in one quick movement. "Happy Birthday, Logie!" He sings out, stealing Logan away from Kendall long enough to give him an enormous hug.

"Thanks, Carlos." Logan smiles, happy that he no longer tenses with any unexpected contact from his best friends."Sorry that Kendall woke you up."

"It doesn't matter." James mumbles as he rises unsteadily to his feet. He stumbles over to the bed and sits on the edge and gives Logan a goofy smile, still half asleep. "Happy Birthday, buddy." Instead of trying to wrestle Logan away from Carlos, he simply pulls both of his smaller friends into a tight embrace. "How's it feel to be an old man of eighteen?"

Logan looks at him questioningly. "I'd think you would know by now. But in answer to your question, it feels exactly the same as being seventeen felt. Wait, scratch that. This is a million times better than being seventeen. I'm with you guys." He decides against telling them that he considers it a miracle that he's eighteen in the first place and simply smiles in contentment.

"We couldn't agree with you more." Kendall says seriously. Then, disliking the somewhat heavy mood around them he makes a suggestion. "Hey, before we go downstairs and the girls make us forget, let's do presents."

Before Logan can open his mouth to protest or agree, Carlos pulls out of the hug and jumps of the bed. "Great idea, Kendall!" He cheers enthusiastically. "Stay here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back." He walks backwards to make sure none of his friends are moving and then disappears down the hallway. He's back seconds later with an armful of wrapped presents.

"Guys, you didn't have to. . ." Logan murmurs in slight embarrassment. "I didn't really get Kendall and James that much and-"

"You mean besides getting you back?" Kendall interrupts, shaking his head. "How many times are we going to have to tell you that you're all we ever needed or wanted?"

Despite his best efforts, tears brighten Logan's eyes. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "I just wish I could have given you more but I never really had time."

This time, James speaks up. "Logie, you went ice skating with all of us for Kendall's birthday. Combining his two favorite things, best friends and skating. I know he loved it. And it meant even more to him before we all knew that it took a lot of courage for you to go out." He pauses and glances at Kendall who nods with every single word. "And me? I look at those pictures every single day. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. The only thing that means more to me are you guys and my family."

Logan nods and smiles a little through his tears. "When did you become such a sap, James?"

James grins at the teasing. "Old age I guess." He says softly. "So anyway, will you suck it up and open our presents? We didn't even get you that much."

"Please, Logie?" Carlos begs, practically shoving the smallest gift into Logan's hands. "For us?"

"Well, I can't really say no to that, can I?" Logan asks, raising his eyebrows. He smiles and then hurries to oblige Carlos. He unwraps a small light keychain in the shape of a hockey skate.

Carlos takes it from his hand and presses a tiny button. "See? It lights up." He says with a grin. "So you'll always have a light with you."

Logan takes the keychain back and holds it carefully in his hand, studying it intently. "It's perfect." He says sincerely. "Thank you." When Carlos' answer is another present, he sets the keychain aside and opens another present, this one a T-shirt with James' favorite picture of the four of them on the front.

This time, James takes it and holds it up for his own inspection. "Remember that stupid James shirt I used to wear?" He asks, shaking his head. "I thought you would like this one."

"I do." Without bothering to take his plain shirt off, Logan pulls the other one over his head, trying to ignore the way it hangs loosely on his thin frame. He's getting better every day. "This is perfect too."

"We thought you'd like these too." Carlos hands over another small present. "And they're kind of useful. I mean, not really but-"

"Carlos, let him open it and see what it is first." James says with a light laugh. But he turns serious as he watches Logan pull the wrapping paper away. "They're um, bookplates." He explains. "You put them in the front of your book instead of writing your name in them. But only certain books. Actually you can put them in any book. The guy who sold them to us just said-"

"Now who's rambling?" Carlos teases with a wide grin.

Logan is quiet as he studies the bookplates intently. They're thin slips of paper with a simple but beautiful tree design on the front. "Thank you." He finally says when Carlos and James have stopped bickering. "I love them."

"Do you really?" Kendall asks anxiously.

"Yes." Logan answers him firmly. "I really do. Everything. It's all perfect."

"We have one more!" Carlos seems about to burst and then finally tosses the last present to Logan. "Now just so you know, we didn't get you anything individually. All of this is from all of us. Except this one. This one is. . . it's from our fans too." He looks at Logan with worry written all over his face, as if he's afraid that any reminder of their time in LA might upset Logan.

But Logan looks simply curious as he carefully unwraps a box and then lifts the lid. It's a scrapbook, that much is obvious. It's huge though and he struggles a little bit to lift it out of the box. He runs his fingers over the red cover that features another picture of the four of them.

This time they're actually performing at a concert. It's strange to see such a powerful reminder of his life in LA but it doesn't really bother Logan. He regards it with a bittersweet regret that it couldn't have lasted longer while also some relief that it's over and life is relatively normal once more. He smiles at the elation that's practically radiating from their faces in the picture. "Good times huh?" He asks with a quick glance up at his friends. His eyes rest on James and before he can stop himself he blurts out a question that's been nagging him lately. "You're not mad at me for not going back are you? I mean, what about your dream?"

The room is dead quiet at first. James' mouth is hanging open until he realizes it and snaps it shut with a little force. He doesn't answer Logan right away as he struggles with words to say.

But Logan takes his silence the wrong way and his face falls in disappointment. "I'm sorry, James. I-"

"Logan," James says, shaking his head quickly. "Why would you. . . how could you think that? You mean way more to me than my "dream". I'd rather be here with you guys than anywhere else in the world right now. I'm not mad at you at all. You believe me, right? Besides, this. . ." James gestures with his hands around the room. "This is my new dream to live."

It's impossible for Logan to not believe James. He nods and looks down at the scrapbook again, blinking back tears. "Okay." He says in a whisper. Then he clears his throat. "So. . . this is from the fans too?"

James relaxes and nods cheerfully. "Yup! Open it up!"

His enthusiasm is contagious and since Carlos is already close to bouncing off the walls, Logan slowly opens the scrapbook to look at the first page. It's a typical scrapbook but it's also so much more. There's lots of pictures but there's even more letters. Fan letters.

Kendall leans forward and points to some of the letters. "These are. . . um these are from fans when you. . ." He trails off and shivers unconsciously.

Kendall doesn't need to explain though. Logan can tell by the words that the letters are from when he was missing. A lump grows in his throat as he reads the genuine concern and worry his fans had for him. One six-year-old wrote how all she asked Santa for Christmas that year was his safe return. There were plenty of older girls telling him how they had their policemen fathers out looking for him. "Wow." He says, at a loss for anything else to say.

Then as if they bring bad memories to the surface, James reaches over and flips the page. "I like these ones better." He confesses softly.

These letters are happier. They're joyful. Some are just simply get well cards but once again Logan can see that his fans truly did care about him. There's not a single mention of Big Time Rush in any of the letters. All he can see are messages from people he doesn't even know telling him that they love him and care about him and how they're praying for him and that they hope he gets well soon.

Tears blur his eyesight and he blinks rapidly so he can see to read more of the letters. "Wow." He says again. "I. . . I don't know what to say. I mean I always knew that we had the best fans in the world but this. . ." He closes the book and stares at the cover again. "How did you do this?"

"The letters have been going to Rocque Records." Kendall tells him. "Kelly and Gustavo were waiting until the volume of letters died down until they sent them here. We got them last week and decided to do something with them. There's a lot more in the downstairs closet but we wanted you to see this first."

"I wish I could thank them all." Logan says thoughtfully. "Gustavo and Kelly too. I miss them you know. I miss everyone back at the Palm Woods."

"Hm." Carlos says with his lips pressed tightly together. "Wanna go downstairs now?" He asks, trying to keep his voice steady.

Logan glances at him and then at Kendall and James. All three of them seem to be trying to hide excitement about something. "Okay." He agrees, watching as they all sigh in relief. They stand up and before they leave the room, he hugs each of them individually. "Thanks again, guys. I love everything. Really."

"Well, I bet there's some more to come." Kendall says mysteriously. "Let's go find out!" He leads the way out of the room and to the stairs where they can smell breakfast cooking in the kitchen. Downstairs they greet Mrs. Knight and Katie and Camille.

"Happy Birthday, Logan." Katie says a little shyly. She hugs and then presses something into his hand. "I made this for you. I hope you. . . like it."

Logan sits down and opens his hand to find a braided leather bracelet in his palm.

"I made it." Katie repeats, now a little nervous.

"It's beautiful, Katie." Logan says, slipping it on his wrist right away. "Thank you so much. I love it and it means a lot that you made it." He hugs her again and the releases her so his mother can steal him for a short time.

"Eighteen." Mrs. Knight says to herself. She releases Logan from her hug to look at the other boys. "How did you all grow up so fast?" When they all blush, she smiles and presses a kiss to Logan's forehead. "Happy Birthday, sweetie. I'm afraid. . ." She lifts her head and glances meaningfully at Kendall over Logan's head. "I'm afraid that my present for you won't arrive until later this afternoon."

Logan turns even redder. "That's fine." He mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. "You didn't-"

But Mrs. Knight shakes her head. "Don't be silly. Of course we did."

Camille steps forward than and embraces Logan. "Hi." She whispers softly. "I love you." She looks up at him and then at everyone else before leaving the kitchen, beckoning to Logan so he follows her. "I wanted to give this to you in private even though. . . hopefully everyone will see it." She slowly withdraws something from her pocket and hands it to Logan, keeping her hand in his for a few seconds.

It's another braided piece of leather but this one has a ring around it. Logan fingers it carefully. "They match, don't they?" He asks softly.

Camille smiles and holds up her hand to show him the ring that she hasn't taken off once. "Yes. It took me a while to find the jeweler but once I did. . . I thought you might like to wear it around your neck for something a little different. You don't have to-"

Logan cuts her off with a quick but gentle kiss and then he slowly lifts the necklace over his head and drops it. "I love it. That way if we're ever apart I have you close to my heart."

That's exactly what Camille meant it to be and she smiles. "Yes. But we never will be apart again."

The words bring an incredible amount of comfort to Logan. He smiles and leans in for another kiss. "We should get back in the kitchen before they come to see what happened to us." He says as they pull quickly apart.

Camille studies Logan carefully. He's still smiling but it's obvious there's something bothering him. "Wait a minute, Logan." She says gently. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

Logan looks ashamed. "I just. . . I love you so much, you know that right?" He sighs in relief when she nods right away. "I'm sorry I'm. . . afraid then. Of having a deeper relationship with you." He clarifies when Camille looks slightly confused. "It's just that. . . the last time. . ." He trails off, struggling with his words.

Understanding lights up Camille's face and her eyes brighten with sudden tears. "It's because of him isn't it? The way he. . . hurt you." Some days Logan is fine and comfortable with hugging and kissing but there are other days when he's tense and uncertain with any kind of intimate contact. When he nods, she hugs him gently. "It's fine, Logan. None of this is your fault. We'll take things slow, okay?"

Logan nods and the pain in his eyes eases a little bit. "You're incredible." He murmurs, shaking his head. He fingers the ring around his neck and then drops one last quick kiss on Camille's forehead. "Thanks for everything."

"Are you guys okay?" Katie peers tentatively around the corner and smiles in relief when she sees them. "Breakfast is ready."

After breakfast, Camille gives Logan a kiss and then leaves with Mrs. Knight and Katie to pick up his birthday present. Logan is too confused by the odd behavior that overtakes his friends than to be very reluctant to see them go. "So what's gotten into you three?" He asks suspiciously.

"Nothing." Carlos straight up lies and then stops right there because he doesn't like to lie even if it's for a surprise. "You'll see."

James laughs at the careful evasion. "What do you want to do until then, Logan?" He asks.

"Um," Logan glances out the window. "Want to go for a walk?" He suggests. "It's looking a little cloudy out there but. . . I kind of want to be outside right now."

They never think to refuse Logan any of these things lately. Kendall nods and they all pull on shoes and light jackets before stepping out into the chilly air. "Everyone dressed warm enough?" Kendall asks casually.

Logan isn't fooled though. "I'm fine, Kendall." He says with a roll of his eyes. "Thanks though."

The comforting thing is, Kendall believes him. It's been three months since Carlos' dad found Logan and he's made an incredible amount of progress in that time. He still struggles with nightmares and borders on panic attacks every once in a while but therapy along with the constant support from his family and friends has helped.

Kendall drops slightly behind Logan so he can study him without looking obvious. It's such a relief to see that he's finally getting better. He's not as thin and he's _happier. _It hasn't been easy at all. But they're healing. All of them. With each passing day, Kendall becomes more and more convinced that they'll make it through together.

"Are you okay, Kendall?" Logan stops and turns around to look at his friend in concern.

Kendall doesn't answer right away. He grins instead and catches up to Logan in a few long strides. "I'm great, Logie. I was just thinking."

"Can't you walk and think at the same time?" Carlos teases and he and James backtrack to join the other two.

Kendall laughs and shrugs. "Sorry, I guess I'm not very good at multitasking. Where are we going?"

"The pond?" Logan suggests hopefully. He can't remember the last time he's been there and that's not a fact he appreciates very much. But he's not prepared for the reactions he gets.

James stops walking so suddenly that Logan bumps into him. Kendall and Carlos seem to trip each other up at the same time. It takes a few seconds for all of them to steady each other and when they do, three boys seem to be struggling with something.

"Is something wrong?" Logan asks in confusion.

"N-nothing." Carlos says right away. "It's just. . . nothing. Let's go."

Logan stares after his friends for an instant as they walk off. Then he decides to keep quiet and follows them without another word. They reach their destination fairly quickly and he sighs in perfect contentment. There's something about the familiarity of the place where they all first met and it gives him a sense of peace. "We should go skating on here when it freezes over." He says quietly. When he's met by silence, he glances over at his friends. "What's wrong? And don't say nothing. You all look upset about something. What is it?"

James looks at Carlos to see a tear slide down the younger boy's face and then he glances at Kendall. His other friend's jaw is set firmly like it gets when Kendall is trying his hardest not to show his weakness in front of them. "Logan," He says softly because someone has to tell him. "We. . . the last time we were here. . . you weren't with us."

"Oh." Logan looks like he understands a little more but he waits for a better explanation.

Kendall takes a deep breath and then wraps an arm around Logan. "The last time we were here was in November. We weren't the only ones here. The whole neighborhood was here too. We were here for you. We. . . lit candles and everything." He stops and takes a shuddering breath as the memory comes flooding back. He shuts his eyes and sucks in another deep breath, trying to hold himself together. Logan is doing so well. It's his birthday. He doesn't need Kendall to-

"It's okay to cry." Logan says quietly. His own eyes are filling but he wipes the tears away and smiles encouragingly at Kendall.

Kendall sinks to his knees because he's not sure if his legs will hold him anymore. The memory is hitting him with frightening force. His body starts to jerk with sobs that he's held back for so long and when he feels Logan's arms around him, he cries freely. "I'm sorry." He chokes out. "I'm okay."

"You're fine." Logan tells him. "We're all fine." He looks to James and Carlos who have gone from being on the verge of tears to in tears as soon as Kendall started crying. "Maybe we shouldn't have come here."

"No." Carlos shakes his head. "I'm glad we did. Now. . . now we have good memories again."

Kendall sits up slowly, his breathing becoming regular once again. "Carlos is right." He says after a while. "I didn't want to come here because I was afraid. Now, I don't really know what I was afraid of. I don't- We don't have to be afraid anymore."

Logan's face brightens and he nods. "Exactly." He says softly."Come on. We'd better head back. It's looking like rain." He stands up and then pulls Kendall to his feet as well.

Kendall glances up at the sky and blinks as a drop of rain lands directly in one of his eyes. "Shoot." He mumbles. He pulls of his jacket and shoves it into Logan's hands, only to have to shoved right back at him. "Logan, just take it." He tries to insist.

"I don't need it." Logan shakes his head, slightly annoyed but relieved to see that Kendall is back to being his overprotective self. The sky chooses that moment to completely open up and within seconds they're all soaked. He glares at Kendall who is more soaked than the rest of them. "Well, let's go"

James takes a handful of steps forward before he promptly slips and falls into an especially large puddle. "Argh!" He exclaims, jumping to his feet. He sees Kendall smirking at him and opens his mouth to retort but something stops him.

Carlos is the first to laugh at the expression on James' face. He hasn't laughed since before Logan disappeared and the sound startles him but not enough to make him stop. It's like he's making up for lost time as he collapses to the ground, laughing so hard that his sides ache and tears stream down his face. "S-sorry." He gasps out a pathetic apology to poor James who is probably wet and miserable. .

But James isn't miserable at all. If he knew that falling in a puddle would make Carlos laugh again, he would have done it ages ago. And just when he thinks that today can't possibly get any better, it does.

Carlos has always had a contagious laugh. His whole sunny personality was infectious. And even though a cloud was hung over that sunshine, it was only a temporary cloud. So before Logan knows it, he's laughing too. It surprises him as much as his friends but he doesn't bother to ponder the revelation. He's determined to simply enjoy the moment. "Y-you should s-see y-your face!" He tells James in between gasps of air.

James glances at Kendall and at the same time, enormous smiles split across their faces. James has been aching to hear the sound of pure and joyous laughter for so long. It's everything he's dreamed of and hoped for and so much more.

Every time that Carlos and Logan start to get control of themselves, they look at each other and dissolve into uncontrollable laughter once again. When they finally get to where they can talk and breathe properly again, they stand up, clutching their aching sides. "Are. . . you okay, James?" Logan can barely meet James' gaze as he fights to keep a straight face.

James laughs and throws an arm across Logan's shoulders. He looks up at the sky, suddenly remembering that it's still pouring and as healthy as Logan seems, they should get him warm and dry as soon as possible. "Never better, Logie." He promises before stepping forward again, this time with his friends at his side.

They hurry back to the house and get inside just before it starts raining so hard that they can't even see. Mrs. Knights' van is already sitting in the driveway and Kendall exchanges worried glances with Carlos and James as they open the door.

"Kendall Knight, where on earth have you been?" Mrs. Knight demands as soon as they walk into the family room. Before any of the boys can answer, she notices their soaked appearances. "Why, you're all absolutely soaked!" She says in alarm, already advancing on Logan. "What happened-"

Logan ducks away and walks slowly over to the small group of people sitting on the couch. He stands in front of them, shy at first, unsure of how to greet them. But then he doesn't have to say anything because the woman there stands up and embraces him as tears stream silently down her face. "Hi, Kelly." He says softly, hugging her back.

"Logan," She whispers right before pulling away. She cups his face in between her shaking hands and looks at him closely before she allows herself a smile. "It's _so good_ to see you again. We've missed you so much. How are you?"

"Better." Logan answers honestly. Then he looks at her clothes and blushes. "I'm sorry, I got you all wet."

Kelly laughs and wipes away her tears. "Logan, don't worry about that. They're just clothes." As if to convince him even more that she doesn't care, she hugs him again before finally stepping away.

Kelly's boss, Gustavo Rocque stands up then, looking extremely uncomfortable with all the emotion in the room. He clears his throat in the awkward silence. "Logan," He begins and then stops.

Logan isn't at all hurt by Gustavo's behavior. He knows that his former manager is glad to see him again but he's not used to such a delicate situation. "Hi, Gustavo." He finally says, hoping to put the man at ease. "It's great to see you too."

Gustavo gives a jerky nod. "Yeah. You too. Um. . . happy birthday."

"Thanks." Logan smiles. "And thanks for coming." He then turns away from Gustavo and Kelly to greet the third person who is still sitting. "Hi, Jo."

Kendall's girlfriend bounds to her feet with a big smile on her face and disregarding his wet clothes, hugs him tightly. "You look great, Logan." She says happily.

"I feel great." Logan tells her, earning another another huge smile.

"Okay," Camille swoops in then and hands Logan a pile of clean and dry clothes. "You need to get a shower now. By the time you're done, everyone else will be here and we can eat lunch."

Logan laughs and gives his girlfriend a quick kiss before obediently heading up the stairs with his friends at his heels. "Who wants to go first?" He asks, turning just in time to see three pairs of eyes roll at his question. "Okay then, I'll go."

After his shower, he feels so much better. He waits in his room with his friends until all of them are ready and then they head back downstairs. Everyone else is indeed already there. James' parents and Carlos' big family as well as Kendall's father. Even Justin and Luke are there.

When the cake is served without a single candle adorning the top, Logan sneaks a glance at Camille who shakes her head and nods in Kendall's direction. Logan feels a rush of gratitude toward his friend and tries to catch his eye to thank him for the quiet gesture of protectiveness but Kendall has already turned bright red and pretends to be busy, handing out napkins.

Later, Logan is given some more presents. Jo presents him with a beautiful collector's edition of his favorite book series, _The Lord of the Rings_ and Kendall's dad gives him new hockey skates. He unwraps a leather journal from Justin who takes him aside to explain the importance of writing in it so that he can read the progress he's making. But it's what Gustavo and Kelly present him with that renders Logan speechless for several long seconds.

"I. . . I can't take this." He finally says in barely a whisper. "It's too much." He stares at the check in his hands and counts the zeros again, baffled when it comes out to the same number as before. "Gustavo. . . Kelly. . . this is a hundred thousand dollars."

Gustavo shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "College is expensive." He mumbles. "We know how much it means to you. Now you don't have to worry."

"But. . ." Logan tries to protest again. "It's too much."

"Logan," Kelly says gently. "It's not enough." She doesn't mean that the amount of money isn't enough. She means that nothing they could have given them would ever be enough to convey how grateful they are that he's back with everyone safe and sound and healing.

Logan has no choice but to understand and accept the gift. "Thank you." He says with feeling. "This means so much."

Gustavo turns scarlet but simply gives another short nod. "You deserve it." He says so quickly at quietly that his words are barely coherent.

Luke glances at Mrs. Knight and after receiving a smile, he stands up. "Logan, I'll be right back with my present." Before Logan can protest the offer, Luke disappears down the hall and down the basement.

Logan waits in an uncertain silence. He looks around the room but can tell that Mrs. Knight and Carlos' father are the only ones who know what Luke is up to. Just before he thinks he might go crazy with the anticipation, Luke reappears and Logan's mouth falls open.

Luke is holding a tiny German Shepard puppy in his arms as he approaches Logan. "He's sleeping." The detective apologizes as he kneels in front of Logan to hand him the sleeping puppy. "I spent the morning playing with him so that he was nice and tired for today but. . ." He smiles as the puppy sighs deeply after the careful transfer. "I might have tired him out a little more than I meant to."

"Where. . ." Logan trails off as he stares at the dog. He's a tiny mass of soft dark brown fur with a black nose that pokes out, just visible against that hair. He opens his eyes and stares up at Logan before licking his hands with a rough pink tongue and going back to sleep, perfectly content.

"Our dogs." Luke answers quietly, gesturing to Carlos' father. "Some of us on the force are assigned a dog as an extra partner. Mine is this little guy's mommy. Her name is Shadow and she's been crushing on the chief's dog Scout for a while now. He grins at Mr. Garcia. "Almost four months ago they, uh, had an unsupervised meeting."

"Six pups." Mr. Garcia says with a shake of his head. "I blame Shadow. Anyway, they're Luke's but he can't keep them all of course."

Luke leans closer to Logan and whispers. "I would if I could but my apartment complex only allows one pet for each tenant. I had to work hard enough to convince my landlord to let the puppies stay until they were old enough to leave. My brother is a dog breeder so I gave him the three girls. And my sister took the other boys for her twin sons. I thought you would like this guy."

"I. . . I do." Logan stammers, still stunned by the gift.

"You couldn't ask for better breeding even if it was accidental." Luke muses. "Shadow and Scout are the two bravest dogs I've ever known. He'll take good care of you, this one."

"I believe it." Logan replies, softly. "Thank you, Luke." He sets the dog on his lap so he can pet it. "I love him already. Does he. . . does he have a name?"

Luke shakes his head. "I've been calling him pup. I wanted his owner to name him.

His owner. Logan smiles. "I've never had a pet before. What should I name him?"

"That's up to you, Logie." Luke tells him. "But you know. . . Baldwin is a name of German origin. It means "brave friend". Someone that will lay down his life for his companion. A big name for this pup to live up to but it's in his blood."

The puppy wakes up and blinks sleepily. Logan strokes the top of its head and smiles. "Look, he knows his name already. Baldwin. It's perfect."

Just then Carlos' father clears his throat and looks at his wife and James' parents. "Well, Logan, now that me detective has stolen the spotlight I think there's one more present for you. And you can mostly thank my son for this one."

Carlos looks up from staring at Baldwin. "Me?" He asks in confusion.

"Yes, you." Mr. Garcia tries to look stern but ends up smiling. "You and your school work."

"Oh?" Carlos looks like he knows what his father is talking about but he's still confused. "What about me and my school work?"

"How about the fact that you haven't turned in any homework assignments this year?"

"Carlos!" Logan exclaims, looking appalled. "You haven't done any of your homework?"

Carlos blushes and frowns at his friend's disapproval. "I don't want to go to school." He says quietly.

"We've noticed." His father says, rolling his eyes. "And according to James' parents he could be doing better as well."

"Why haven't you guys asked me for help?" Logan shakes his head. "School is important and-"

"I think they were trying to make a point." Mr. Diamond finally says. "And we've all decided that if you're up to it, we'll put them in a homeschooling program and you can help them."

Right away, Logan's eyes light up. "Really?" He asks hopefully.

Mr. Diamond nods. "We know that you've been wanting to do so but. . . well we wanted them in school and we weren't sure that it would be fair to give you such a work load. However, if you're feeling up to it and if our sons promise to work a lot harder than they have been, then we think it would be okay to at least try it."

James and Carlos say nothing but merely look at Logan for the answer. Logan doesn't hesitate. "Of course I'm up to it." He replies confidently. He grins when James and Carlos exchanged high fives with each other. "I'll make sure they'll get all their work done."

"Trust me." Kendall says with a laugh. "Logan is better than any teacher I've had at making sure I get everything done. Of course, he's also better than any teacher I've ever had, period."

Logan turns bright red at the praise but grins. "When can we get started?" He asks eagerly.

"Next Monday." Mrs. Garcia replies promptly, smiling to see how excited all of the boys are. Even though she's not thrilled with the way her son has been neglecting his homework, it seems like it all worked out for the best. Because when she looks at Logan and sees how alive he is after the horror he's dealt with, it makes it all worth it in the end.

* * *

"Can we go home now?" Carlos pleads. It's his eighteenth birthday and his friends forced him into a long walk to get him out of the house. He doesn't mind walking with his friends and they have Baldwin too so that's even better. But he's practically dying of curiosity.

Logan grips the leash with both hands and quickens his strides as his puppy strains against the red nylon material. He glances over his shoulder at Kendall who checks his phone before shaking his head. "Not yet, Carlos. They um, they're not ready."

"Logan, do you want me to take him?" James eyes Baldwin who is looking like he's going to break into a run any second now. He's only three months now but he's grown a lot and is pretty much dragging Logan down the sidewalk.

But Logan shakes his head and finally manages to stop the dog. "No, I've got him. Thanks though. Where do you guys think we should go now?"

Kendall looks in concern at his friend. Baldwin is young but Logan has him trained so well already. Still, the walk, or rather run, seems to have taken a lot out of Logan who is still recovering. "How about we head home and hang out there for a while?"

Logan gives him a pointed look because he knows exactly why Kendall made that particular suggestion. But he shrugs and nods. "Sounds good to me." He says casually. "Come on, buddy." He says to Baldwin who promptly leaps forward with a giant bound that nearly takes Logan off of his feet.

James shakes his head and catches up to the pair in a few long strides. He doesn't take the leash from Logan but he wants to be sure that he's okay. "So Logie, can I ask you a question?" He says with a grin.

Logan glances at him. "Well," He begins. "By asking me if you can ask me a question, you have already asked me a question. But you can ask me another one if you want." He laughs when James stares at him in confusion. "What's up?"

"Um," James tries to remember what his original question is and then laughs when it comes back to him. "So are you taking your dog for a walk or is he taking you for one?"

Logan rolls his eyes but laughs. "That's a really old joke, James."

The taller boy shrugs. "Well, I'm sure Carlos would have something funnier to say but Shortie is having trouble keeping up with the pace being set by your crazy dog."

Carlos comes up behind them, jogging to keep up. "Don't make fun of the birthday boy, James." He protests with a grin. "I can't help it if I'm. . ." He pauses.

"Vertically challenged?" Logan guesses lightly. He laughs but stops when he nearly trips over Baldwin who has come to a sudden halt. "What is it, boy?" He asks. He watches the sudden stiff posture come over the young dog and then follows his gaze. "Oh." He says softly.

Kendall frowns at the small cluster of news reporters waiting outside on his own front lawn. "Should we-" He begins to suggest that they try to sneak through the back door but it's too late. They've been spotted. He steps directly in front of Logan and tries to stay calm while memories of their last encounter with the press, flash before his eyes.

As they boys are approached, the number of reporters seems to grow from three to six or seven. Logan desperately wants them to go away and leave him alone forever. Their presence is nearly suffocating and even with his three friends and even Baldwin, shielding him protectively, he feels like he can barely breath because of the oncoming panic. But then out of the corner of his eye, he sees an especially bold reporter shove past Carlos in an attempt to get closer to him. Logan watches helplessly as Carlos, caught of guard by the force of the shove, stumbles and then falls awkwardly to the ground. He cries out in pain and then sits up, cradling his left wrist close to his chest. Anger stirs inside of Logan and he forgets all about being afraid. Before he even realizes what he's doing, he advances on the guilty reporter. "What is wrong with all of you?" He demands in a shout.

Instantly, everyone goes perfectly silent. The reporters all stare at him in shock while Kendall, James and Carlos look equally surprised. Carlos struggles to his feet with James' help and looks worriedly at his friend. "Logie-"

"What do you want from me?" Logan asks, ignoring Carlos' concern. He's still shaking but it's no longer from fear. He's furious. "Why can't you just leave me and my friends all alone? It's been months and I haven't talked to you about what happened. What makes you think I'll ever want to talk about it?"

A petite blonde woman steps forward. "The public deserves to know." She insists. The shock has already worn off and they're all back to caring about getting the story of the decade.

Logan shakes his head. "No they _don't_." He spits out. "It's my life that you all want to world to know but have you ever thought for one second about what I want? Do you even care? Don't you think that I deserve some privacy?"

"We just want to know what it was like." Someone in the back of the group says.

"What do you think it was like?" Logan glares at them until they all take a few steps backwards. He resists the urge to let go of the leash and let Baldwin go because the dog is far from happy. He's barking and growling and the hair is standing up, showcasing the protective aggression that runs in his blood. "What do you think it was like to live in the basement of some psycho who tortured me every day and every night? What do you think it was like for me to have no idea if I would ever be rescued? Do you think I enjoyed it? Maybe I liked it when he beat me one minute and then made out with me the next. No. I hated every second of it and I hated him. I'm glad he's dead. Is that enough or do you want me to go on?"

"Please, go on."

Logan stares at them in disbelief. "Are. . . are you serious? Do you care about anything other than getting your story? Don't you care about me or my friends at all? Fine. Here's what it;s like for me now. I have nightmares and panic attacks every once in a while and I hate that too. I'm sure some of you remember what happened last time when I had the misfortune of running into you." A bitter smile crosses his face when he sees that they're finally starting to look uncomfortable. "I have to deal with idiots with you every single day. People who have no respect for my privacy or my feelings. They just care about what happened to me because they have a sick sense of curiosity. I'm just sick of you. Quit your jobs and take sensitivity training okay? Maybe that will help you become more human because right now you're just horrible and you should be ashamed of yourselves. How do your families stand you? I mean, all you care about is getting paid. You have no _feelings_."

"Logan," James places his hand on Logan's shoulder. "You don't have to-"

But Logan pulls gently away and hands James Baldwin's leash. "I'm not finished." He says, his tone softening just for James. Then he turns back to the reporters and his voice is hard once again. "Look, right now I'm just trying to move on and all you're doing is holding me back. So just stay out of my life." Logan points at Carlos who is still holding his injured wrist. "You hurt one of my best friends today. If you had any sense at all you would know that you've gone way too far and that you could get into serious trouble now. All I want is for you to get out of my life and stay out of it. Leave me and my friends and family alone. There. You have your story. Are you happy Go ahead and share it with the world."

At last Logan falls silent and for a full minute no one speaks. Then the reporters back off, breaking eye contact while they murmur softly that they won't release any of what Logan has just told them. It's ironic because they finally have what they've been waiting for and now they're choosing to keep it to themselves.

Logan ignores all of them and takes Carlos by his uninjured wrist, pulling him to the safety of the house. He tosses a quick glance over his shoulder to see that James and Kendall are right behind them with Baldwin. Once inside, Logan breathes a sigh of relief and then turns to Carlos. All the anger has evaporated and there's only concern on his face. "Let me see your wrist."

Carlos obeys instantly, letting Logan inspect his wrist which is already swollen. "Logan," He says admiringly "You were great out there."

"We're all really proud of you, Logan." Kendall says in agreement while James simply nods. "That took a lot of courage for you to stand up for yourself the way you did."

Logan frowns as he carefully pokes and prods Carlos' wrist, feeling for any broken bones. "Yeah, well they crossed a line today." He says quietly. "James, can you get me the first aid kit please?"

James nods again and disappears to run up the stairs.

Logan brings his attention back to Carlos. "I don't think its broken, just sprained. Can you move it?"

Carlos tentatively takes his wrist from Logan and moves it back and forth, wincing only slightly. "Yea, and it's already not hurting as much as it was before."

"Good." Logan says in satisfaction. "We'll ice it and then wrap it. Kendall?"

Kendall leaves for the kitchen for an ice pack and for the moment it's just Logan and Carlos and Baldwin who lays at Logan's feet.

"I'm sorry, Carlos." Logan sighs. "You should have never gotten hurt like this and it's your birthday."

But Carlos rolls his eyes. "It's not a big deal. Just think of why I got hurt. I got shoved over by some jerk reporter because he was trying to talk to _you_. You're back and that's all that matters."

Before Logan can reply, James and Kendall return at the same time and he changes the subject. "We'll use the RICE method." He says, handing Carlos the ice pack. "Rest, ice, compression, and elevate." His phone vibrates and he glances at it and then gives James and Kendall a meaningful look. "Then, once you're done icing it, I'll wrap it and he can head over to your house."

Carlos brightens at the prospect of finally figuring out what the big secret it but he knows that no present in the world can compare to the fact that he's celebrating his eighteenth birthday with his three best friends.

When Logan deems Carlos' wrist iced enough to wrap, James hands him the packet of ACE bandages and Logan skillfully wraps the gauze-like material carefully around the sore wrist, apologizing softly when Carlos winces slightly. "There." He steps back to inspect his handy-work.

"Thanks, Logan." Carlos says gratefully. "Can we head over to my house now?"

Logan laughs at the hopeful expression on his face and looks at James and Kendall. "I don't know. . ." He begins slowly. "Do you guys think we should wait a while or what?"

"I think we should wait at least another hour." James says as seriously as he possibly can. "Just to be sure they're ready."

"Guys!" Carlos protests.

Kendall laughs. "All right, let's go. We'll drive." He adds decisively, pulling his car keys out of his pocket. He looks cautiously outside and then wraps an arm around Logan's shoulders, smiling a little when he sees James mimic the protective gesture with Carlos. Baldwin trots at their heels and hops eagerly into the car settling across the third row seat of the van. The drive doesn't take long at all but Kendall would rather not risk any more incidents. He pulls up to the curb and laughs as Carlos and Baldwin spill out of the van and race to the door. The others follow more slowly but arrive just in time to hear Carlos' mother.

"What on earth happened to you, Carlos?" Mrs. Garcia demands in motherly concern. The volume of her voice though attracted the attention of everyone in the house and the boys have to force their way through the doorway.

"We ran into some reporters on our way back from our walk." Logan tries to keep his tone causal but the underlying fear and anger is still all to clear. He pretends to be preoccupied with his dog instead of facing the scrutinizing stares that move from Carlos right to him.

"Are you okay, Logan?" Camille walks over and touches his hand.

Logan nods quickly. "Yeah. Really I am. But Carlos got shoved over and sprained his wrist."

Mr. Garcia and Luke automatically stiffen at Logan's words. "Shoved?" The chief asks in a tense voice. "On purpose?"

Logan shrugs. "I guess. They. . . they were trying to get to me. But I got mad and um, yelled at them a lot."

This time the two policemen look surprised at first and then smile. Luke leans over and scratches Baldwin behind the ears, earning several sloppy wet kisses in return. "What did you tell them?" He asks curiously.

"I told them to leave me alone. . . among other things." Logan grins. "They got what they deserved.. Anyway, can we show Carlos his present now?"

Mrs. Garcia smiles broadly and nods. "I think that's a wonderful idea, Logan. Why don't the four of you head on up? The rest of us will join you in a little while. Carlos, you should know that it was Logan's idea."

Logan rubs the back of his neck an shrugs. "But it's from _everyone_." He emphasizes the last word and then glances at Luke who is still babying the dog. "Are you okay with him?"

Luke nods. "Of course. Unless you want him up there with you."

"No, it's fine." Logan smiles. "See you all in a bit." He turns and leads the way up the stairs to Carlos' room, stopping at the closed door. "Carlos, close your eyes."

"Do I have to?" Carlos pleads.

"Yes." James, Kendall and Logan say simultaneously.

Carlos rolls his eyes but complies, keeping his eyes closed even when he hears the door open. Then he's very gently shoved forward and into his room. Then instant he hears Logan tell him to open his eyes, he does so and gapes at what he sees. "Swirly!" He finally proclaims and rushes to the slide that has appeared in his room as if by magic. He stops at the foot of the stairs that lead to the platform and spins around back to Logan. "You!"

"Me!" Logan braces himself for Carlos' hug but the younger boy falters at the last minute and is very gentle and careful.

"This was your idea!" Carlos says excitedly.

"Well," Logan gently frees himself from the tight embrace and steps away. "Like I said, it's from everyone so-"

"But it was _your _idea." Carlos insists, stubbornly.

Logan gives in with a nod. "Yeah. See, because we- I mean you. . . had to leave. . ." With each word he speaks, his voice gets quieter until he trails off and leaves his friends to finish his sentence in their heads.

For the briefest time, the mood in the room is dampened considerably and they all regard the ridiculous contraption somewhat solemnly. Carlos drapes an arm over Logan's shoulder and rests his head on Logan's. "Well," He says quietly. "I think it's pretty cool that I can tell everyone the second best present I got this year was a swirly slide in my bedroom." He releases Logan and gives him the tiniest shove forward. "You get the first ride."

Logan staggers forward and shakes his head. "But it's your-"

"Birthday." Carlos finishes. "Right. So you're supposed to do what I tell you to."

James grins and nods at Logan. "He's got a point there, Logie. Now hurry up so the rest of us can go."

Logan obliges and walks up the stairs with Carlos right at his heels. "Happy Birthday, Carlos." He says over his shoulder.

"It sure is." Carlos says firmly. "The best birthday ever."

**A/N. I like how I gave Logan and Carlos wonderful birthdays. Luke is my favorite. Baldwin is a cute puppy. And um. . . oh yeah, Carlos kind of got hurt on his birthday but it was all for a good cause right? Right. Anyway, this was a super long chapter but I'd really appreciate it if you would take a minute or two to review. Thanks so much for all of the wonderful support!**


	11. Happy Holidays

**A/N. Well, thank you for all the encouraging reviews I got for the last chapter. I have the best readers and friends ever. I'd like to say more but I'm a tad exhausted and need my beauty sleep. Thank goodness for the weekend. I love you all and I hope you have a fantastic weekend. I don't own anything.**

"_You're reaching out and no one hears you cry. You're freaking out again 'cause all your fears remind you another dream has come undone. You feel so small and lost like you're the only one. You wanna scream 'cause you're desperate." 'Desperate' by David Archuleta._

"He's growing so quickly." Mrs. Knight says as the boys walk through the front door with Baldwin who is now four months old.

Logan nods as he unbuckles the collar and inspects it with a frown. "I know. He needs a new collar now, this one won't adjust any bigger."

"Want to head over to the mall and pick one up?" Kendall suggests.

"Great idea." Logan agrees readily. "You and the girls will be okay with him, right? He should be tired since we just got back from a walk."

Mrs. Knight smiles as the puppy curls up in the corner of the kitchen. "I think we'll be fine." She says softly. "He's already going to sleep. Dinner will be ready at 5:30 so make sure you're home in plenty of time, okay?"

"Sure thing." Kendall assures her. "You guys coming?" He turns to James and Carlos who nod right away.

"But my mom wants me home for dinner too." James makes a face, dissatisfied with the fact that he'll have to go home at the end of the day. He loves both of his parents of course and he misses them since he and Carlos spend most of their time with Kendall and Logan, but he still hates to be away from his friends.

"Me too." Carlos says, looking briefly unhappy at the idea. He shrugs, resigned to their fate. "Oh well. Let's head over to the mall before we have to go home."

Kendall retrieves his car keys from his room and leads to way back outside. "Where are Camille and Katie anyway?" He asks Logan.

"I think Camille said something about teaching Katie the proper way to apply make-up." Logan answers as he climbs in the passenger seat and buckles his seat-belt. He glances at Kendall to catch his reaction.

"Oh," Kendall says quietly. "Make-up, huh?" He inserts the key into the ignition and shakes his head. "I guess she's really growing up, huh?"

"Thirteen." Logan reminds him. "Don't worry. Camille isn't going to go overboard." He laughs at the look of disbelief Kendall gives him. "Really." He promises. "She knows Katie is still too young. They're just having fun."

Kendall doesn't answer right away as he concentrates on crossing a busy intersection that will lead them to the mall. "I know." He says confidently. "Katie loves having Camille living with us."

"Me too." Logan smiles happily. He looks down and carefully fingers the ring he wears around his neck and for the moment seems lost in deep thought.

Carlos watches from the backseat with James and exchanges a grin with his friend. It's been five months since Logan came home and they're all so incredibly proud of the amount of progress he's made since then. There have been both ups and downs on the roller coaster but it's definitely looking more up than down lately.

They arrive at the mall and the boys hurry across the parking lot, the October chill uncomfortable in comparison to the warm car. "Where is the pet store?" Logan asks, looking around for a map of the mall.

"Um," Kendall tries to remember because he's never been a mall person and neither have any of his friends. "I think it's that way." He finally answers, pointing off to the left. "Come on. Let's go."

Everything has gone so smoothly for so long that the pessimistic part of Kendall has been waiting for something bad to happen. They round a corner and he tenses instantly. He can see the pet store up at the end of the mall but there's another store in between. A costume store for Halloween, which is now just a week away. "Um," He begins uncertainly, wanting to kick himself for his stupidity. They should have just driven across town to the independent pet store. Sure it would have been a thirty minute drive instead of a ten minute drive but at least they wouldn't run into something that might frighten Logan.

Might. As Kendall thinks of the possibilities, Logan sidles up closer to him, his posture stiff and unnatural. James instantly catches on to his friend's train of thought and walks on Logan's other side while Carlos quickens his pace and walks slightly ahead of them.

Kendall hold his breath, hoping that they'll make it past the store without any damage. As they near the entrance and he sees a handful of costumed employees trying to draw customers inside with their spooky behavior, he wraps an arm around Logan's shoulder and pulls him closer. _Please leave us alone_. He begs silently. His heart beats uncomfortably in his chest and he can only imagine how frightened Logan is right now.

They almost make it. They actually get past the store and Kendall is just about to breathe a sigh of relief when he hears the sound of footsteps directly behind them. Panicking, he whirls around just to see a figure clothed in black robes and a _Scream_ mask latch onto Logan, grabbing his elbow and tugging him backwards.

Logan doesn't make a sound. It's like fear paralyzes his vocal chords and he merely falls to his knees and draws himself into a tight ball on the floor. Before anyone can say anything, the costumed person releases his grip on Logan and rips off his mask, his face nearly as white as Logan's. "What did I do?" He asks frantically.

James shoves the kid away and kneels in front of Logan. "Logie," He begs, trying to keep his voice from shaking. "Logan, you're okay. We're here." But Logan doesn't even blink at his words and merely stares blankly at him. James ignores the curious onlookers and the costume shop employee who is freaking out over Logan's state. He grips his friend's wrist and tries to unlock his arms that are wrapped tightly around his legs. "Logan-"

Suddenly, Logan comes to life. James' movement startles him and he jerks away and then connects his fist with James' face. There's an ugly sound of flesh hitting flesh and James' head snaps backward. Logan hardly notices any of this and he goes back to becoming a shell.

Kendall steadies James as he falls backwards, clasping a hand to his nose where blood is already running between his fingers. "James," He whispers. He wavers indecisively for a moment, torn between his two friends. But then he sees Carlos go to Logan and he settles in front of James, frantically thinking of something they could use to stop James' nose from bleeding. He's empty handed so he takes off his sweatshirt and tries to hand it to James.

James shakes his head, his eyes still on Logan. But Kendall pulls away his hand and presses the soft material gently to his face. "Lo-Logan." He chokes out, blood running down his face and into his mouth when he speaks.

"Carlos has him." Kendall says firmly. He casts a quick glance over his shoulder to check on the younger boys.

"Logan," Carlos cautiously approaches his friend and lays a hand on his shoulder. "Logie, it's me, Carlos. Can you hear me?" To his distress, Logan has started to cry, rocking back and forth with each sob. "It's okay, Logan. It's not real. It was just a costume. He's not going to hurt you." He can hear someone crying behind them and knows it's the kid who frightened Logan. It was a complete accident and he wants to tell the poor guy that everything isn't his fault but he needs to reach Logan first. "Logan," He says again, this time more firmly.

"I'm sorry." Logan whispers, still not looking up.

Carlos gives up on trying to ease Logan out of his panic attack and pulls him into a tight hug. "You're fine, Logan. No one is mad at you." At first Logan tenses in the embrace and he gradually begins to relax and Carlos lets himself start to believe that they'll be okay soon. _Replace his hallucinations with reality. _He remembers then. "Logan, today is October 24, 2011. You're at the mall with me and Kendall and James."

It works once again. Logan goes limp in Carlos' arms at first and then he pulls away so he can see his friend's face. His face is still a deathly pale but his breathing has steadied and his tears have stopped. "What. . . happened?" He asks in a faltering voice.

Carlos is grateful that Logan doesn't remember his panic attacks because they're so horrible and he only wishes that he, James and Kendall could forget them so easily. Before he can answer, someone drops down beside him. It's the employee who now looks even worse off than Logan.

"I. . . I'm sorry," He stammers. "I didn't mean to s-scare you so b-badly. I was just. . . we were supposed to. . . I mean. . . I'm sorry."

Logan looks up in confusion at the newcomer. "Who are you?" He asks tiredly.

"Um. . . my name is Jake?" The teenager glances at Carlos, caught off guard by the question. "I work at the store over there. I was supposed to be scaring people to get them to come buy stuff. But I didn't mean to scare you so much. I'm really sorry. I didn't know-"

"It's okay." Logan interrupts, still looking a little confused. He starts to stand up and is helped by Carlos. "You. . . really didn't know. It's not your fault. I just. . . have problems with some things."

Carlos is glad that Logan seems to be recovering but he can tell that Jake's presence is still unnerving him. "He'll be okay." He assures the other boy. "We'll just take him home now. Don't worry."

Jake seems to take the gentle hint and backs away slowly, still looking absolutely mortified at the series of events that have taken place because of his completely innocent actions.

"Wh-where are James and Kendall?" Logan asks, looking around for his other friends. "You said they were here too."

"They are!" Carlos promises quickly. He takes Logan by the hand and pulls him over to a bench where James and Kendall have settled.

"James, what happened to your face?" Logan asks, his concern for his friend, making him forget, at least for the time being, about his fear.

James breathes a sigh of relief in unison with Kendall when Carlos and Logan approach them. "Logan," He says quietly. "You're okay. I. . . um. . . my nose. . . well, you were panicking and you kind of punched me but I'm okay." He admits in a rush.

Logan's eyes widen and he sits beside James and takes Kendall's sweatshirt away to see the bruised, swollen and bloodied mess that James' nose has become. The bleeding has stopped and he gently fingers the area around the nose. "I did this?" He whispers, horrified. "I hurt you like this?"

James nods reluctantly. "But I'm okay." He repeats insistently.

Kendall stands up and motions for his friends to do the same. "Let's just go home." He says quietly, his voice cracking with unshed tears. They quickly follow him as he heads back outside and towards the car. Once inside he turns to Logan. "I'm sorry." He apologizes softly. "I should have known. . . we should have just gone to the pet store across town. That would have been better."

Logan holds Kendall's bloody sweatshirt in his hands and doesn't answer right away. "It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. I just. . . I'm sorry, James."

"It's fine, Logan." James shakes his head and fingers his nose, wincing slightly. "You. . . didn't know what you were doing."

"That's what upsets me." Logan confesses. "I don't remember anything and I never know what I'm doing. I hurt one of my best friends this time. Do you. . . think I'm getting worse?"

"No." Carlos says stubbornly. "No way, Logan. The whole thing was just a horrible accident. You're okay now and. . . so is James. We're all okay."

But Logan doesn't look entirely convinced. "I might have broken James' nose." He sighs and rests his head on the back of his seat. "All I wanted to do was get a stupid dog collar and I had a panic attack. I'm a mess."

"Yeah well, it's the first panic attack you've had in weeks and it was pretty understandable I think." Carlos says firmly. "You've. . . had worse." He's meaning to sound optimistic but instead his words bring the unpleasant memory of Logan's worst attack back to them all. He sighs. "Logie, we'll all okay. Let's just go home and try to relax.

Kendall nods then, finding it odd that Carlos of all people is the only one together enough to comfort the others. "Carlos is right. Let's just go home. James should at least get ice on that."

As soon as they arrive back home, Camille rushes out to great them, her expression one of concern. "Did something happen? What happened? Why are you back so soon? James, what happened to your nose? Who hurt you? Are you okay, Logan?"

Logan staggers backwards very slightly as Camille flings herself into his arms. "Camille, it's okay." He rushes to assure her even though he's still shaken up himself. "We're fine now. Just come in with us and we'll tell you what happened."

Camille takes a deep breath to calm herself and nods. "Okay. I'm sorry. I just. . . your mom told me where you went and I just thought you would be gone longer. And you didn't get a collar did you?" She notices the lack of shopping bags and frowns.

"We got a little distracted." Kendall says uneasily. "There was. . . an incident."

Instantly Camille's eyes find Logan's and she understands. A look of pain flashes across her face but she quickly masks it and takes Logan's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Okay," She says again. "Let's go in then."

Logan is greeted right away by a concerned Katie and Mrs. Knight and a very eager Baldwin who still has no new collar. He sinks into the nearest chair and buries his face in the dog's fur, waiting for the blush to fade from his face before he begins his explanation. But he's a little surprised when Kendall jumps in.

"We were close to the pet store but first we had to walk past a costume store." Kendall flinches when he hears his mother gasp. "Anyway, they had these employees dressed up is costumes and walking around, scaring people and. . . one of them got to Logan." Kendall nods to James who has by now retrieved an ice pack and is holding it up to his face. "James tried to help him but-"

"I punched him." Logan confesses, completely ashamed. "I didn't mean to. I just. . . I didn't even realize what I was doing."

"Logan, I told you, it's fine." James insists. "I'm just glad that you're okay now. Nothing else matters." He relaxes when Logan smiles slightly and nods.

But Camille is still far from happy. "Who did this to you?" She demands.

Carlos shakes his head. "No one we know." He tells her quickly. "He was some kid named Jeff, probably a freshman in high school or something. I don't know. But he didn't know any better and was really upset."

Mrs. Knight nods and gives Logan's shoulder a gentle squeeze before standing up. "Well, James is right. Everyone is okay now so let's focus on the next thing. Logan honey, why don't you lay down and rest? James, you and Carlos both need to head home and you should probably make a doctor's appointment to get your nose looked at. Kendall and Katie, come help me finish dinner, okay?"

Kendall wants to protest but he knows that Logan is in good hands with Camille, or rather paws, in Baldwin's case. He says goodbye to James and Carlos and reluctantly gets up to follow his mother and sister into the kitchen.

Logan sighs and draws Camille into his arms, smiling when she cuddles up against him, resting her head on his chest. Baldwin joins them on the couch and curls up at their feet, keeping watch. Logan rests his chin on top of Camille's head and absentmindedly runs his fingers through her dark curls.

Camille stops him by taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. "I'm glad you're okay." She says softly. "And I'm glad you're home. I missed you."

Logan lifts their linked hands and kisses her fingertips. "I love you. I'm so incredibly thankful for all of you."

Camille smiles and closes her eyes, letting Logan's heartbeat and calm, steady breathing lull her into an easy sleep. Her last thought before drifting off is how thankful and blessed they all are this year.

* * *

The smell of turkey reaches Logan and Kendall as soon as they walk through the front door after their walk with Baldwin. The two boys shed their heavy winter clothes and follow quickly after the dog who has headed straight to the kitchen, hoping for a tender morsel.

Mrs. Knight is busy making her homemade stuffing while Camille and Katie are peeling a mountain of potatoes. All three of them are trying to ignore Baldwin who is staring at each of them in turn, with a pleading look in his large brown eyes. They turn when they hear the boys come in. "How is it out there?" Camille asks, wiping her hands on a dish towel so she can hug Logan.

"Cold." Logan remarks helpfully. He gives Camille a quick kiss and rubs his hands together, trying to warm his frozen fingers. "I forgot how cold winter in Minnesota can be. And it's only the beginning."

Camille clasps his hands in between both of hers and smiles up at him. "That's what fireplaces are for. You guys go warm up while we finish in here. No boys allowed in the kitchen." She glances down at Baldwin. "That means you too, pup."

Logan snaps his fingers, the sound bringing Baldwin to his side in an instant. "Come on, guys." He says, speaking to both Kendall and the dog. "They don't want us in here." He smiles when he hears Katie giggle and then leaves the kitchen for the family room.

Kendall decides to take Camille's suggestion to heart and quickly sets about building a fire to warm up the chilly house. He glances back at Logan who is relaxed despite the dancing flames in front of him and grins, happy to see that his friend is making progress in yet another area of the healing process. He joins Logan couch and switches on the TV. "Football or the parade?" He asks.

"Football." Logan answers quietly.

"Everything okay?" Kendall finds a good college game but looks at Logan in concern.

Logan shrugs. "I was just thinking of Big Time Rush again." He says thoughtfully. "Remember when James kept talking about us performing at the parade?"

Kendall hates the sadness that has crept back into Logan's eyes and gives the other boy a quick one armed hug. "Logan, don't think about that right now. James has told you before that he doesn't care about anything back in LA." To his relief, Logan looks convinced and both of them focus back on the game.

James and Carlos arrive just minutes later, looking half-frozen from their walk. But the fire has already warmed up the entire house so it doesn't take the two boys very long to thaw and soon they're all settled on the couch, watching the game together. It's times like these that they all love the most because they're so close to normality. The only new addition is Baldwin but no one is about to protest his presence.

The guests begin to arrive at the same time that the dinner is near completion. Carlos' family comes first, with Mr. Garcia practically dragging Luke in because the detective's family is all far from Minnesota at the time. James' parents show up at the same time as Kendall's father and then to everyone's surprise but Logan and Mrs. Knight, Camille's parents.

"What are you doing here?" Camille asks once she has recovered enough from her shock to speak. Tears of happiness glisten in her eyes and she hugs both her father and mother once again.

"Do we need an excuse to see our only child for the first time in months?" Mrs. Sanders asks, holding her daughter close to her. "Logan found us tickets at the last minute."

Camille releases her mother and spins around to hug Logan. "Logan," She breathes. "This means so much. How can I thank you for this?"

"Well, first of all, Gustavo helped me so you can call him tomorrow and thank him too." Logan explains with a laugh. "Secondly. . ." His voice drops to a whisper, ignoring the others around them. "It's me who needs to thank you." Before Camille can protest, he kisses her and then steps away so he can greet her parents.

"How are you, dear?"

Logan has only met Camille's father but he's at ease right away with her mother. He accepts her hug carefully and smiles. "I'm great. Thanks so much for coming."

Mrs. Sanders shakes her head. "We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. When my husband tried to get tickets, everything was already gone. Thanksgiving is a terrible time to travel. I know you say this Mr. Rocque person was the one who purchased the tickets but you made it happen. So thank you for that, Logan. I couldn't ask for a better son-in-law."

Logan doesn't know what to say but before he can think to come up with a proper response he catches the expression on Mr. Sanders' face. It passes so quickly that he's left questioning whether it was his imagination but the doubt is hard to ignore. Camille's father doesn't look to thrilled with the idea of having Logan as part of his family. Logan shakes of the intimidation and greets the man, relieved when he receives an easy enough response. Before he has time to dwell on his thoughts, Mrs. Knight comes into the room and announces that dinner is ready.

"Kendall, why don't you carve the turkey for us?"

Kendall blinks in surprise by his mother's request but nods. "Sure, Mom." The turkey is at the center of the table and he waits until everyone is seated before he accepts the long carving knife from his mother. He moves to slice into the juicy bird but a sound stops him.

A low growl comes from Baldwin's throat and Kendall looks to see the dog standing nearby, the hair standing up on his neck. As Kendall shifts the knife carefully to his other hand, the light overhead reflects off the silver blade and Baldwin growls again, this time more fiercely. "Baldwin?" He asks, completely confused by the dog's suddenly aggressive behavior.

"Be careful, Kendall." Mrs. Knight says quietly. "He's never acted like this before. Maybe he. . ." Her brows knit as she studies the tense animal. "Maybe he wants the turkey?" But even as she speaks, she knows it's something else.

"It's okay, boy." Kendall says soothingly. He turns his attention back to the table and takes the knife back in his right hand again. The motion upsets Baldwin even more and the dog barks loudly, startling everyone. He lunges at Kendall and grasps the hem of his T-shirt between his teeth and gives a sharp jerk. The knife slips in Kendall's hand, cutting into his palm. "Baldwin!" He exclaims, dropping the knife and grasping his injured hand.

"Honey, let me see."

Kendall releases his hand for his mother to see and glares down at the dog who is continuing to bark and growl. "What is _wrong_ with you?" The burning in his hand has died down and although it's fairly deep, the blood is already slowing thanks to the cloth napkin pressed tightly to it.

Baldwin changes tactics and begins to whine, turning in tight little circles and then rising to his back paws to bring himself more to Kendall's level. "Baldwin!" Kendall says loudly as he stumbles backwards, knocking into the table.

"Maybe we should put him in the other room." Mrs. Knight eyes the distressed animal nervously. She's not even sure if he's safe to move.

Luke rises to his feet as if to take the dog himself, but he stops when he sees Kendall pick the knife back up to take it into the kitchen in exchange for a clean one. The action sends the dog into hysterics and Luke glances across the table and suddenly, everything becomes clear. "Kendall, wait-"

Something in the urgent tone of Luke's voice makes Kendall obey even though he has no idea what's going on. He glances up to see the police detective staring in alarm at. . . Kendall's eyes hurry to follow his gaze. His heart misses a beat and the knife clatters back to the table. "Logan," He chokes out.

Logan's eyes are riveted the knife that still glistens with the red of Kendall's blood. There is no color in his face and his breathing has quickened in a way that is horrifically familiar to almost all of them. He pulls away from Camille's touch and nearly falls to the floor. Instead he stands up so quickly that his chair falls with a loud crash. The sound startles him even more and he backs up against the wall and slides slowly to the floor, already pulling away from the rest of the world.

"Logan, no." James pleads as he slowly nears his friend. But he doesn't have to worry about startling his friend even more because he's already too far gone for that. He draws closer, putting his arms around Logan, feeling his heartbeat quicken in fear when the smaller boy doesn't react at all. He shuts his eyes, wishing for everything to be a sick nightmare. But when he opens his eyes, Logan's eyes are still staring blankly.

"Look at me, Logan. Talk to me. Please." Carlos takes no notice of the others as he joins James in trying to get Logan back. He places his hand on Logan's shoulder, giving it a small shake at first. Logan doesn't even flinch and Carlos gives him the gentlest of shoves only to have him slump over against the wall as if he has no bones or muscles in his body to hold him up.

Baldwin joins the boys and Camille. He steps up close to his owner, whining softly. He licks Logan's face and then finally settles into a sitting position so that he's holding Logan up. He gazes at the humans with sad dark eyes, begging for them to do something that will help Logan.

Mrs. Knight nears the small group to but doesn't come too close for fear of setting Logan off in another way. She holds her phone close to her ear and sighs in relief at the voice on the other end. "Yes, Dr. Williams. I'm sorry to be calling today but Logan. . . He had another attack and we can't get him to respond to us at all." She listens for a while and then answers in short, one-word sentences before hanging up and looking at Kendall. "Dr. Williams said we should call 911 for an ambulance or take him in ourselves." Her voice breaks and she tries one last time to reach Logan. "Logan, just blink for us, please." Nothing happens and she turns back to Kendall. "I think he might need help getting to the car." She says, her voice remarkably calm.

Kendall bends down, giving Baldwin a quick pat." Good boy." He praises softly. "You knew, didn't you? I'm sorry we didn't listen to you." Then he nods to James and the two of them grasp Logan by the arms and pull him to his feet. He sways and Kendall quickly swings him into his arms and moves quickly to the front door. Carlos hurries ahead of him and holds open the door.

It's freezing outside but no one has even thought to put their coats back on. They follow Kendall and Logan to the car in a procession that is so solemn it could be mistaken for a funeral. Kendall slides Logan into the passenger seat and struggles to prop him up long enough to fasten his seat belt. Tears burn his eyes and slide down his face, threatening to freeze there in the cold air. "Logan, please." Kendall begs one last time.

"Kendall,"

Logan's voice startles Kendall so much that he slips on a patch of ice by the car and nearly falls. He holds himself upright somehow and then looks up, barely breathing as his eyes meet Logan's. "Logan?" He says, hardly daring to hope but hoping all the same.

Logan looks dazed, his eyes barely focused on Kendall. He's so out of it that he doesn't notice the crowd around them, outside the car. "Kendall," He says again and then shivers slightly. "I'm really cold."

"Logie," Kendall sighs in relief and pulls his friend into a tight hug. "Thank you."

"What happened this time?" Logan's voice wavers and suddenly he notices that nearly everyone is outside, watching him in concern. All of them are in tears so he knows it must have been bad.

Kendall shakes his head and pulls away so he can see Logan's face. "Don't worry about that right now." He says gently. "How do you feel now?"

"Tired. Cold. Confused." Logan frowns when he realizes that Kendall isn't shaking just because he's standing outside when it's about five degrees. "Why am I. . . why am I in a car?"

"We. . . we couldn't reach you." Kendall says weakly. "We were going to take you to the hospital but. . . are you okay now?"

Logan gives a small nod. "I'd be better if we could just stay home." He says in a small voice. "I don't. . . I don't want to go anywhere. Please?"

Kendall nods quickly, eager to have Logan relax even more. He holds tightly to his friend and helps him out of the car before wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We're going back in." He tells everyone. "Logan's cold."

James, Carlos and Camille are the first ones to follow, keeping close by as they head back to the warmth of the house. Kendall eases Logan down on the couch and keeps a hand on his back. "Just relax." He says, trying to keep his voice steady.

Logan takes it all in. Their eyes are red and swollen and are still bright with tears ready to fall at a moment's notice. "I'm sorry." He says heavily. Baldwin trots over to greet him, licking his hand until he gives in and scratches the dog behind the ears. He notices the cut on Kendall's hand and stiffens. "Did I do that?"

"No." Kendall says instantly. "No way. And Logan, don't apologize."

"We're just glad you're okay." Camille says in a trembling voice."

"Am I?" Logan can't help that sarcastic, bitter tone in his voice. "Because I'm pretty sure I just ruined everyone's Thanksgiving."

James shakes his head. "No you didn't, Logie. We've never been so thankful in all our lives."

"How can you be thankful with a freak like me?" Logan spits out. He starts to stand up by Carlos tugs him back down.

"Logan, you're not a freak." Carlos says as firmly as he can when he's about to cry again. "We love you, Logie."

Logan's face softens at his friend's words. "I love you all too. But I. . . I don't get why you're not sick of the way I'm always falling apart."

"You're not falling apart." Kendall says stubbornly. "You're getting better. And we're not sick of you at all. Carlos is right. We love you. We love you because even after all that's happened to you, you're still the same person. You're still our best friend and brother and my mom's son."

"And my boyfriend." Camille smiles a little and kisses Logan gently on the side of his face, laughing when he blushes.

"Okay." Logan nods, still looking shaken up but much better. "Thank you. I just wish I could say more."

"There's nothing else you need to say." James tells him, shaking his head. He sighs in relief when Logan finally smiles because that smiles means absolutely everything to him and he knows the others feel the same way. "You want to go try dinner again?"

Logan nods again and stands up slowly. "Yeah. Let's go." He takes Camille's hand and follows everyone back into the dining room. At first he avoids eyes contact with the adults and younger girls because he's humiliated beyond belief. But then he gradually relaxes enough to smile at them, letting them all know that he's okay. Because maybe he is okay. Maybe his friends are right when they say that he's okay because he comes back to them. Logan doesn't really know what to expect in the future but he does know that nothing can be too bad as long as he has with friends by his side.

**A/N. Did you like the chapter title? -slapped- Lauren came up with the two breakdown ideas lol. I love her. She's my soul-mate, you guys. My little brother is reading Harry Potter now. He's quite enjoying them and wants to watch the movies with me (I've seen the first six) after he's done reading the books. Although after all the crying I did while reading the last book, he refuses to see it in theaters with me. Lol. I love him. Um. . . review? Pretty please?**


	12. Peace On Earth

**A/N. Okay, so this is the last chapter which I am relieved for since the lack of consistent reviews kind of made writing this story less enjoyable than it was in the beginning. I'll be writing more of 'Head On Collision' in the future and I hope to start 'How to Save a Life' sometime next week. Okay? Okay. I don't own anything.**

_We're finally breaking into the daylight,  
In the warmth of the sun,  
I will stand by your side till your fear passes on,  
So just look in my eyes,  
Baby try to hold on and you find it won't be long_

"_Save the Day" by David Archuleta_

Kendall opens his eyes and yawns in exhaustion. He turns to his left to find the alarm clock so he can see what time it is, but it's not there. Actually, Logan's desk isn't even there. His dresser is there. Kendall's dresser. Kendall sits up and looks around in confusion. Even though his mind is still slow and heavy with sleep it doesn't take him long to realize that he's in his own room instead of Logan's. It's been a long time since Logan has had a nightmare but Kendall has been sleeping on the floor just in case. They have gotten to the point where James and Carlos go home for the night but Kendall isn't ready to leave Logan totally alone just yet. So it's a mystery to him as to why he's in his own bed in his own room.

Kendall turns to the right to see on his alarm clock that it's just after nine in the morning. He should be getting up anyway. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and flinches when his bare feet hit the cold floor. He yawns, nearly cracking his face apart in the process. They went to bed fairly early last night so why is he still so tired? He shrugs off his fatigue and leaves his room to find his family.

The house is unusually quiet as Kendall tiptoes down the hall, not wanting to wake Logan or Katie if they're still sleeping. He can hear his mother downstairs preparing breakfast and stops in the bathroom to splash cold water over his face. When he reaches Logan's closed bedroom door, Kendall can't resist. There's an eerie feeling that clings to him so he opens the door to check on Logan. He takes a step inside the room and freezes.

It's empty. The room is empty. But it's not empty like Logan woke up and went downstairs. It's empty like no one has been in it for months. The bed is neatly made,which is normal for Logan, but there's a somewhat musty smell to the covers. The desk holds no school books or pencils, not even the scrapbook they gave Logan for his birthday. As Kendall whirls around the room, he sees nothing that they gave Logan for his birthday. Baldwin isn't sleeping in the corner and it's the dog's absence that really scares Kendall.

He turns to go but something catches his eye. The top of the dresser is covered with pictures and small candles that create a sort of shrine. Kendall approaches the dresser warily and studies the objects closely. The pictures are of Logan and the candles. . . the candles are from the candlelight vigil that the neighborhood held last November. But it's not possible. Sure they placed these items in Logan's room as soon as they came home that night but they removed them in June when Logan came home. The candles are in the hall closet downstairs and the pictures are in albums where they're supposed to be. Because Logan is home where he's supposed to be.

Kendall reaches out and picks up one of the pictures, almost expecting his hand to go right through it. It can't be real. But his fingers close around the edge and he lifts it closer to his face. He turns and looks out the window to see snow on the ground. Another glance at the alarm clock that's still there shows Kendall that it's 9:30 on December 17, 2011. Almost Christmas. The date and time are both right but that's all. Everything else is wrong.

Trying to push away the wave of panic that is threatening to take him under, Kendall sets the picture back on the dresser and hurries from the room. "Mom?" He calls, forgetting to be quiet. "Mom, where are you?" He thunders down the stairs, nearly tripping over his own feet and skids to a stop in the kitchen. "Mom?"

"Kendall, I'm right here, sweetie." Mrs. Knight looks up from reading the newspaper and eyes Kendall in concern. "You're as white as a sheet, Kendall. Are you okay?"

"Mom," Kendall says again, breathing heavily from his rush. He shakes off the hand she's laid on his cheek and looks at her closely. "Where. . . where's Logan?"

Instantly, he knows something is dreadfully wrong. His mother's face whitens and her hand moves to cover her mouth in shock at his question. "Kendall," She breathes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean where is Logan?" Kendall says, his voice rising slightly as the wave of panic towers over hi, ready to crash as any second. "I just went in his room and he's not there. He was there last night but he's not there now."

There's a tiny part of him that expects her to say that Logan is with Camille or Carlos and James or even Katie somewhere. Maybe he's took Baldwin for a walk by himself and that explains why the dog is missing too. But then her eyes fill with tears and Kendall waits for her to call 911 because Logan is missing. Again. But he doesn't expect her to say what she actually does. "Kendall. . . Logan is gone."

"What do you mean gone?" Kendall demands, shocked at how resigned and hopeless she sounds. "Mom, if he's gone then we need to call the police. Call Carlos' dad. He and Luke will find him again!" He spins around to get the phone himself but his mother's next words stop him in his tracks.

"Again. Kendall, listen to me. You. . . you must have been dreaming. Honey, I'm so sorry." She stands up and reaches out to him as if to take him into her arms and hold him closely. Kendall backs away and waits for her to finish her explanation. "Logan. . . Logan is still missing. We never found him."

The wave of panic crashes over Kendall and for a moments, he can't even breathe. He's drowning. "No," He whispers. He backs away from his mother as she tries to hug him again. He turns and flees back up the stairs and crashes into Logan's room. It's the same. Still untouched and empty. Devoid of life.

"Logan," Kendall's knees hit the carpeted floor. He hears footsteps and he knows it's his mother coming after him. Her frantic voice is calling out to hi but he can't respond. _This can't be happening_. _Was it all a dream? Did Logan never really come back? Were the past six months all just a wonderful dream?_ Kendall's vision clouds over until everything is black.

Almost as soon as they close, Kendall's eyes snap back open and he sits up with a start. He's breathing heavily, trembling all over as he tries to untangle himself from his sleeping bag. He's back in Logan's room.

Kendall starts to breathe a sigh of relief but it catches in his throat as he turns to Logan's bed. It's empty. The covers are tossed aside, hanging partway to the floor. Baldwin is sound asleep in his corner but Logan isn't there. He's gone.

Instantly, Kendall's mind grabs onto the worst possibility and he can't shake it away. Logan is gone again. He's been taken again. "No," He pleads, tears already flooding his eyes and blurring his vision. He stumbles to his feet but soon crashes back to his knees. Baldwin wakes up and joins him by the foot of the bed, whining softly and licking Kendall's tears away. "Why? Why didn't we hear anything? He's gone again. Logan."

Soon Kendall is overcome with tears and he lays his forehead on his knees shaking with sobs. He was so relieved after waking up from his nightmare, only to discover another one that's real. He's crying so hard that he doesn't hear the footsteps and he doesn't realize that he's no longer alone until he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Kendall? Kendall, what's wrong?"

Kendall jerks his head up at the familiar voice. His green eyes meet a pair of brown and he finds himself staring back at Logan. "Logan," He whispers in disbelief Logan's eyes are full of wild concern and Kendall tries to explain himself. "Logan. . . I. . . I couldn't find you. I had a dream that. . . that we never found you and then I woke up but. . . but you were gone again and I. . . I thought that it was happening all over again."

Logan's eyes widen with understanding and he grasps Kendall by the wrists and pulls him gently to his feet and then pushes him on the edge of his bed. "Kendall," He says quietly. "I'm right here now. I'm sorry. I just went to get a drink. Then I heard you crying and. . . I'm sorry."

Instead of answering, Kendall's body jerks with another hard sob and when Logan's arms go around him, he cries even harder. He can barely breathe but he hears Logan's voice whispering soothing words to him and together, the voice and the close contact slowly start to bring Kendall back from the edge.

Logan lays Kendall down and holds him, ironically, the way his friends used to hold him after he had a nightmare. He realizes that Kendall can't be the protector right now and the revelation shakes him a tiny bit, but not enough to render him useless. There's been a role reversal and although Logan hates to see his friends so distraught, he's glad that he can help for once. "Kenny," He says gently, relieved to see that the shaking has stopped a little bit. "It's okay."

Kendall nods, still unable to speak but finally getting his control back. It was so real. All of it. The nightmare. And when he woke up, he didn't stop to think that Logan might just have gone to the bathroom or to get a drink. He didn't stop to think that the window wasn't broken like last time. He didn't stop to think that Baldwin would have woken everyone up before anything happened. All he could think of was how Logan wasn't where he should have been and the panic blinded him from everything else. "I'm sorry." He finally whispers.

"It's fine. Let me help you for once." Logan tells him. "I really am back, Kendall. You just had a nightmare. Everyone has nightmares. This. . . this is real."

At that, Kendall smiles. "I know." He says in pure relief. "It's the best."

Logan relaxes when he sees Kendall's smile. "Yeah it is." He agrees. "Just think. We'll hang out with James and Carlos later today and do some Christmas shopping. After all, Christmas is a week away. All we have in front of us right now are good times."

Kendall's smile widens and he nods. "I know. Thanks, Logie. Thanks for helping me."

"I have a good teacher." Logan murmurs. He hears Kendall laugh a little and he smiles then. Sleep tugs at him then because it's only four in the morning. Kendall is completely relaxed once again so Logan closes his eyes and allows himself to drift back into a deep sleep, glad that Kendall was so willing to let his vulnerability show. He's not the only one making progress.

At first, Kendall stays awake because he's afraid of going back to sleep. He's afraid of having another horrible nightmare or of waking up to find that this is a dream. He now has a better understanding of what Logan has been through with all of his nightmares. The line between reality and the dream world becomes impossibly blurred until he can't be sure of anything. But gradually, he begins to relax and when he sees Baldwin sitting guard by the bed, he smiles and closes his eyes, easing back into a sound sleep.

* * *

It's freezing outside. Logan shivers slightly and adjusts his gloves so that they're more secure on his hands. He glances at Camille and grins. Warm enough?"

Camille shoots his a glare. "Oh, I'm practically sweating. Are you sure Baldwin needs a walk today? It's like forty below zero out here."

"I wouldn't say it's that cold." Logan says with a laugh. "Maybe five below." He laughs again at the look on Camille's face. "Welcome to Minnesota! Winters here last pretty long. How cold did Connecticut get?"

"Not this cold." Camille replies, wishing she and Logan were home in front of a nice warm fire. But the other boys were busy digging around in the attic for the Christmas tree decorations and Logan wanted to take the dog for his daily walk before it started to snow again. She glances around at the two feet of snow that is already piled high around them. They didn't need anymore but the weathermen were predicting another small blizzard.

"Just wait until January and February." Logan tells her. "They're the worst months because it's right after Christmas and there's not much to look forward to." He pauses and looks up at the sky. "Here it comes."

Camille follows his gaze and groans at the sight of snowflakes falling from the cloudy sky. "No, it's too soon!" She protests.

Logan chuckles and holds Baldwin's leash with one hand, wrapping his free arm around her. "Better get used to it. Unless of course you want to move somewhere else at all." He stumbles when Camille stops in her tracks and looks back at her. "Camille?"

"I'm wherever you are." She says softly. "I'd live in Antarctica if it made you happy."

"Well, I'd live in LA if you really wanted to." Logan replies without hesitation even though the thought of moving back to the city where he was kidnapped makes him shiver again. "But we don't have to worry about where we're going to live right now." Baldwin, impatient to get out of the cold starts walking again and the two of them follow. But Logan is silent for a while, lost in thought.

"Logan?" Camille asks tentatively. "You're not. . . having second thoughts about us are you?" She doesn't know where exactly the question came from but it's been in the back of her mind since Thanksgiving.

Logan slowly shakes his head. "Not exactly." He begins. "I'm just wondering if I'm good enough for you." He holds up a hand to stop her from protesting. "Let me explain. I'd like to think that years from now I'll be able to get back to normal without worrying about panic attacks. But what if I can't? What if I can't find a good job because every little thing sets me off? What kind of husband would I be?"

"This is about my dad isn't it?" Camille frowns. "Logan, he doesn't hate you. He's worried and he's never been able to. . . think very optimistically. He's really a pessimist. He's worried about what you're worried about right now. But Logan, he doesn't know you. I do and James and Carlos and Kendall and Katie and your mom know you. You know who you are. Do you really think you'll be like you are now twenty years from now?"

"I don't think so." Logan answers honestly. "But we won't know until we get there."

Camille smiles at Logan's "we" and grabs his hand in her's. "Exactly." She says. "You're eighteen, Logan. Don't think about that now. I know you'll be a fantastic husband and father when the time comes. You'll see."

Logan starts to speak but suddenly Baldwin catches sight of a baby bunny hopping quickly across the snow covered ground. He barks in excitement and then runs in a small circle before dashing after the small animal. For a second, Logan and Camille are tangled up in the leash and pressed tightly against each other. Then in the next second, they're falling to the ground.

Camille falls on top of Logan, the snow cushioning their fall. She opens her mouth to ask him if he's okay but she has her answer right away. Logan laughs at the look on her face and she fights back laughter of her own as she attempts to straighten her snow hat. "It wasn't _that _funny." She tells him even though she disagrees with herself. "Now I have snow in my hair." She reaches up to brush the cold, wet clumps from her dark strands but Logan stops her.

"Don't." He says softly, the laughter ceasing. His brown eyes are serious as he stares up at her, forgetting that they're still laying in the snow. "You look pretty with snow in your hair."

At that, Camille laughs. "Yeah right." She says doubtfully. "I bet I look like a mess.

"Not at all." Logan promises. "You look like a snow angel."

"Logan, there's no such thing as actual snow angels." Camille says. But her heart thuds inside of her as she meets his gaze. "We could make snow angels if you want. I mean, we're already wet and cold. I don't think it'd make too much of a difference."

Logan brushes a strand of hair from Camille's eyes and smiles again. "You're my snow angel." He whispers.

Camille opens her mouth to argue but is silenced when Logan presses their lips together. She's taken by surprise at first but doesn't pull away. Instead she waits for Logan to pull away first, like he always has, too afraid to continue. But Logan doesn't pull away.

Logan forgets all the horrible memories he's dealt with in the past several months. He forgets the torture and the nightmares and everything but where he is right around. He sits up a little and drapes an arm over Camille's waist, pulling her impossibly closer. His free hand reaches up and strokes her cheek gently, letting his fingers trail slowly down from her forehead to her chin. When he feels tears on her face, he wipes them gently away with his thumb.

Camille can barely breathe. She's heard of kisses taking someone's breath away but it's one thing to hear of something and another thing altogether to experience it. They break apart for an instant and she rests her forehead on his, trying to fill her lungs with oxygen again. "Logan?" She whispers uncertainly.

"I love you." Logan tells her not for the first time. But then he kisses her again and it's more real than it's ever been before. His heart beats wildly in his chest and he can feel Camille's heart beating in unison. He hates to break the second kiss but it occurs to him that they've been making out in the snow. A blush heats up his face and when he looks at Camille her cheeks are pink as well.

"Still having second thoughts?" Camille smirks when she sees how surprised Logan looks. He's always been somewhat tentative and his nightmarish experiences have only sent him deeper into himself. But everything is so completely perfect and natural right now.

Logan's breath is still coming quickly, creating smoke-like clouds above their heads. "I never did." He whispered, realizing that it's the truth. Because every doubt has always been superficial and now they're gone as if they never existed. He gives her one last quick kiss and is suddenly interrupted by Baldwin, who has never left in the first place, stopping right away after his master fell and watched the two humans with his head tilted to one side.

Now he forces himself in between Logan and Camille and sits heavily on Logan's chest. Logan laughs and pushes the dog gently away so he can sit up. "I think he's jealous." He jokes, closing his eyes against the tongue that begins licking his face. "Or maybe he's just cold and he wants to go home."

Camille stands up and pulls Logan to his feet as well, smiling at the puppy's antics. "Don't worry, Baldwin." She teases. "We love you too." Now that she's standing again, she remembers how cold she is. "Ready to head home?" She asks.

"Sounds good to me." Logan agrees. He links their hands and smiles, his eyes shinning with more life than anyone has seen since before his kidnapping. "Thank you."

When they reach the house, everyone is waiting for them, Carlos and Katie impatient to decorate the tree, James combing his hair, something he only does now out of absolute necessity or when he's nervous, and Mrs. Knight and Katie, somewhat anxiously. "Sorry," Logan apologizes. "We got distracted.

Kendall stops fussing long enough to study his friend. When Logan turns red under his stare, Kendall raises an eyebrow questioningly and grins. "Well, you're here now." He says, the relief evident in his voice. "Let's get started."

Mrs. Knight already has the Christmas music playing and the fire is roaring, quickly warming Logan and Camille inside and outside. Logan pulls one of the boxes closer to him and begins hanging ornaments on the green branches, the others following his example. He starts singing first, quietly to begin with and then when his friends join in, he's a little more at ease.

James clears his throat and tries to sing along but it's difficult at first. He realizes that it's the first time they've sang together since Logan came back and the revelation is a little overwhelming.

"James?"

James turns to find Logan staring at him. "Logan?" He mimics, forcing a grin to his face.

Logan studies him closely, his eyes full of concern. "You're crying." He remarks, his voice so soft that no one else hears him. "Are you okay?"

James blinks to discover that his eyes are full of tears. "I'm fine." He says quickly. "It's the tree. . . I think I'm allergic."

But Logan roll his eyes. "James, come help me bring the hot cocoa in for everyone." He says lightly, dragging James into the kitchen before the other boy can even think of a protest. Once they're away from everyone else, Logan folds his arms across his chest. "So? What is it? We've been best friends for our whole lives, James. I can tell when you're lying. So can everyone else because you're a horrible liar. Just be glad I didn't make a big deal."

"It's _not_ a big deal." James continues to resist stubbornly.

"James," Logan sighs. "I don't believe you. Please. What's upsetting you?"

It's the tears that begin to form in Logan's eyes that make James swallow his pride. "It's just. . . different things."

"Like?" Logan presses gently. As he waits he sets a teapot full of water on the stove so it can boil.

James takes a deep breath and clears his throat again. "Um, where do I start?"

"The beginning." Logan suggests. "Just. . . talk."

"I was just thinking about how today was the first time we sang together sing the day before you. . . went missing." James begins. But then he can't stop and he continues to talk, forgetting how hesitant he was earlier. "Then I remembered when you weren't here for Christmas or. . . or anything and I missed you so much. We all missed you. It hurt, Logan. I shouldn't be talking because we didn't suffer nearly as much as you did. I'm sorry, I just. . . I wasn't upset to begin with. . . I was happy. But then I thought about why I was happy and then I wasn't happy anymore. Right now, I mean. It's almost Christmas day and I don't want to feel like this."

Logan's steady gaze wavers for an instant. The water in the teapot is boiling so he takes it off the stove before walking over to James and embracing him. "You and Kendall," He muses quietly. "I'm glad Carlos has enough sense to not keep his feelings buried like you two do."

"I'm sorry." James apologizes, now feeling guilty for worrying Logan. "I just feel like you have enough on your mind."

"Yeah. I have to worry about my best friends exploding because they're too selfless to care about themselves. But don't be sorry, James. Just don't hide anymore." Logan steps back and looks up at James. "Okay?"

James nods and grins. "I think I can do that." He says, relaxing now. "Thanks, Logie."

"Guys!" Carlos bounces in and looks at both of them, the excitement in his eyes dying slightly. "Are you okay?" He asks softly.

Both of the boys nod and hurry to fill the mugs so they can bring everyone the hot chocolate Logan promised them. "We're fine, Carlitos." James tells him quietly. "Just talking."

"Good." Carlos says in satisfaction. "Because you and Kendall don't talk enough."

Logan laughs at the expression on James' face. "See?" He asks, shaking his head. "I'm not the only one."

"Well if you need to talk more, I'll take in the hot cocoa." Carlos offers.

Logan's laughter stops abruptly and he shakes his head. "Carlos, I love you like my brother, you know that. But-"

"You don't trust me with the cocoa." Carlos finishes with a grin. He shrugs. "That's okay, neither do I. I can go distract the others then."

James laughs this time. "Thanks, buddy. But we're good for today." He takes the tray from Logan and heads back into the family room to be with the rest of his family.

* * *

"Kendall!"

Kendall jerks awake. He sits up quickly, just missing smacking heads with Logan who is hanging off his bed and watching his friends. "Logan? Wassa matter?"

Logan laughs and sits up. "Merry Christmas! I thought you were going to sleep the whole morning away."

Kendall grins and whacks James and Carlos with his pillow, waking them up out of a sound sleep. "It's Christmas, you guys!" He announces, childlike excitement in his voice. He rises to his feet and plops heavily on the bed. "I'm tired." He mumbles, laying back down. "Wake me up in a few hours."

"Kendall!" Carlos protests. He leaps onto his friend and tackles him to the floor. "You did _not_ just throw your pillow at me and tell me it's Christmas, just to go back to sleep. Come _on! _Let's go downstairs and open presents!"

"You'd better get up." Logan advises him with a grin. "I'm pretty sure that together, James and Carlos can come up with a way to make you pay for that rude awakening. Listening to Carlos might get you off easily."

"Maybe." James grumbles. He runs his fingers through his hair and drags both Carlos and Kendall to their feet, plopping them both on Logan's bed before joining them. "Anyway," He says in a lighter tone of voice. "Merry Christmas, guys."

"It is." Kendall says seriously. "And I think we all know why." He ignores the blush in Logan's face and sits up a little bit. "Logie, I wanted to say something on Thanksgiving but I never got the chance. But today works just as well I think."

Logan simply nods, giving Kendall permission to go on.

"I think we can all agree that March 2010 to June 2011 was the worst fifteen months in our lives. We've been best friends since we were five and being separated wasn't easy at all. But it was _why_ we weren't together that was the hard thing. We didn't have a clue what happened to you, Logan. It scared us. We never found a single clue that would tell us anything about you. But that was why we never gave up hope. Because even though there was no sign that you were still alive, there wasn't a sign that you. . . weren't alive either."

"So we let ourselves hope together because without that hope I'm sure we would have been way worse than we actually were. And the best part is that our hope wasn't in vain. We never would have thought that you were in Minnesota for six of those fifteen months, Logan. We never thought that Carlos' dad and Luke of all people would find you. And after learning everything that happened to you, I'm sure there were times for all of us when we wondered if we'd be okay again."

"Now look at us. Look at all of us. We've come so far but only because we've done it together. It couldn't have happened any other way. June 2011 up until this point hasn't been easy but it's been the best months of my life because we became four again." Kendall laughs but tears glisten in his eyes. "Being three sucked, Logan. When we were together, all we ever thought about was what, or who, we were missing. You. And now you're back and we're whole."

"Well," Logan says quietly. "I've said it before but I'll say it again before we go downstairs. "You guys are why I'm still here today. Because I had something to hold onto. I know it hasn't been easy with all of my nightmares and panic attacks but you've all stuck with me. Thank you for that. Thanks for supporting me so matter what."

"That's what friends are for." Carlos answers promptly. "Right, guys?" He looks at James and Kendall who both nod. "And anyway, Logie. It works both ways. We kept hoping because of you."

"And we kept living because of that hope we had in finding you again." James says softly. "So thank you."

Logan finds himself in the middle of a group hug and smiles. "You're all the best." He whispers.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door and Katie and Camille are yelling at them to wake up. Kendall chuckles as he untangles himself from his friends. "I guess we'd better hurry downstairs." He remarks with a grin.

"Wait." Logan says quickly. "I want to tell you guys something. I want you to be the first to know what I've decided."

"Decided?" James asks.

"Logan nods. "For college. Since I've been tutoring you guys this fall, it made me realize how much I love to teach."

Instantly, Kendall's eyes light up. "Logan, you're a great teacher!" He exclaims. "That's a perfect idea. You'd teach math, right?"

"Of course." Logan nods. "I mean, college is still a year and a half away now that I'm back but at least I have a goal again. It's not a doctor, sure, but it's something I'm passionate about and it's something I'm good at."

"Great." James corrects. "You're great at it, Logan."

"So you'll be Professor Mitchell instead of Doctor Mitchell." Carlos grins happily. "Perfect."

Logan shrugs modestly. "We'll see."

"Logan, you can do anything you want." Kendall says confidently. "And like we said before, we'll be there for you."

It seems redundant to thank his friends once again so Logan simply nods, knowing that they only want him to agree anyway. "Okay." He says. "Then I'll do it. Because there's nothing we can't do together."

Carlos exchanges high-fives with his friends and then leaps up. "So what do you say we put some of that teamwork to work and go downstairs to open Christmas presents?"

Kendall stands up and pulls James and Logan up as well. "I think that Carlos has a great idea."

Logan nods and rubs Baldwin's head until the puppy wakes up. "Come on, boy!" He says with a laugh. "I bet you can unwrap presents faster than Carlos!"

The four boys and the dog leave the room and head downstairs where their families are already waiting for them. Everything is right.

**So the ending may have been a little rushed and I apologize but I'm tired and kind of want this story to end since I'm beginning to question that quality. Um, review since it was the last chapter? Thanks so much to all of my loyal readers and reviewers because without you I wouldn't keep writing! One last thanks to Lauren who has been the BEST. Peace!**


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